Breaking Point reached today

[sdmhred]

I so can relate to this. Two weeks ago I rang SS in desperation as I wasn't coping and trying to get respite to give myself a 'breather' Sadly I do not have POA for Health & Welfare (Finance yes) which is the major problem. In the course of my conversation I mentioned sitting in the greenhouse, looking at my wrist & then the glass. I said I know it sounds melodramatic but she went into overdrive and said she had to report what I'd said to my GP.
I was given an appointment with a doctor the next day and explained how low I was feeling. He did at least listen. I asked what would happen if I just walked out and he was a bit gobsmacked by that . Didn't have an answer.
He referred me to the social proscribing team who rang talked things through and asked if I'd had an assessment, which is still in a backlog. Gina said if they hadnt contacted me within a week she would chase them up. Stupidly when she rang I said give them another week.
Thursday night I was trying to put his inco pants on and he kept moving about so I told him to keep still as it wasn't doing my back any good (I have arthritis is the spine and other areas) He said I've got a bad back and stupidly I said it isnt all about you and he called me selfish. Coming from someone has who has always be selfish and self centred, I lost it. I shouted b*****d at the top of my voice, he shouted back and I raised my fist to him. I really, really wanted to hit him. I was so upset and wound up I spent the night in the spare bedroom, I couldn't bear to be in the same room as him. Last night wasnt much better. I'm not sleeping, all I want to do is cry. Mostly I hate the person I'm living with, haven't loved him for many years. He's 91. I'm not so heartless as to want him dead, but I dont want to be around him anymore. 95% of the time he doesnt know who I am

Oh @Pickalily
Im so sorry to read your post 😢 I’m glad you astounded the GP by asking that question. And I’m afraid it shows how much the GP is aware by on,y offering social prescribing. How are you as a carer going to get out to stuff for your welfare??? But you really sound at breaking point. Unfortunately often the only way of getting help is to say that you are walking out. I would recommend phoning SS saying you have booked a break from xxxxx date for your own mental health and telling them your husband will neEd looking after during this period. maybe you do have a friend you could stay wih???.It sounds harsh but if you break down there is no one to care at all

 

[Joyful]

My OH has frontotemporal dementia and is at obsessive stage with lots of singing and tapping/banging no process skills now and communication memory and mobility issues. I've been struggling really for a few weeks now as he's also incontinent at night and even with pants Kylie sheets etc it's a big clean up each morning. I'm ending up getting up in night several times too as he struggles to get out of bed so I'm really tired. Today he started shouting at me and physcally pushed me away as I was trying to get him to put his shoes on for us to go out to the shops ( he shouts a lot when I'm trying to help him). I'd had to strip and wash his bed, shower him and do everything else and I just snapped and slapped him. We've been together 50 years and it's the first time I've ever done anything like that, to him, or anyone. I was shocked but realise I'm not coping. Not sure where this leaves us, I'm scared it will happen again. Anyone else had same experience it's a hard one to admit even on this forum.

Sadly this is his frustration and your patience at a point where you really know you can’t cope on your own anymore. My husband was always a gentle man,together 54years but became violent and I unfortunately did hit him once and that’s when I realised I couldn’t cope. I didn’t want to but my children were worried he would do something bad so he went into a home locally for respite. Unfortunately he did not settle there but he is now in a very caring home and quite happy in his own way. You have to look after yourself now and find him a place where he will be cared for and you can visit and enjoy that time with him as I do. Take care xx

 

[AndieJJ]

My OH has frontotemporal dementia and is at obsessive stage with lots of singing and tapping/banging no process skills now and communication memory and mobility issues. I've been struggling really for a few weeks now as he's also incontinent at night and even with pants Kylie sheets etc it's a big clean up each morning. I'm ending up getting up in night several times too as he struggles to get out of bed so I'm really tired. Today he started shouting at me and physcally pushed me away as I was trying to get him to put his shoes on for us to go out to the shops ( he shouts a lot when I'm trying to help him). I'd had to strip and wash his bed, shower him and do everything else and I just snapped and slapped him. We've been together 50 years and it's the first time I've ever done anything like that, to him, or anyone. I was shocked but realise I'm not coping. Not sure where this leaves us, I'm scared it will happen again. Anyone else had same experience it's a hard one to admit even on this forum.