Can't do enough.....

[Mammamu]

I'm so angry and upset, feel totally useless and helpless!

Why did we have to meet you: a horrible,nasty and ruthless illness...
For every day that you stay in our life you chip away a bit of me. So many tears, arguments and sleepless nights. I keep thinking what if I have done it differently from the start? Would it be better now?
I hate being trapped constantly having my pause button pressed, living in slow motion....

Then Im wondering when will it be ME time again?
My house is a mess, that gets me down so I start sorting it out. Then I get a call, I'm needed so my life goes on hold again! When I get back to "my life" I'm too exhausted to see or care about the mess.
Then it's starts all over again the next day,week,month,year.....
I'm still wondering when will it be me time?
Not just a few minutes or hours here and there that I steal. Proper ME time, when I can enjoy myself without feeling guilty for doing something just for me?
Now I sound so selfish....

I don't want to win the lottery, just have my lovely father in law back I miss him so!
All I see now is a man that look like him but is under attack by the Alzheimer’s demon, it's not what he tells me or do that hurst me. It's seeing the pain,the fear and sadness in his eyes....

Please let him go I can't take this any more, this is not a life it's torture...

I hope he knows I still love him?

Sorry for the random rant...
Mammamu

 

[LadyA]

You are right, Mammamu. It is torture. For both the person with the illness and those who love them and have to watch them. It is so unfair. And, oh, all the times when we long for just an hour of peace. An hour of "me time".

But you know what? That time will come. And it isn't all it's cracked up to be.

What's really needed is a lot more support for people with dementia and for carers, so that there can be a balance. A quality of life, and a dignified life, for both pwd and carer. We can dream.

Meanwhile, Good Job, Mammamu. Useless and helpless you are very obviously not. Useful and helpful.

 

[smartieplum]

Your message is so raw and certainly hit a nerve with me.