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Can't get my dad out of bed


Registered User
Nov 29, 2019
Hi everyone, hope you're all well. :)

It's pretty much impossible to get my dad out of bed. Since he stays in bed all day he doesn't want to sleep at night properly. I talked to the helpline and asked them for advice and the most I got told to do was to reset his sleep schedule. He won't do anything. It doesn't matter what I try whether I bribe him or not he just goes straight back to bed within 10 minutes, or just won't get up. He ignores me and puts the covers over his head, it's like dealing with a child. The problem is he's always been really defiant, arrogant and apathetic (towards me mostly) so it doesn't really suprise me it's worse now. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

He never wants to go out, do activities or anything. He's never cared to do anything much with me in the past really (and by past I mean my entire 19 years of being alive), so it kind of makes sense he doesn't want to do anything with me now lol. He yells at you and bats away and just goes to sleep. It also means he doesn't eat properly.

At my limit now, really getting on my nerves and like I've mentioned before I cannot get support for him at the moment. Can't stand him getting up all night, opening the doors and getting food at night and making a huge mess of crumbs, cutlery jam and bread in the kitchen. Then going back to bed and making yelling noises all night. Rinse and repeat. All night.

Any ideas?

Chrissie B

Registered User
Jan 15, 2019
North Yorkshire
Hang on a minute. You are 19 years old, and helpline are telling you to reset his sleep pattern?
Sometimes I wonder what's going on in this world.
No.1 Looking after babies, children and even teenagers isn't nearly as difficult as looking after someone who is supposed to be taking care of you.
No. 2 You really are not responsible, and you shouldn't be. You should either be in some kind of education, or working, maybe even as an apprentice somewhere. Going out, meeting up with girls or mates and having fun at times you are not working

Only idea I can think of if you are only 19 years old, is to ring Social Services, tell them that you father is having severe problems, is unable to look after himself, and as a 19 year old, it is not your job to look after him even if you do live in the same house as him.

Use lots of words like danger to himself, scared he might put the cooker on and burn the house down while you are upstairs trying to sleep. Ask questions like what are they going to do about it.


Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
I agree with @Chrissie B You are too young for this. I know it's your dad but this could go on for years and years and then where will you be.. You are 19 and should be working or in further education or anything other than this. I look after my dad who is 90 and he is hell to get out of bed sometimes but I know it won't be forever.

Don't let this rob you of your chances to make a life for yourself. Bless you for trying but it is not your responsibility.


Registered User
Nov 29, 2019
I have my stepmother helping me but she gets too frustrated and tells me nothing works and gives up so it sort of leaves me having to do it myself. I'm not mad at the helpline because I understand they're trying to give me ideas to do things and I don't actually think I gave my age. As for further education I've tried like, 5 times but I am autistic (and possibly ADHD), mentally ill and have learning disorders and only just got my EHCP this year. I also just got kicked off my course because my teacher is ableist and I am having to bring up a discrimination case against him. I restart on a new course in January hopefully but until then I'm stuck inside almost 24/7.

We can't really do anything about social services since they tell us we need to pay but we are in no position to pay. My stepmother is on a spouse visa and we own a small flat we rent out (no one lives in it atm so that's no money we're earning lol) but we need it because my dad needs to prove he has assets and income for my stepmom to get residency. However this screws social care up as they see we own assets and immediately assume we have money. It's garbage. We're 6-10k overdrawn, and have very very little income. I literally have to go to the foodbank sometimes just to eat. The problem is if my dad gets put in a home I'm pretty sure her visa will get declined and I'll be left homeless, since I can't afford to live here. Pray my sister will let me live with her but she's poor and I'd have to move to Folkestone leaving all my friends behind. It suuuucks.

All I can do is pray she gets her visa and we can sell the flat to pay for the care until we run out of that money. Until then I have no clue of what to do.

I have tried applying for jobs but it's near impossible in London to get one. So, kinda stuck there. I try to sell my art for money though.