Can't bear to see my mum crying and confused

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Kaos012, Sep 13, 2019.

  1. Kaos012

    Kaos012 New member

    Feb 19, 2019
    7
    Hi all,
    My dear mum is 90 with dementia or should I say, was a young glamourous 90 year old, until a chest infection this feb, which lasted about 6 months. Since then she has lost 3 stone, is bed ridden and her dementia has got a lot, lot worse. She now constantly cries, panics and doesn't remember some of the family, including my young son and even her dear beloved husband who she doted on for 60 years. She constantly rips old photos up and squashed her wedding and engagement rings onto her finger somehow and had to had them cut off in hospital. My sister went to see her the other day and she was crying uncontrollably for 2 hours and said she thought she was going mad. She says her mind is very jumbled and doesn't understand why? It's all very up and down. Btw she's in a nursing home and is well cared for. The thing is, we are very close and I'm so scared to go and see her, incase she's in a state. I can't bear to think of her confused and panicky, it fills me with so much sadness I can't concentrate on anything. All I want to do is curl up, go to sleep and forget everything. I just can't cope anymore seeing her like this. Please help with advice.
     
  2. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,246
    #2 kindred, Sep 13, 2019
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 16, 2019
    Sweetheart, as well as sadness and fear, you are suffering with shock and that makes us feel we can't cope. THis is so very hard on you all. It really is how dementia can present. You could have a word with the manager and phone when you want to visit to see if your mum is calmer and would be able to be visited. There's not a lot of point otherwise and it will only add to your upset. I understand exactly how you feel and see so many family members suffering from shock and grief when they see their loved ones like this. See what you think about my suggestion.
    Warmest, Kindred
     
  3. Kaos012

    Kaos012 New member

    Feb 19, 2019
    7
     
  4. Kaos012

    Kaos012 New member

    Feb 19, 2019
    7
    Thanks, I think I will ring before I go in to see her. I've been in fear all day thinking of her, I just can't get the image out of my head how desperately sad and muddled she is. Not like her at all. To think it was only 7 months ago that she was a different person. Smiling, happy, fun with lovely hair and makeup. Now she's just a frightened shell of a person.
     
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,698
    Female
    South coast
    She might be smiling and happy next time you see her @Kaos012 - dementia is like that, you will get good days and some bad days. I think phoning first is a good idea.
     
  6. Kaos012

    Kaos012 New member

    Feb 19, 2019
    7
    Thankyou.
     
  7. Lellyhelly

    Lellyhelly Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    11
    Hello, I have experienced similar feelings, Admiral Nurses have been a great deal of help to me. It may be beneficial also to contact the nurse practitioner at your GP surgery. You need some help and support , it is out there, reach out and take it. As previous member said, there may be good and bad days with your mum. Love and luck to you.
     
  8. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    395
    Sheffield
    My OH can be like that. He would say he was going to smash up the house when in the really bad mood. It could happen after a bout of cellulitis aswell. He would shout at me and push me. The medication helped. But when I saw him in the care home yesterday he seemed very agitated saying I had to get him out of there. But he has had a cellulitis in the home but was given antibiotics so I’m wondering if that’s effecting his mood.
     
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,698
    Female
    South coast
    Im sure it will have done
     

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