Broken Hip at 85 - not sure what to do next

[referee50]

Hi everyone,
I hope that someone may have shared the experience I am currently going through with my Dad. He has mild/moderate Altzeimers and has been cared for by my Mum up until now, although she has been struggling of late as she is 82 with her own health issues. We have some support in place but Dad has always refused point blank to go to a Day Centre/Respite. He spends his days either sitting in his chair or rummaging through his possesions. He gets very unsettled when anyone new comes into the home,doesn't like the TV, music etc... 3 weeks ago he fell and broke his hip. After 2 weeks in Hospital he was moved to a Rehab ward, but they are now telling me they are struggling with him as he is not suitable for "Social Rehab" as he cannot do any of the things they would usually cover anyway. He is agitated and constantly asks where he is, what he's done, he has no recollection of his fall/operation etc and therefore his limitations in respect of his mobility. They are concerned about his safety but they are talking about sending him home with a possible Day Centre package and Respite once or twice a year, but he will also need help washing/dressing, which will mean a raft of Support Workers coming in every day, plus he cannot be left on his own anymore, so that will also mean a sitting service for when Mum has to go out. As she was at breaking point before he did this, I cannot see how she would cope with him and managing all his care services as well. Sadly myself and my Sister live 100's of miles away so are only able to offer support at weekends, and not every one. Much is said of people being better off in their own homes, but with a lack of local support from us and my Mothers condition I cannot see any alternative than Residential Care....has anyone else faced this problem - if so any feedback would be most welcome

 

[Butter]

Welcome referee50. I am sorry to learn about your parents.

Everything you describe is a normal problem here, I'm afraid.

As you are saying, you have to consider your mother's health and well-being along with your father's. And it sounds as if residential care may be the best way forward.

You may find you mother's health will actually improve - along with your dad's - if he is settled into a good home and she is able to visit regularly. There is no doubt that regular visits can make all the diference to everybody and life can develop a new normality.

But there are many others on this website with this experience and they should be able to advise you more.

I hope you find this site as amazingly helpful as I have done - I wish you all well - good luck -and keep posting.

 

[steffie60]

A difficult dilemma for you. I hope you are your sister are able to pull together and help your Mum. I say this because my sisters are not all that helpful. Mum now lives with me and considers herself to be anti social. I think it is years of training having been on her own and wanting to stay independent. Fortunately she and I get on well so she allows me to intervene in absolutely everything when and where necessary (I say this because she has a stoma).

At 82 your Mum may not want to go into a residential care home but if she did could they go in as a couple. Some homes in our area offer double rooms for couples including a sitting room. Of course these are a little more pricey than if your Mum were able to stay at home.

Try not to worry about your Dad with his particular ways, although they are irritating to us it keeps the sufferer content. Again, my Mum likes to fold paper, paper tissues are separated and then folded, I find them everywhere, toilet paper is also a bit of a fettish but she does not recognise it as toilet paper as in her younger days (her current memory) toilet paper was more like tissue or tracing paper!

Would you consider moving Mum and Dad closer to you or your sister. I know well how draining it is to be travelling every fourth weekend to re stock a fridge and clean a house. Mum used to live over 250 miles from me. A great relief when I no longer had to drive that journey.

I do hope you are able to resolve your issues, and when you think you have sorted something no doubt there will be something else that surprises you but you will always find plenty of help and support here. I know I have. Best wishes to you and your family.

 

[referee50]

Thanks both. With regards to thier location, I spent most of 2012 working on my local Council to house them here, and even managed to get them a lovely sheltered housing bungalow. However, when it came down to it they wouldn't go! Now Mum is saying she has to stay in their bungalow otherwise it will be sold to pay for Dad's care (I have tried to assure her this is not the case)! We have a meeting with the Hospital next Wednesday and I have just spoke to Mum who told me whilst she was visiting today she was getting something out of his locker. When she shut the door and looked up Dad had dissapeared, only to re-appear shortly after with his OT giving him a good telling off as he hadn't got his Zimmer....I can't wait to see if they try to convince us he would be "safe" at home next week!