Care home questions

[Toopie28]

Sorry if these have been asked before - I did search.
Also, is there a forum/section for just care home questions?

Ma went into a carehome last week. Quite honestly the hardest and worst day of my life. Ma did not disappoint by becoming completely lucid for the first time in a year and refusing to stay, eventually storming out and found the lift (we couldn't!), with me running in the opposite direction to get out thru stairs. 🙈

I had made sure with the manager that Ma would have only female carers. They asked for a care plan and I gave them a very detailed one.

I've spoken to staff and they say "she's fine" and Ma does comply with "authority" figures.

I've told them that Ma has a light appetite - yet they encourage her to come and eat for every meal. Ma has told me that she feels sick and eats too much but she goes as they come get her and she complies.

She's also very skittery about people coming into her room. They come in to check every 2 hours in middle of the night.
And yes, she is leaving and won't be staying anymore (according to her)

I'm going to call the Team Leader today and ask these questions - and wondering if these are ok to ask or if I should ask a different way.
Confirming female carers only
Asking them to lighten or minimise meals?
Asking if they can not check as often at night - In fact, maybe moving her bed so they can add a sensor mat
Checking with me before getting her hair cut (so they ask for money for pocket money that goes into an account and they will do her hair and so on. But she does not have the capacity to know IF she wants her hair done yet they took her to do that yesterday.)
Will they let me know if there are any "accidents" - bed wetting I mean?

 

[JoannePat]

Hi @Toopie28 You have every right to ask any questions.

They may not necessarily let you know if there has been a bed wetting episode unless you ask. I would certainly go through her care plan again and remind them that her meals should be smaller and that she has to have female carers. Also checking with you for haircuts etc. I would start with a face to face and follow up with an email, just confirming our meeting blah blah.

Good luck and thinking of you, keep us updated

Jxx

 

[Toopie28]

Hi @Toopie28 You have every right to ask any questions.

They may not necessarily let you know if there has been a bed wetting episode unless you ask. I would certainly go through her care plan again and remind them that her meals should be smaller and that she has to have female carers. Also checking with you for haircuts etc. I would start with a face to face and follow up with an email, just confirming our meeting blah blah.

Good luck and thinking of you, keep us updated

Jxx

Thank you @JoannePat - I spoke to the team leader in person, yesterday.

Although a very bad visit with Ma (wanting to leave and shouting at me and eventually throwing me out), the staff keep telling me that she participates in every activity and never in her room.

They will lighten her meals!
Female carers only.
The haircuts, yes I will be speaking with the hairdresser for that on Monday.
And, the night time checks. They have agreed to only check twice - last thing at night and first thing in the morning.

Thanks again. Now to come to terms with Ma not accepting the fact she's staying put.

 

[Alberta23]

Hi Toopie 28 so pleased to hear you are making progress and the care home are working with you.
Re your request for care home forums, the following charities/organisations may come in helpful.

CQC care quality commission. Monitor and assess care homes.

Healthwatch Uk. They have contacts for local Healthwatch that check care is good in hospitals/care homes. They have a Feedback page where people can/have placed reviews of care homes/health services in your area. So worth looking up the care home your mums in.

Hourglass...support for vulnerable elderly people and families.

AgeUk have lots of information leaflets online and can send as hard copies re loads on care homes, assessments, abuse. Loads. They also have a separate phone number for AgeUk Specialist.

Care Rights Uk....similar to Hourglass.

Patients Association....working to improve peoples experiences in care and health settings.

NICE....working to improve health care at lots of levels.

All the above have Helplines to contact. So can chat to a person directly. But they have lots of information on their websites. Worth reading.
But you seem to be getting somewhere. Hopefully the changes will help your mum feel less anxious and will help her to settle more.

 

[Jessbow]

I've told them that Ma has a light appetite - yet they encourage her to come and eat for every meal. Ma has told me that she feels sick and eats too much but she goes as they come get her and she complies.

She's also very skittery about people coming into her room. They come in to check every 2 hours in middle of the night.



i think those are both quite difficult ones- I would be really easy for staff to get into trouble if a resident wasnt offered food at each mealtime.

If she falls in the ight, it could be a long night on the floor if they are not checking- some thing we'd have their guts for garters for.

 

[Grannie G]

A week is a very short time in residential care. The staff need time to get to know a new resident and the resident needs time to settle.

 

[Muttimuggle]

Well done for having got your Mum there Toopie. That sounds like a far better situation for both you and her....even though it may not seem that way at the moment.

When my mother first went in to her care home things about the way she was cared for seemed quite different then to how they appear now, over a year later. My mother was and has always felt in danger of falling, for example, and so they put one of those sensors on the floor so that they could monitor her trips to her ensuite toilet in the night.With her new surroundings I was worried that that wouldn't be sufficient.What if thy didn't get there in time. Partly by discussing with them we came up with a solution to put a commode next to her bed so she didn't have to travel across her little room, not what you would think of doing in a room with ensuite - but it solved the problem.

