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Care home options

Vortigen

Registered User
Dec 30, 2020
12
0
My Aunt will I think need to move to a care home later this year. I am the next of kin. She has her own house so will be responsible for the cost of care....who is it best to get in touch with for advice regarding the first steps? Do I need to identify a care home first or should I involve her local social services or maybe another organisation?

I posted before as my aunt has invented a man who is impersonating her dead husband....that has gone quite recently. Most recent calls have been regarding her missing parents who died 30+ years ago. She is convinced her mum is at the neighbours , as I am the closest relative and live 40 miles away it is difficult to distract. What is the best advice for dealing with her 'mum'....I initially tried "she is in heaven with your dad" and she accepted that, for about 10 minutes. Then asked where she was again....I eventually settled her by saying there was a good programme on TV and I was going to watch it with a nice cup of tea. But I need advice on another distraction or alternative idea.

sorry for two very different questions
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,809
0
Bedford
Hi. There was a post the other day called ‘care home costs’ with a similar question which had some useful information on that might help. Sorry I don’t know how to do links.
My Mum was self funding. I contacted local council and they supplied a booklet with care homes in and what type of care they provided - both council run and private. There is also a website carehome.co.Uk.
I basically ended up going round about 9 and then took my Mum to see 3 which I considered the most suitable (At that time Mum was open to the idea of a care home ‘when the time was right’ ).
obviously this is much harder now.
Do you or anyone have LPA for your Aunt? It might be an idea to get that in place if not.
I must admit I did not have any support from social services or any other organisations as Mum was self funding.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,237
0
This link might be useful for you @Vortigen . You can search for care homes by area and various other criteria. It also has very helpful information at the bottom of the main page regarding funding, how to choose a care home and so on. My mum was self funding and I never involved social services. You sound to be doing well with the "love lies" concerning your mum's parents. Best to say anything you think she will readily accept at the time and then distract. It's not easy.

 

Vortigen

Registered User
Dec 30, 2020
12
0
Thanks for the information. Will have a look at the sites today....this who forum really helps and it seems most have issues far harder than mine. It just seems when you are receiving calls or dealing with issues that you are the only one. Clearly there are so many people out there caring for their loved ones.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,237
0
I think this is the thread which @Bikerbeth mentioned:

 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
166
0
Something I hadn't appreciated when I was looking into this some time ago, is that, obviously (but not obvious to me at the time!), your chosen home has to have a space! That probably sounds really stupid, but I suppose I thought you just picked one, job done. You certainly won't be able to reserve a place for some point in the future.
Identifying a few likely candidates now will narrow the field when the time comes. Obviously it's difficult to view anywhere at the moment, but try to be practical about what your aunt actually needs, rather than being swayed by the window dressing.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,667
0
South coast
Something I hadn't appreciated when I was looking into this some time ago, is that, obviously (but not obvious to me at the time!), your chosen home has to have a space! That probably sounds really stupid, but I suppose I thought you just picked one, job done. You certainly won't be able to reserve a place for some point in the future.
Quite a few care homes do have waiting lists, though. So if there is a particular care home that you like and it looks like it would meet her needs, but they dont have a space at the moment, you can always ask whether they have a waiting list. This is also quite useful (especially if they are self-funded) if you think that the person will need a care home soon, but you are still just about coping. Obviously, the care home will assess them before the final yes (in case things have changed while they were on the waiting list), but it can be very helpful.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,556
0
When looking at homes for my mother we weren’t sure whether to move her near me or near my brother. My sister in law found a home near them that sounded good and put mum’s name down. By the time there was a space, mum had been settled near me and circumstances meant a move near my brother wasn’t a good idea at that time. SIL and I decided to keep mum on the waiting list in case things changed, and the home was fine with that.
 

Lemondrizzle

Registered User
Aug 26, 2018
144
0
Something I hadn't appreciated when I was looking into this some time ago, is that, obviously (but not obvious to me at the time!), your chosen home has to have a space! That probably sounds really stupid, but I suppose I thought you just picked one, job done.
Me too.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
675
0
The advice already given is good advice. Some other thoughts:

Look at general review websites, as well as the specialist one mentioned, to see as many reviews as you can.
Check the care quality commission website for their assessment.
Consider how easily you or other family could get there by public transport, do not assume you will all always be able to drive
Ask around if you can, if you know anyone in the world of care.
 

Vortigen

Registered User
Dec 30, 2020
12
0
Thanks so much for the really helpful advice. I am holding off as long as I can as she has lived in the same home for 50 years and has her beloved cats with her there. I just wanted to make sure what I was doing was going in the right direction.

I have found two small homes near to me which seem to tick all the boxes and have good reports from QCC. I made initial contact and they do care for Alzheimers. I will monitor her condition closely over the next few months.

She has increased her sundowning issues ( which is tough as she lives alone) surrounding her dead husband, Mum and Dad. Very difficult to distract...I have used the truth which she will accept initially, but then asks the same questions 10 mins later. At the moment "How are the cats" works best.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,667
0
South coast
I have found two small homes near to me which seem to tick all the boxes and have good reports from QCC. I made initial contact and they do care for Alzheimers.
Be careful with care homes that say they"will accept Alzheimers", because this usually means that they will only accept people in the early, easy, stages of dementia. Once they then start wandering into other peoples rooms, develop incontinence, resist personal care or show any form of aggression you are likely to then be asked to find somewhere else.

Best to check beforehand what sort of stage dementia they will accept and what sort of behaviour they would not.
 

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