Can I ... Should I?

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @DollyBird16

Unfortunately the more you do, the more the services expect you to do. They are overstretched & it’s very much the squeaky wheel. I knew I couldn’t step away, so here I am. I can’t quiet believe it’s been 2 1/2 Years now. But, something has to happen, although early stages, Mum wasn’t eating or taking any care as she’d also just been widowed.

I’d always had dogs, but bigger ones lol. I’ve been without one for several years as I was out so much & youngest was also working. I told Mum, we were getting a pooch. Company for her & it wouId force me to get active. It’s hard taking them out when it’s cold, dark & raining, but it sure wakes you up lol

 

[Sam Luvit]

Weve all been there - I was there yesterday
Dont let the guilt monster win

I just love the Beaty stick for the GM @canary

 

[Sam Luvit]

How long does it take to get used to carers coming in? I know we are only on day 4, but it’s so hard being tied to times (but they are late or worse early), planning is so difficult

Eldest came over today. He stayed for dinner & I said I’d run him home when Mums evening visit came. I was wiping down the table when they arrived nearly 30 minutes early! It was a real rush. Grab everything & leg it out the door. Hardly a relaxing end to dinner. They were waiting for me when I got back (it took me 24 minutes), so it should have been fine, but Mum said they’d rushed her & wanted to go!

Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful for the help, I really am. But, if they are supposed to be here 30 minutes, then that’s what I expect. I certainly don’t want Mum rushed. She gets flustered & more unsteady, even before this episode

I’ve changed her sheets, done more washing & cooked a roast dinner. I want a lazy day tomorrow please

 

[DollyBird16]

Oh I know what you mean @Sam Luvit.
Carers yes the help is wonderful, but the stranger in the house, cannot get my head around it. X

 

[Slugsta]

Evening all,

Sorry that many of you are having sleepless nights - so hard to cope with everything else when you are exhausted

Yes, carers can be something of a mixed blessing, can't they?! I do hope, Sam, that your mum accepts the help so that you can get a bit of down time. The chat with your mum regarding DNR must have been very hard to hear (((hugs))).

Canary, I suspect that the seizures are almost as exhausting for you as for your OH (((hugs))).

Dollybird, I am very glad that your mum seems almost back to 'normal'

Everything I have read tells me that the DWP overpayment is recoverable. The problem is that they have the DOD wrong and that has trebled the amount they think we owe them. I hope that will be easy enough to fix - but I have had dealings with DWP before . . .

 

[DollyBird16]

@Slugsta
I will be thinking of you tomorrow as you hit the phone.
Make sure you have a cuppa close by, I suspect a long conversation. I so hope i’m very wrong. X

 

[Sam Luvit]

Oh I know what you mean @Sam Luvit.
Carers yes the help is wonderful, but the stranger in the house, cannot get my head around it. X

Yes the help is good. Just do many different ones this week as it’s the “crisis” team filling the gap till the other team take over. Boy it’s the telling them all the same things.

They read stroke & expect no speak & no mobility. Mum has regained speach with a few mix ups & is mobile with the zimmer. She’s just very unsteady. It’s affected her balance more than anything.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Everything I have read tells me that the DWP overpayment is recoverable. The problem is that they have the DOD wrong and that has trebled the amount they think we owe them. I hope that will be easy enough to fix - but I have had dealings with DWP before . . .

Hi @Slugsta

Sleep, I even dream of sleeping & I know that’s when I’m just about done in. But, got to keep on going a little longer

Mum is accepted the care. I was blunt with her. No care. No home. Her one hour in the morning sees me staggering off with pooch for a 40 minute hard walk. I come back to getting her breakfast & putting washing on & stripping her bed every other day. I left her alone for 20 minutes today. First time in her own. Two ambulances passed me goung the other way & I got goose bumps. I was desperate to get back to her. Can’t see me going out for a while, but I will have to try it one day.

Mum & I had talked if what she wanted, but not done anything official. I spoke with the hospital & they chatted with her on her own (she has the right & has capacity). She just told brother & I that it was done. She’s also saud, I can get her checked out in the future, but she will refuse going to hospital. That’s going to be hard.

The DWP. Be firm but polite. Confirm what DOD they have & state you will forward death cert for it to be amended. Ask them to write with revised overpayment “if appropriate” once it’s been processed. You know they are wrong, they can’t comment until it’s sorted.

It’ll take a while, but if they have the wrong date, don’t pay a penny till it’s sorted.

When sorted. Explain you need a repayment over 10 months. Can’t get blood out of a stone, they will wait. If they don’t accept, make payment of £5 per month. You paying something takes the sting out of any of their threats.

 

[Slugsta]

Afternoon all,

Sam, I can imagine the effect the ambulances had while you were out!

