I came here a few days ago to have a bit of a look around after being away for some time. I looked after my mum for nearly 3 years through her Vascular Dementia. firstly after her 'mini/silent' stroke which resulted in very extreme behaviour, and then 18 months later, after a full blown ischaemic stroke, which rendered her immobile and eventually bed bound. She lived to over 92 and had a reasonable life, but the last few years of her life were horrendous. Some of the kind folk on here 'sat' with me during her last few days, which were spent at the local hospital, and I will never forget the support I had. It was kind of reassuring to read that others still struggle to accept/move on/come to terms with their experiences of this horrible condition. For me it's nearly 3 years since mum died and I still feel the experience has a big hold over my life. I had a few holidays after mum died, met up with long unseen friends, managed to find a part time job again and, about 6 months ago, moved house. Maybe I moved a bit too soon, but too late for that now! I'm in a nice house, the neighbours have been welcoming and lovely, my job came with me as we now all work from home, I have friends nearby, etc., but it struck me recently that although I am coming to terms with mum's death, I am still haunted (I can't think of a better word!) by the whole experience. The things she said, the scenes I witnessed both at home and in hospital. The sadness of it all. The sadness of having been a witness to how cruelly her dementia affected her. Distraction helps, anything really, but you can't distract yourself every waking moment, and as soon as I start dwelling, it all comes back. Maybe it's just going to take a bit longer to find this peace, or to at least feel a bit more comfortable with the experience.
I don't really expect any answers, just wanted to share. I still find so many people don't understand and make upsetting comments. I guess it really doesn't matter what other people say, what's important for me is to be able to feel happier with my life than I seem able to right now. I'm not miserable all the time, far from it, but there's always this lurking sadness which seems to overwhelm and affect me in varying degrees.
I don't really expect any answers, just wanted to share. I still find so many people don't understand and make upsetting comments. I guess it really doesn't matter what other people say, what's important for me is to be able to feel happier with my life than I seem able to right now. I'm not miserable all the time, far from it, but there's always this lurking sadness which seems to overwhelm and affect me in varying degrees.