can't stop crying and shaking hug needed

[heartbroken]

we have had a hurrendus week
Edna has been so bad dad can't walk pass her without her pinching or hitting him.

on monday she was so bad dad frightened me I thought he was going to kill her so I quickly took her out I walked round for 5hrs before I took her back.

Tuesday I enlisted my brother to take us out so we walked round a large garden centre 3 times had a drink then went back

Wednesday was her day care but they didn't come until 11am to get her so it was only for 4hrs.

Thursday again another bad day so I got my hubby to have the day off to take us out. while in the house she is unbearable on return the physio came she was disgusted how Edna treated me and said she was going to let cpn know.

today I took her to group but before we went she attacked dad screamed at me and was in a bad mood said she wasn't going to group so my brother that gives us a lift came we set of for what Edna thought was a ride round but as we got to group she started on me again. during group I broke down I just felt like walking out and leaving her I can't do anything right how hard I try.
everyone was great I was took into a back room for a break and drink while someone keep a eye on Edna for me, they was all wonderful.
before I left the cpn phoned as she had heard how thing was, Ednas tablets have been changed prescription was waiting for her at doc's, but when we went for them the chemist didn't have any so my lovely brother drove 20 miles round trip to get them.

fingers crossed they work we will see.

I have to phone on monday to say how she is plus I am having a visit on weds at home so we can talk.

I think the time is that she will have to go into a ch but I know she will not go willingly.

 

[Skye]

Dear Heartbroken

You have indeed had a horrendous week.

I hope the new medication works, and you have a peaceful weekend. Have you got an emergency number in case you need it? You shouldn;t be left without support for the weekend.

It does sound as if a NH is becoming inevitable, you have done so much for Edna, but you're going to wear yourself out.

Lots of sympathy, and a huge hug.

 

[julieann15]

Oh Heartbroken
If I was near I would come round and give you a really big hug- I am a Derbyshire lass who has settled south of the border- it must be so awful for you- my heart goes out to you.

BIGGEST HUGS

Julie xx

 

[Helen33]

Dear Heartbroken

I am so sorry that you have had such a horrible week caring for a very agitated Edna. You must be at the end of your tether and very exhausted and I can only hope for you that the right medication will help ease the situation.

I am glad that the people at the group came up trumps for you and that you were supported. I bet they admire the way you care for Edna and the lengths you go to to try and help her and your dad. You deserve a medal. It seems your brother turned up trumps as well which helped a lot.

I want to send one of those lovely hugs that people send but I'm scared that if I start looking for one at this stage of my post, I will lose it altogether into the global black hole so I'll send one later.

Love

 

[Lanie]

I'm so sorry you have a had such an awful week. It sounds as if your at crisis point and desperately need help. Did the CPN mention anything about admitting her to an assessment ward, where her medication could be monitored and they have other medication that can be used for aggression etc. To me it sounds like that is what is needed.
When my Mum was having her severe delusions we were offered a bed by both the consultant and the CPN, as much as didn't want to we had to accept it and realise it was for the best as we could no longer do anything for her. Although my situation isn't the same, having read your previous posts, I feel that is now what you need. You've done your best and thats all any one could expect. You now need help.

Take care, I hope next week brings some answers for you and your family.

Lanie

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Heartbroken

You really must get help for Edna, either medication or a spell in an assessment unit for observation of her behaviour. It is far too challenging for anyone to manage 24/7 and your poor father must be at his wits end, even though he has so much support from you.

I cannot believe I am actually recommending an assessment unit but awful though they may be, they can help.

Please let the CPN see how desperate things are

Love xx

 

[gigi]

Hugs.....

Hello Heartbroken.....

Adding my support...

You are doing such a good job with Edna.....

I think the time is that she will have to go into a ch but I know she will not go willingly.

Try the new medication first.

But if it has to be care home..you've done more than your best for her.

Let us know how things work out.....