Well done for laying down the law about carers horrible though the whole event was, it certainly presented the perfect reason for having carers in. If you hadn't pushed the issue then, it would never have happened. And* you really cannot carry on as you have been (((hugs)))

Thanks for you advice re DWP. I managed to get through this morning without too many repeats of 'The four seasons'! The lady I spoke to was very nice and the death registration cert is now on it's way to them. As you say, we can't really do anything until they have that and can recalculate the overpayment.

* Yes, I know one should never start a sentence with a conjunction - so shoot me!

 

[Amy in the US]

Hello, Sam, and how are you both today?

 

[Sam Luvit]

* Yes, I know one should never start a sentence with a conjunction - so shoot me!

Evening @Slugsta

The carers are just for between 2 & 6 weeks, although when that was out in place no one had bothered to tell me she’d had a stroke & not a TIA (or 2)

However, S the cleaner is working out well. Mum thinks she is very quick & “nice”. So that’s a plus & she’s coming 3 times a week

When the overpayment has been recalculated, start making payments if £5 a month, while you argue about how much you can pay, by the time you’ve got an agreement, you’ll have paid some & they tend to let it run as something is coming in. Fingers crossed they are so busy arguing with non payers, they leave you to it

So who told you I’m a gramma nazi

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hello, Sam, and how are you both today?

Evening @Amy in the US

We are having a lazy afternoon watching rubbish films

I’ve walked the dog, raced into town, banked cheques & rushed home. Pooch has had a hair cut & can see again. He looks so cute

I’ve explained to the doctors receptionist that there are four changes to her meds not two. I’ve been into her chemist & explained to them the need to check. I love all this rubbish about chasing the professionals to do their jobs. I just adored explaining to the prescription part of the doctor that, no I can not come in to order the repeat. I can’t leave Mum Doppy girl had an alert from the hospital discharge team, knew Mum had a stroke, but still seemed to think I couid waltz on down & hand in a note requesting the changes Where do these people keep their brains?

Sorry. Soap box rant

Have you managed any improvement to your health?

 

[Amy in the US]

Sam, I don't know why we have to do these idiots' jobs for them. What is with that? It is one of the aspects of caring that makes me insane. I don't have polite terms, for the level of insanity, to which that sort of thing drives me! Aarrgghhh!!

Why can't you just call? Why can't the doctors just send the info and prescriptions directly to the chemist? Why do you have to be their dogsbody? It is just not that difficult! Double aarrrghhh!!!!

There, I've finished ranting on your behalf. Honestly.

I hope you can get the meds sorted.

I am glad you are having a quiet afternoon and hope it continues to be peaceful.

Is your mum seeming more settled back at home? How is the walking and her balance? Is she still a speed demon with the Zimmer/walker/whatever you call it?

Thank you for asking after me, I am finally starting to feel better. It would help quite a lot if I could get to sleep at night (I was up until silly o'clock last night) and not feel so exhausted, but I think there is some improvement overall. I still have a few more days of antibiotic to endure and let us hope this finishes it all off.

Hope you get some rest, yourself!

 

[Sam Luvit]

You know what @Amy in the US i totally agree with you. My doctor is great, the receptionist is helpful, the repeat prescription part works. I ran out of Tramadol, explained I’d not been able to get in as Mum was in hospital & they just sorted it out.

Other side, mums doctor. Blooming useless. I mean seriously. They phone to say they’ve got the alert. Errr, just deal with it then. No chance. They can see there are changes. Changes have been authorised by her GP. So what in heavens name are they expecting me to do? Oh I know. I now have to write a note asking them to order the meds??? For pity’s sake. That is one of the dumbest things I’ve heard so far.

I think the strangest thing was them asking when I want the new meds to start. I mean, come on guys, the hospital changed them in hospital. When do you think they should be changed? Next year? Get a grip. Do your blooming job. I’m no pharmacist but I’m making up pill boxes from 8 different meds, cutting some in half (on a cheese board with a knife), I’m not comfortable doing this

And breathe ".......

Mum is more relaxed being at home. She says she’s not sleeping well, but she’s doing a good imitation each time I check in her. She’s slowed down her walking speed, she’s hesitant now, but we have doorways & more furniture than a hospital ward. Stairs are interesting. I walk behind her going up, which is ok, but I walk backwards in front of her coming down. Physio are not happy with that, but I’d rather I had a chance to catch her than not.

She wants to do one step at a time, only leading with her right leg. I make her walk using both feet, the nurses agree she will be better doing that, but everyone thinks I’m very bossy. We have set a target to go into town for cake & coffee

Her balance is the part effected, so working on getting her more confident. She wobbles a lot on standing, so I’m telling her to raise her head and take a breath before moving off.

Feeling rough & tired, while trying to care for your mum has to be hard. I hope the AB’s kick the lurgi up the proverbial & you can finally get some decent sleep. It’s the lack of sleep that does me in

Presently waiting for the 19.30 care visit .... they came at 19.05 yesterday, it’s 20.00 now

 

[Amy in the US]

Oh, the wobbly balance is such a worry. That and stairs. I do hear you on that.