I worried also that my mother was not getting sufficient encouragement to walk.She was in a wheelchair most of the time for about 3 months+ . She had been, prior to this, in a re-ablement centre which had been trying to encourage her walking after she had suffered a broken hip..and the wheelchair in the care home seemed like a backward step.They kept saying, "We will get her walking but I worried that they were just taking the lazy option...but looking back I see that they were just trying to make her feel comfortable(in more ways than one) in her new surroundings as the move, particularly with dementia can be incredibly unsettling.

Then, unlike your mother, my mother didn't like to be left alone, even in the night.It wasn't long before they worked that out and allowed her to leave what is supposed to be a fire door open a little.They have allowed her to wedge cushion in the door every night....which I suppose also alerts them to the fact that she actually likes being looked in on in the night.

My mother used to used small pads for urine leakage and I used to buy them for her. It was not long before they gave her some incontinence pads instead.I was disturbed about that, but the thing is - she wasn't! I suppose they, like other things about being in care made her feel safe.

The first September when she went there, I used to worry that she was not, so it seemed, allowed out into the central quad garden.She loved to be outside when it was warm. They said she could only go with supervision..and I suppose there was only sufficient care staff to mind or keep an eye on everybody else as well. Well last summer she spent many an hour in that garden alone(or with other residents) or when I visited.The only thing they tried to get her to do was wear a sun hat or sit in the shade when it was hot.

So, I thought they might never get her out of the wheelchair, but, true to their word, they did.She is now always walking with her rollator, albeit it not far.

What I am trying to say is that there were so many things that I was worrying about... but in those early days staff are doing the best things they can to ensure safety. When, in time, they get to know your Mum more they will, most likely, adapt and change some of those things - as they get to know and understand what they can expect of her. Even the thing about the food, which you mention.....although you communicate to them that she feels she is eating too much and that she is feeling sick. They can then keep a check on that. I suppose many people overwhelmed by new surroundings and people might just feel sick anyway. I am not saying that is the cause - but she will also be eating different food which will all feel so unfamiliar and might need getting used to anyway.

Hang on in there for the moment if you can, Toopie. Communicate with them but give them time to get to know your Mum and take some time to look after yourself too.

 

[Toopie28]

Thanks all.

Yes, you're all right. They know what they are doing.

Thanks @Muttimuggle - I need to let them do their thing.

I was shocked when we went in an she was adamant about leaving and found her way to the lift (I have no idea how she did that with all the corridors) and I escaped the back way, I thought they are not going to be able to handle her. And they persuaded her to stay.

Now yes, she wants to escape and tried paying off the local priest to "get her out of there" , luckily it didn't work (although I think he took the money as a donation ).

I suppose there are going to be issues and they need to know how she's going to be in this new environment.
And they are super, super busy.
But they asked me for her care plan and I gave them one. Including meds she needs to take and her routine and so on.

Today I find that they have not been giving her the full dose or memantine. I did give them a zip lock with the mg to give as well as letter from doc and they may have misplaced it. But that's ok. I'm trying not to let it get to me and just let it be.

That's her new home, they have 30 odd people to take care of and I just need to let them do it. I have to -I really can't take anymore.

Thanks again.

 

[Alberta23]

You are doing such a good job. Your mum is really lucky to have you watching over her and being her voice. Older people struggle so much with words and feeling a burden, they often keep quiet. Make sure you give yourself some TLC. It's important you get chance to recharge and have some time out. It's easy to get burnout, and feel overwhelmed.
It may be useful writing a list of anything you feel you need to address, but then, knowing you wont forget, put the list aside till you see mum the next time, and catch up with friends, or do something that helps you relax. I attend craft classes etc to unwind.
I agree its hard for staff to reduce food, for fear of under feeding your mum. But Is there anyway they can give her little and often? My mum couldnt physically eat huge amounts in one go, and she ate really slowly. She needed time to eat and not feel rushed. At home she ate little and often.
So having other snacks in your mums room, to eat inbetween meals, may be helpful. Chocolates, fruit, crisps, cakes, bottled juices, anything that won't go off in a warm room. Or if they can let her eat her desert later on in her room.
Everyone is different. But there are ways round that can work for everyone.
Ring CareRights Uk and ask if they have other ideas also, especially for nighttime checks. They specialise in everything around Care needs. The more strategies you can try the better.
It would help if doors had little windows in them, then they wouldnt have to open doors, but i guess thats a fire safety thing.
Sensor mats are good, if you were worried about her falling out of bed. And access to hand buzzers for getting staff. Accessible when your mum's in bed. Theres always other solutions that help both ways.
But do concentrate on yourself as well. You can help your mum more if you are recharged.