Can I ... Should I?

[Sam Luvit]

Evening @Earthgirl72

I’ll raise a glass later to your success. Don’t knock it when things fall into place. It’s rare & very welcome, but it does leave you looking around trying to see who gave the big kick to get it done

Loving the hugs. Thank you

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Amy in the US

I’ll mention the cough tomorrow, I think it’s DN’s, I’m a bit lost on who & when.

I’ve had to attempt good manners with his wife, just so I can see my brother. She’s one self centred person (insert as applicable). I’ll laugh my socks off if she gains nothing from Mum. I’ll look after brother, but not 1p to her if I have anything to do with it .... and calm Sam

Hugs helped

 

[rosy18]

Hi Sam I have to agree with everyone else re pain control for your Mum, you are definitely doing the right thing re her meds. You're doing a fantastic job Sam your dear Mum could not have any better care than what you are giving.
Tears in Tesco like others have said we've all shed a few tears in places we shouldn't have but sometimes we just have no control so no bad thing to let them flow wherever we are.
Good to know you and your bro had that all important chat I think he has realised these last few weeks just how difficult a time you have had.
The reaching out whilst sleeping grabbing the air and talking is something Mum does ,more so when she has any infection so I would get that cough checked out Sam.
More warm hugs on their way along with lots of love ((((((((hugs))))))))xx

 

[Toony Oony]

Been following your posts and am thinking of you all. XXX

 

[Prudence9]

So good Sam that your relationship with your brother's improving - sympathy on the SiL front though...

Smoke alarm, if it's a "Fire Angel", they're supposedly extra sensitive to dust and have to be hoovered every five minutes.
Despite my doing this religiously, our two drove me nuts and ended up in a bucket of water in the garden - they kept waking Mum and me up so revenge was taken!
Our Fire Service (who I used to work for), no longer fitted them so I called the manufacturer and they sent me two free.
Six months later one of them started bl**Dy bleeping.....bucket...!

I'm glad you've been able to take control of your Mum's meds, she sounds more comfortable now, good for all of you, it's so hard to watch them in pain.

Public tears, can't be helped, it's trains for me...((((hugs))))

Hoping you have a peaceful night and thinking of you xxxxxx

 

[love.dad.but..]

So good Sam that your relationship with your brother's improving - sympathy on the SiL front though...

Smoke alarm, if it's a "Fire Angel", they're supposedly extra sensitive to dust and have to be hoovered every five minutes.
Despite my doing this religiously, our two drove me nuts and ended up in a bucket of water in the garden - they kept waking Mum and me up so revenge was taken!
Our Fire Service (who I used to work for), no longer fitted them so I called the manufacturer and they sent me two free.
Six months later one of them started bl**Dy bleeping.....bucket...!

I'm glad you've been able to take control of your Mum's meds, she sounds more comfortable now, good for all of you, it's so hard to watch them in pain.

Public tears, can't be helped, it's trains for me...((((hugs))))

Hoping you have a peaceful night and thinking of you xxxxxx

I overshared on a train up to London once with this poor lady who asked if I was ok. Mum had just died suddenly..found her on her 80th...I was living with dementia dad..OH just diagnosed with serious illness...I was on my way to hospital appt for me...felt so embarrassed but I tried hard to keep it all in as we were talking and then whoosh...poor woman I could see her thinking.. oh my I wished I hadn't asked! I can laugh about it now but was mortified at the time.

Sam..glad the meds are working better for your mum and in turn you have more peace as well. Glad you are on better terms with your brother...he must be under pressure at home from SIL...sounds a right....

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @2jays

Mum & dad had the “OAP safety check” done, it’s not my idea lol. I phoned the free phone number, very efficient, very non-empathic, until I said look hun, Mum is end of life & I sat with it in my lap for 2 hours hitting reset, with Mum telling me she’d not done anything .... sudden change of attitude .... replacement coming out today.

 

[rainbowcat]

Public tears, can't be helped, it's trains for me...((((hugs))))

OOOH yes. I have NEVER done public tears...and then my mother collapsed and ended up in hospital. I knew she'd been ill with cancer, but she kept just HOW ill from us. I travelled down to Dorset (from London) expecting "my mother" in a hospital bed...and what I got was a shrunken old lady (she was 69), half the size that she had been 4 months before, chalk white face, milky eyes, papery voice, literally just an old lady head on a hospital pillow. Such an immense shock. How I managed to sit there listening to her trying to explain what had happened ("that house made me sick" - "I was drinking SOO much water" - "I don't know why I'm here") and not cry at all, I don't know. When it was time for me to leave and catch my train, it was such a relief yet such a wrench that I started crying the moment I left her ward, and didn't stop crying for the next 4 days. LUCKILY my train back I had booked online, and the cheapest ticket had been a First Class for about £15, so all the way back from Dorset I sobbed loudly in an empty, reasonably comfortable, air conditioned carriage.

