can not do anything right

[malcolmpr]

Hi Everybody
My wife is in the early stages of alzheimers and I don't seem to be able to do anything right. When I go out I never know what to expect when I return she finds fault with everything I do I feel like walking away but of course I never will. Does any other carer have this problem is it part of her condition?
malcolm Price

 

[Varandas]

Sorry to hear but it can be true.
I have been in the same situation many times before. It is not easy.
Patience. Give yourself and the other person five minutes.
Come back and smile again. Start again.
Starting again and again.
Agreeing and nodding at the right times.
More patience is required.
It is sooooo frustrating but with time it will calm down.
Wishing you all the best

 

[hollycat]

Hi

I live with and care for my mum with AD and mum is very similar ie finding faults.


However, mum really isn't finding fault, it is the Alzheimers that is finding fault !


It is very very difficult not to take the fault finding to heart, however, the only way of coping I have managed to find is by looking my mum in the eye and feeling pity for her as I honestly believe she has no idea of what she is actually saying.


I hope my straight and honest view of my mum does not cause you any further distress

 

[clareglen]

Yes, I think it is part of the condition & looking back (care for my mum) I think it's been a forerunner of the dementia for decades, not just recently. I find that she is 'better' (to deal with) when she's worse & the better she is the more difficult she is to deal with (if you know what I mean).

 

[JigJog]

Hi Malcolm,

I am in exactly the same situation as you.

My husband is in the early stages of Alzheimer's. I also find it difficult to take on everything and yet be criticised for things that I do.

I just try to put myself in his situation. I go upstairs, sit on the bed and screw my eyes up tight and imagine how I would feel if I were him. I'd be irritable, cross, angry, I'd feel worthless but most of all I'd feel frightened.

Once I've done this, then I can understand why my husband is responding as he is and with that understanding comes a little more patience.

Like rearing a child, each stage of this illness is going to bring its own challenges and difficulties. This is ours for now.

Hang on in there. You're not on your own.

 

[Fed Up]

Yup most of us know exactly how you feel, which must mean its all part of the saga that is VD/A disease. Don't make it easier though. My mum is now in care, but I used to go birdwatching on the way home from her flat. Just me the bind and the odd harrier took me from near suicide to sanity in a couple of miles.
Please do find a distraction I do think I came very close to hurting mum in sheer frustration and rage, its hard but you are important and might even need to talk about getting a repute break or carer in so you can have some me time. Its not selfish to say that someone is getting to you, its realistic; we are not saints no matter how much we love the sufferer. Do try something completely selfish and indulgent for a treat. S-- the housework and cleaning take time out.

 

[sistermillicent]

Mum was like this and made dad's life really miserable, as if having the diagnosis of AD wasn't bad enough for the pair of them. It isn't just about memory loss, which a lot of people don't realise when they haven't experienced being with someone who has dementia.
Dad was upset because mum's memory was the least of the problems but it seemed to be the one everybody focused on. I felt the same. People here understand that.

 

[steffie60]

Yes, I get the same thing with my mother. When she is being reasonable it is easy to manage her but there are times that I go out and I have left her all day to go and enjoy myself. Of course this is not true I have just been to the shops for necessities. This disorder seems to change just as you think you have a handle on it off you go in another direction. Patience and kindness seem to pay off and at any time there is a challenging situation walk away and come back later and never take anything personally, it is the disorder speaking not your loved one. Help is always here and on facebook you can find Norm McNamarra who is a sufferer with great insight and drive.
Do try to make sure you have some time out for yourself though as it does help. Best wishes.

Sent from my GT-P5110 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Isn't it hard to find yourself so often in the wrong, especially when you're trying hard to do what's right? There's a lot of understanding on here, and understanding it's the Dementia and not the person does help,but oh...it hurts!

You may find , as I have, that just occasionally there might to be a breakthrough. My husband will suddenly say " This must be so hard for you. I don't do it on purpose you know". And a few minutes later he's raging again about some imagined offence

I try to think back to the time when I could do nothing wrong!