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Care home “friends without benefits”!


Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
So as I posted before, my OH went into respite care 2 weeks ago, and I pick him up on Saturday. The home called tonight, and one of the senior nurses wanted me to know that he has formed an “attachment” to one of the other residents, an 80yr old woman. (He is 81) she said that they follow each other around, and sometimes hold hands. She thinks he is her husband and he calls her his friend. I actually laughed at first, and I do know that this sort of thing can happen in homes, and they don’t appear to worried about it, especially as he has been asking for me. Does anyone have experience of this? And will it take long for him to settle back in at home?


Registered User
Feb 9, 2017
This must be a worrying time @Thethirdmrsc, I have no experience of this kind of situation, but if he has managed to establish a friendly relationship so quickly I would imagine it would be the same when he comes home. If he does not recognise you as his wife he is likely to see you as a friend that he can rely on.


Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
This hinges on capacity. Unpleasant as the thought may be, the question is whether he has the mental capacity to decide to form an adulterous relationship, and I suppose the lady involved has to be similarly assessed. If he does have capacity for that decision he is free to have a sexual relationship with any adult he pleases just like anyone else. If not then the care home staff should be putting a stop to it given that he is a married man.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
My mum (a widow) formed an attachment to a gentleman in her care home and thought he was her husband, but the gentleman in question (still married) knew he was not. They were both residents so the care home worked hard to keep them apart, but eventually they became simply friends.

As he just thinks that they are friends and its only for a couple of weeks, I wouldn't be too concerned. I suspect that it won't make it harder for him to settle when he gets home. She will probably get forgotten quite quickly


Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
I wouldn't worry too much, it's good your husband feels settled, and has made a friend.
My mother actually formed a sexual relationship with a resident much younger than herself. The man's wife understandably objected and the home were concerned as my mother didn't have the capacity to make informed judgements about relationships and was eyeing up other male residents too. In the end the home moved mum to another floor, which was actually better in all sorts of ways for her as she seemed to settle much better. She still saw the other resident when there were activities on, but everyone tried to make sure they didn't spend too much time together.
As your husband is only there until Saturday I'm sure he'll soon forget it all when he gets home.