Love gigi xx

 

[heartbroken]

Thanks for all the hugs
the cpn knows how bad it is and is trying if she comes on weds and reconmends a assesment ward I would welcome it we so much need a rest, Edna will have to be sectioned if we mention hospital she goes crazy even if its for a out patients appointment, dad is at the end of his tether and I'm not far behind so desprate for the meds to work

 

[lesmisralbles]

Dear Heartbroken

Big BIG HUG XX
Barb & Ron XXXX

 

[twinone]

adding my support also

So sorry that Edna is going through such a bad stage it must be awful for you all. Its good that you and your brother are there for your dad, I am sure he appreciates you both so much.

Maybe it is time for her to be somewhere where they can control her aggressive behaviour, either short term for respite or long term care. I dont know how much longer you would all be able to cope with this behaviour unless it was helped by medication. It sounds like she definately needs to go on an assessment ward to sort this out.

Hope you all have a better day tomorrow.

Love Janet

 

[christine_batch]

Dear heartbroken,

I do hope that medication helps Edna.

You and your family cannot go on like this and I sincerely hope that something positive comes your way soon.

Sending you love and respect.

Christine

 

[salacious]

hug

oh sweetie you poor thing, heres a hug all the way from the west midlands. i know its terrible to go through this but you must be strong, i must say that the anger and punching and kicking will eventually subside, it is only a matter of time.

as for putting edna in a care home, if you think it best for all of you then that is what you must do, yes you will feel guilty and every time you go and see her it will come back again, but in the long run surely it is better for you to visit and be there in true form than to be around her all day and so drained from it you cant give her a true smile? think about it.

meanwhile we are here for one more of those hugs

love

 

[connie]

Group hug coming up, especially for you 'heartbroken'.

Of course anyone is welcome to join in.

 

[Nebiroth]

Dear heartbroke first of all a big -hug- you sound as though you need it.

I speak from experience when I say that behavior this challenging is or will shortly be beyond your capacity to cope with.

I'm afraid that we too have been down the familiar path of "changing tablets and seeing if it helps". But sadly a lot of these tablets (you don't say what they are, but I am guessing they are an antipsychotic of one sort or another) can take some time to build to full benefit ...if they work at all. It can be a lengthy period of trial and error to find the right doseage of the right drug. And all the time you are having to cope with the challenging behavior.

This constant strain can break the strongest of people. It sounds as though your poor dad is at his wits end and close to breaking point himself. And all the while you are in the firing line between Edna and dad.

I think you must be prepared to press very hard to get the help you need. When Edna has violent episodes, be prepared to call in Edna's GP, if it is during hours, and if not call the emergency doctor.

In the meantime, you should be pressing hard to get the CPN to visit as soon as you can. Preferably, you should be pushing for Edna's consultant/psychiatrist to come and assess her. Most people diagnosed with dementia have such dealing with the case.

I'm sure you understand that Edna is ill, and cannot help her behavior, but at the same time it is my firm belief that any sort of violence simply must not be tolerated. It is impossible for you to keep "coping" like this, it sounds as though it is affecting your health.

I am sorry to say, but it really does sound as though Edna should be on an assessment ward, where she can receive the care she needs in an environment that keeps her and the people around her safe. It will be much easier to try different medications in such to try and find one that works.

We have just been through a similar process, although my dad wasn't actually physically agressive his delusional behavior and agression was making life intolerable.

Be prepared to keep banging on every door until you get the help that you - and Edna - so desperately need. It's just not acceptable to simply be told to "change the tablets" and then be left for a week to cope.

You - and your dad - will I think need to gain acceptance that Edna may now need help that is beyond your power to give, and that she needs to be in a professional care environment.

We found that once we managed to "get the wheels rolling" the doctors and social servives were all very kind and understanding.

If Edna is unwilling, then it may be necessary to Section her. There is usually some reluctance to section someone unless they are a danger to themselves or others but it sounds as though there is such a danger in your situation anyway.

Sectioning is never a pleasant experience, it's an agonising decision for relatives and can be traumatic if the patient is un-coperative but certainly we found in our case that the doctors and social worker who authorised my dad's section were very kind, understanding of our situation and sympathetic. The ambulance staff will be trained to deal with the situation - quite often people who are resistant can be persuaded by "authority figures" like doctors or nurses in uniform.

