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Can't bear to see my mum crying and confused

Kaos012

New member
Feb 19, 2019
7
Hi all,
My dear mum is 90 with dementia or should I say, was a young glamourous 90 year old, until a chest infection this feb, which lasted about 6 months. Since then she has lost 3 stone, is bed ridden and her dementia has got a lot, lot worse. She now constantly cries, panics and doesn't remember some of the family, including my young son and even her dear beloved husband who she doted on for 60 years. She constantly rips old photos up and squashed her wedding and engagement rings onto her finger somehow and had to had them cut off in hospital. My sister went to see her the other day and she was crying uncontrollably for 2 hours and said she thought she was going mad. She says her mind is very jumbled and doesn't understand why? It's all very up and down. Btw she's in a nursing home and is well cared for. The thing is, we are very close and I'm so scared to go and see her, incase she's in a state. I can't bear to think of her confused and panicky, it fills me with so much sadness I can't concentrate on anything. All I want to do is curl up, go to sleep and forget everything. I just can't cope anymore seeing her like this. Please help with advice.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,411
Hi all,
My dear mum is 90 with dementia or should I say, was a young glamourous 90 year old, until a chest infection this feb, which lasted about 6 months. Since then she has lost 3 stone, is bed ridden and her dementia has got a lot, lot worse. She now constantly cries, panics and doesn't remember some of the family, including my young son and even her dear beloved husband who she doted on for 60 years. She constantly rips old photos up and squashed her wedding and engagement rings onto her finger somehow and had to had them cut off in hospital. My sister went to see her the other day and she was crying uncontrollably for 2 hours and said she thought she was going mad. She says her mind is very jumbled and doesn't understand why? It's all very up and down. Btw she's in a nursing home and is well cared for. The thing is, we are very close and I'm so scared to go and see her, incase she's in a state. I can't bear to think of her confused and panicky, it fills me with so much sadness I can't concentrate on anything. All I want to do is curl up, go to sleep and forget everything. I just can't cope anymore seeing her like this. Please help with advice.
Sweetheart, as well as sadness and fear, you are suffering with shock and that makes us feel we can't cope. THis is so very hard on you all. It really is how dementia can present. You could have a word with the manager and phone when you want to visit to see if your mum is calmer and would be able to be visited. There's not a lot of point otherwise and it will only add to your upset. I understand exactly how you feel and see so many family members suffering from shock and grief when they see their loved ones like this. See what you think about my suggestion.
Warmest, Kindred
 
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Kaos012

New member
Feb 19, 2019
7
Sweetheart, as well as sadness and fear, you are suffering with shock and that makes us feel we can't cope. THis is so very hard on you all. It really is how dementia can present, I volunteer in a nursing home and see many residents have crying times like this. You could have a word with the manager and phone when you want to visit to see if your mum is calmer and would be able to be visited. There's not a lot of point otherwise and it will only add to your upset. I understand exactly how you feel and see so many family members suffering from shock and grief when they see their loved ones like this. See what you think about my suggestion.
Warmest, Kindred
 

Kaos012

New member
Feb 19, 2019
7
Thanks, I think I will ring before I go in to see her. I've been in fear all day thinking of her, I just can't get the image out of my head how desperately sad and muddled she is. Not like her at all. To think it was only 7 months ago that she was a different person. Smiling, happy, fun with lovely hair and makeup. Now she's just a frightened shell of a person.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,184
South coast
She might be smiling and happy next time you see her @Kaos012 - dementia is like that, you will get good days and some bad days. I think phoning first is a good idea.
 

Lellyhelly

Registered User
Jul 27, 2019
28
Hello, I have experienced similar feelings, Admiral Nurses have been a great deal of help to me. It may be beneficial also to contact the nurse practitioner at your GP surgery. You need some help and support , it is out there, reach out and take it. As previous member said, there may be good and bad days with your mum. Love and luck to you.
 

Guzelle

Registered User
Aug 27, 2016
420
Sheffield
My OH can be like that. He would say he was going to smash up the house when in the really bad mood. It could happen after a bout of cellulitis aswell. He would shout at me and push me. The medication helped. But when I saw him in the care home yesterday he seemed very agitated saying I had to get him out of there. But he has had a cellulitis in the home but was given antibiotics so I’m wondering if that’s effecting his mood.