I don't know if it's a good idea to try to break your mum's fall, if she does have one, especially on stairs. (Heavens forbid you get hurt, as you wouldn't be able to care very well with a broken arm or leg!) But on the other hand I understand completely and I'd probably do the same. It's instinctive, really, especially when they are frail. I'm not being critical or bossy, just worried about you both, I promise.

It makes sense if she is a bit more hesitant at home, with doorways and separate rooms and all that. Some of the wards in hospital have those long, wide, corridors and you do feel you can race down them, so no wonder she was! I would say being slower at home is not really a problem.

Would a wheelchair for outings be safer for her, do you think?

There are little gadgets you can buy, to split pills. We have to split tablets for one of the cat's medicines and it was rubbish trying to do it with a knife, they are tiny and round. Like this: https://www.amazon.co.uk/AcuLife-Pi...coding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=KN0FPSXJD34MMZEEAGXF

Or I would think they would sell them at the chemist's. Might make your life a wee bit easier.

I agree that the lack of sleep is NO GOOD. I could deal with the coughing and the feeling lousy and the unfortunate side effects of the antibiotics, but not being able to sleep, is just not helping.

I hope the carers show up, do their job, and then you can get some sleep, yourself.

 

[Amethyst59]

I do sympathise with you both. Not being able to sleep is the pits. I got in a terrible state before Christmas. If I get a good night’s sleep I can deal with anything. Weeks and weeks of deprived sleep...and I am useless. Amy, I hope you soon improve, you must have forgotten what it feels like to be healthy. Sam, you are doing a sterling job...your mum is lucky to have you.

 

[Slugsta]

Thanks for the advice re the DWP payments Sam!

I remember AnnMac having to spend hours (if not days) sorting out the GP/pharmacy/prescription/meds every time there was a change in medication. And MIL had a lot of changes at one stage! It really shouldn't be up to the carer to sort out the professionals

Ann I share Amy's concern about you trying to use yourself to break your mum's (potential) fall. The idea of you both in a tangled heap at the bottom of the stairs is deeply worrying . . .

Amy, I am glad you are feeling a little better and hope the improvement continues apace.

(((hugs))) all round!

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Amy in the US

I fir e myself to stand a few feet from Mum when she’s getting up & instruct, use the arms of the chairs, head up, breath, now the zimmer. She’s doing a few get up & sit down practices, just to get her doing it right. If she’s been sitting a while, or in bed she really wobbles. With just me, I get her to sit up & I sit with her & give her a hug, to make her wait, then get her to stand. The carers have a finite time, so it’s more rushed :-(.

I know the stairs is probably silly. I know we will both be hurt, but I just can’t bring myself to let her go without me there. I’m watching her feet for any slips. I count her down. I have a decent grip & move one hand at a time. I’m also close to her so her momentum wouId be less. I’m also crossing my fingers that I can hold on. It’s ok, I don’t think you are being critical, I’d orobably be the same to you if the roles were reversed.

I have a wheelchair ready in the garage. Getting her in it will be a different story, but when she’s up for the outside works, I’m thinking of going to the seafront. She can use the wheelchair like a zimmer, then sit in it when tired. I can see pooch jumping on the seat thinking he can take his walk that way lol

I’m hoping (!!) the new meds will be here Thursday, I’ve cut up the pills for this week. You might hear the scream if it’s not sorted, please look out ear plugs in case

Carer turned up about 20.10, I clipped on the lead & legged it out the door with pooch. At least it’s not raining, I’d hate to spoil his pamper look! This one was in no rush (no wonder she was so late), it was nice not to be rushed, but it meant we didn’t eat till after 21.00! Thankfully I’d bought some instant food so we had that.

Rubbish TV is next, before my beautiful bed calls again. I’m going to try not to fall asleep in the lounge. Waking at 02.30 & staggering up the stairs is not good lol

Let’s hope we all get some sleep tonight

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Amethyst59

Yup. If I get sleep I can change the world. If I get no sleep I can barely turn on a light. My eldest went shopping with me yesterday. I had a list. I keep reading it. He still had to remind me three times to go get my meds. Twice to get the dog food. Twice to get loo rolls. I was looking at the list “reading” it, but unable to understand it. It was just lack of sleep.

I’m just trying to get one foot in front of the other right now. Mine & Mum lol. She knows I’m doing it to get her on her feet. Not sure she feels lucky when I tell her to get her own tea, but she has to try, so I make her do it.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Slugsta

The DWP May have changed, but it’s worth a shot. It’s the same with most overpayments, if anyone is threatening legal action, you can show you are paying & courts tend to throw them out, so no point in them pushing as they lose

I must admit, as I was surrounding myself with boxes & stressing about which pills go in AM or PM, I did think of @Ann Mac doing the same. It sort of got me through it.

I don’t want to be in a tangled heap at the bottom of the stairs either, it’s a 14 stair flight, so it couid be messy. I just can’t seem to force myself to let her do it alone

Hugs are always welcome, thank you