(((hugs to @Sam Luvit and all)))

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Prudence9

Oh the SIL has always been a thorn in my side. She hated that brother & I got on. For the first 5 years of his marriage I wasn’t allowed to phone him at home It caused arguments. She hated that I got on so well with their eldest, kept youngest away from me, saw her At Christmas if I was lucky. Door slammed in face after taking presents. Oh, she’s just an adorable person

Yup. It’s a Fire Angel. In different circumstances I’d get something else, but I don’t have any inclination, so I’ll take a replacement & let someone else have that headache.

So far, the evening is ok. Mum is very sleepy. She takes with her eyes as slits or wide & staring. We are watching rubbish TV. Well, I’m watching & she is sleeping, but at least she’s breathing ok, with occasional wake up & questions

She says dad is around all the tine now.

 

[Sam Luvit]

... Glad you are on better terms with your brother...he must be under pressure at home from SIL...sounds a right....

Hi @love.dad.but..

I can see me doing the oversharing lol. Right now I’m in the “go away & leave me alone” stage. I apologise as I say “please go away, I can’t do this”. As I get up & walk off. If they can’t give me space, they are not a “friend” I want to see

Oh, she really is a .....

 

[Sam Luvit]

Been following your posts and am thinking of you all. XXX

Oh thank you, that’s adorable. I’m going to try & save it .... no doubt @nitram will tell me how & to mind copyright... but I have to save it

 

[Sam Luvit]

@rainbowcat ... hugs, just lots of hugs

 

[rainbowcat]

@rainbowcat ... hugs, just lots of hugs

Thank you

 

[Amy in the US]

Topping you off with more ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))

 

[rosy18]

Here are some to wake up to ((((((((((hugs)))))))))xx
Hoping and praying it's been a peaceful night for you.

 

[Margi29]

Hope that the night was peaceful.
It's good your mum can feel your dad is around, it may give her some comfort.

I've experienced many ask for the window to be opened, so their past loved one can come in x

I'm praying you got some sleep.

 

[2jays]

Hoping you had a peaceful night

Re-tightening my arms around you

xxxx

 

[maryjoan]

Today was emotional, not crying emotional, but thought provoking & comforting ...

Brother & I talked. Really talked. Not idle chat & meaningless exchanges, but really talked. He’s worried about what happens to me if Mum goes into a home or dies. He said he’ll just give me the house, it’s my home now. I explained about outstanding bills & stuff, but he said use all the cash, stocks etc & pay it off so I have somewhere to live. He’s not making me homeless just for money. I’m ashamed to say I was shocked. He’s a better person than I gave him credit for, I should have known

He then really surprised me by talking about things I’d done & how good I was at them, how far I could have gone with them. He told me Mum & dad rubbished everything I wanted to do, didn’t support me, so I’d do what they wanted. For years I’ve felt like no one understood how bad that made me feel, but he knew. It’s like a wall, no an entire building, has been pulled off me. My brother saw, understood & wanted me to know that. He’s not one to talk about feelings, but he wanted me to know he knew what I felt.

He talked about how hard I worked to get my exams, while he coasted & got them. How my youngest & his youngest work so hard to achieve, while our eldests coast & fail. He sounded proud of me. It was humbling. I adore my brother, I’d fight anyone who hurts him, but I’m not sure I can say I’m proud if him. That makes me sad. He’s brilliant at his job, I want him to be happy, up until today I viewed his inaction in sorting his private life as taking the easy option. Now we’ve talked, I know it’s been really hard in him

We talked about Mum. How difficult she can be. How she’s not Mum anymore. He thinks she will come out of hospital but he’s not expecting her to be here next year. I’ll be amazed if she makes it out the front door. He thinks she’s tired & will just give up & slip away once home. I think her deterioration is so rapid, she will just give up.

It’s been quiet a day

I have only just read this about you and your brother - and it strikes so many chords with me. I have a brother and a sister. Our mother actively told both my sister and I that she loved him more than us. He has been hugely successful and is quite a ruthless businessman. I love him very dearly for the boy he was, and because I just do love him - I do not LIKE him - that is an anomaly, but one I have got used to!!!

 

[Sam Luvit]

Topping you off with more ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))

Morning “yawn”. Thank you

 

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @rosy18

I’m so blooming tired. Staggered off to bed & crashed out. Woke to a text message beep. Just the sweetest message from another cousin. All about how much her dad loved my mum.

Brother says Mum had a bad night, arms flailing & bad breathing. He had to walk away at one stage, but couid hear her gasps in the next room

It’s been a week now. She is drinking again & eating a tiny bit. Her eyes are shrunken, her lips are half sores & she looks so old.

I’m going for a long hot shower, then brother can go home & get a few hours sleep, before he goes to work. I don’t know how we are still standing.