My dad ranted and raved that he wouldn't go to hospital, that he would run away, there was nothing wrong with him, but when the ambulance actually arrived he didn't put up any sort of struggle or anything (much to our relief).

I'm sorry to ramble on but I do think that your situation sounds particularly fraught and that Edna, dad and yourself are in desperate need of help.

It is vital to continually stress that "we cannot possibly cope". If you don;t say this, then I'm afraid that overworked and understaffed services will oeprate on the assumption that you can cope ...until you tell them otherwise.

 

[Claire]

Dear Heartbroken

I can only agree with everyone else - you have been so strong in dealing with this situation, but I think most of us reach a stage where we have to call for help. Your dad, and you and your brother, are important, as well as Edna and this disease can break us all. Like Nebiroth, I found the magic phrase was "I can't cope any more". From the time I said it, the wheels were in motion, and an emergency placement was found - and I wasn't having to deal with physical aggression. You are a star. Take care.

Claire

 

[heartbroken]

up date

Not good
Meds have made no different so far, Edna was still arguementive didn't like me taking to dad, I tried to get dad on his own but couldn't so we will have to see what tomorrow brings.
as I left dad looked at me so longing and fed up just as he was saying help I don't know what to do next to help him I have my own family which I feel I'm negleting, today as I arrived I didn't feel like taking to her I could just get hold of he and scream at her I know she can't help it but its still so hard.


its a Antipsychotics she is taking but I don't know the name until iv'e asked dad I forgot today but will find out

 

[Skye]

It might take a while for the antipsychotics to take effect.

But if things don't improve, I think you're going to have to have Edna admitted. Your dad sounds as if he can't cope any more, and you certainly can't go on like this.

Please get help on Monday.

Love and hugs,

 

[Nebiroth]

Antipsychotics can take a while to work, but their calming effect should be more immediate - it's the deeprooted problems that take longer (such as paranoia).

If you feel you can't cope then don't wait - if necessary, call the emergency out-of-hours service; usually, if you phone your normal GP surgery number then it will either redirect the call, of have a recording telling you which number to call. In either case you will be put through to someone (usually a nurse) who will assess the situation (this is to filter out idiots who phone because they've cut a finger or have indigestion). They will then arrange for the emergency GP to visit you. The maximum wait time is two hours, it depends on if you're flagged as "urgent" (you will be) and how many calls the doctor is on and where they are. When the doctor visits you must make sure you tell him/her everything, and stress that neither you or dad can cope. The doctor may either offer emergency medication, such as a sedative, or may arrange for an admission.

If you feel that either yourself, dad or Edna are at imminent risk, then you MUST dial 999 and ask for either an ambulance or the police. Do not hesitate, this is what the services are there for. The nurse mentioned above may even advise you to do this anyway if they feel the situation warrants it.

You sound as though you and dad are at your wit's end and are at breaking point - both your and his health are suffering, you have your own family concerns which take precedence. And Edna herself is suffering too, who knows what state of mind she is in that is causing her to be violent.

It really does sound as though you have hit crisis point, it's no use trying to ride out the storm and hope these tablets will work, you need help now. You will need to be assertive with the various services because they will assume you can cope until you tell them you can't.

The key points are - the danger posed to all concerned from Edna's violent phases, the danger to all your health from the strain of trying to manage them.

You must say "we cannot possibly cope with this".

 

[heartbroken]

Thanks Hazel and Nebiroth for your surport,

I have made my mind up I am going to tell cpn everything that has happened wether or not dad likes it for his own good, I have stayed at home today, I phoned dad to see if he was ok, he is so fed up, its coming to the point something has to be done.

I am not looking forward to going tomorrow I will have all on to talk to her but as you all know we have to walk in with a smile and hope for a good mood but deep down I just want to cry.
I will be phoning the cpn tomorrow to let her know how the weekend has been as she asked.

 

[Skye]

I have made my mind up I am going to tell cpn everything that has happened wether or not dad likes it for his own good,

It's all you can do now, heartbroken. Stay strong, it's for all your good.

I'll be thinking of you.

Love,