A few random thoughts, based on my experience looking after Mum and her tapping toes for years, and now inflicting my singing on folk at dementia groups and in a few care homes.
First, I initially hated all the old tunes... they can be very... dispiriting in a way, especially when played slowly. But I've learned the hard way to avoid the old standards at my peril. These songs filter down via aural osmosis from one generation to the next... whether we like it or not! So I always warm up with the (very) old favourites, though I do like to spice things up a bit by playing slower the first time, then speeding up for a repeat to make it more cheerful, once memories have hopefully been jogged... though, to be fair, there are a lot of very elderly people with perfect recall of the old standards. And they aren't shy of telling me if I miss a verse or get something wrong!
Another thing about the old songs and themes... a lot of folk with dementia are missing their parents, and the general familiarity and safety of their very distant youth. So even if they were born after such songs'd had their heyday, they grew up in an environment where that period of music and culture was still strong. It may be comforting to many to be swaddled in the distant past. Heck, it's getting that way for me too, the way the world's going. Somedays I think they're the lucky ones, oblivious to the present day!
But clearly nobody wants it to be all ancient stuff, especially in mixed environments with carers (especially outside care homes) and a cross-generational audience. So my repertoire has a lot of bits and pieces from through the decades... usually memorable songs are memorable for a reason to any generation. I'm always surprised how many people know the chorus to "Those Were The Days" and "Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree".
However I'm also surprised sometimes by how little response other well known songs from the 60s/70s get (I'm looking at you, Roger Whittaker!) so I learned to bale out of songs quickly if they get no traction, or just to sing choruses even on some that do. But if all is going to pot, I resort to "Side by Side", "You Are My Sunshine" and "Daisy, Daisy". Because everyone knows them and they are the most likely to get the most people singing along, lifting the group again. And it's the communal singing that matters more than what's being sung. So the core of the repertoire is all "Hello Dolly" and "My Old Man's a Dustman" with plenty of attempts to drag things up the decades with Elvis and The Beatles and so on. I haven't inflicted Wonderwall on anyone yet, but give it another decade and who knows!
For everyday background in the care homes I visit, it's usually the telly, droning away... moving pictures, sound, voices, a hypnotic ticking away of time. But I won't be seeing things at a musical time, because when I/we turn up, we
are the musical time. And I hear staff singing to folk in distant corridors, asking folk what they like, trying to please when they can, or continuing what we started, when we leave.
Another factor in care homes is trying to upset the least number of people for the maximum amount of time. The staff will know who gets upset at which songs... which songs perk up the folk who respond to little else. I had an occasion like that this week, when I sang a couple of songs to someone and her daughter in a side room. She responded so wonderfully to "Underneath the Arches" that it made me cry... which isn't good for your singing voice, I discovered.
Anyway... the point is that for all the statistical similarities we see in folk with dementia, trying to find a background atmosphere which keeps things as settled, and folk as reassured, as possible can't be easy. I get only the briefest of glimpses into care home life, but, on the whole, my limited experience has been pretty good. However I have seen that, as with the physical care side of things, a really good entertainment coordinator can make an awful lot of difference to a home. It's not an easy role, especially as budgets and time will naturally focus on keeping people safe.
So, er... music... maybe, at the heart of it there's an element of familiarity. I like a Chocolate Hobnob, but in my heart of hearts, nothing makes me feel that all's right with the world like a Rich Tea finger or Custard Cream. Because they were what I grew up with. And I realised recently that the musical repertoire I'd like to favour, and do when I can, is basically a Terry Wogan playlist from about 1975... when I was starting to pay attention to music. The past casts a very long shadow, and there are an awful lot of folk in the homes I visit that are in their 90s. Though when I say folk, I mean almost exclusively women.
Ok, I don't post here very often any more... I feel like I've lost my membership card as my caring duties recede. But dementia is the healthcare Hotel California... you can check out, but you can never leave!
Which is probably not a song I should try in a care home.
So I'll just add, before I shut up, all my best wishes to everyone still struggling, still caring, still loving, still singing along to songs they never thought they'd sing. I applaud each and every one of you. 👏
Right, I'm off to practice "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles" again, 'cos I struggle to remember the chords and I really ought to know them by now!
