1. theunknown

    theunknown Registered User

    Apr 17, 2015
    385
    Just wanted to say thanks to all those who post on here because the website's offered so much information/advice over the last five years. My mum's funeral is on 17th December (she died on the 24th in her care home, from pneumonia). For me it's been about searching out practical advice, plus the realisation that so many others are going through similar situations, so you really 'aren't alone in this'. I've dealt with what's been happening with my mum, from when she was first sectioned, with the practical help of my husband. Without that there'd have been no help at all, even though I have a twin sister. I became deputy, with all that entails, and had all the admin/funeral arrangements to deal with, and after Christmas I'll have to deal with my executor duties.

    My personal advice to others who are looking for handholding on here, is set up your own thread to talk about it. I didn't because it's not something I do, but I'm sure (hope) that I'd have got plenty of supportive messages if I had. As it is, over the last couple of weeks I've mentioned my mum's death on other people's threads and (obviously, because it wasn't about me or her) never had any acknowledgement of it. Just one reply that shows it's been acknowledged would make a difference.

    So I reiterate, if you need your own personal acknowledgment of what you're going through (which, I'm sure, we all do) make sure you put it out there. There are loads of brilliant people on here who will let you know they understand what you're going through and you're in their thoughts. Take advantage of that. This website is a great resource.
     
  2. Splashing About

    Splashing About Registered User

    Oct 20, 2019
    358
    So sorry that it wasn’t acknowledged. I am absolutely sure no one on here would have meant to do that.

    You sound like you are managing so much. I’m so sorry for your loss and hope you manage to navigate this new stage of dementia bereavement in a healthy way for you
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,156
    Female
    South coast
    Im sorry, I didnt see anywhere that your Mum had died
    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
    Look after yourself
     
  4. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Volunteer Host

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,666
    Nottinghamshire
    I'm so sorry I didn't notice your post about your mum's death. Please accept my sincere condolences. I hope you're coping ok. Look after yourself x
     
  5. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    581
    Female
    South East
    I am sorry too @theunknown , please accept my condolences on the loss of your Mum, I hope her funeral goes as well as is possible. Sounds like you will be kept busy with your executive duties. Please post about it. Take care .
     
  6. Topsy Tiger

    Topsy Tiger Registered User

    Nov 12, 2019
    26
    I agree with everything you have said and I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mother. I do hope everything goes as well as can be expected in the circumstances on Tuesday and wish you well for the future.
     
  7. Moggymad

    Moggymad Registered User

    May 12, 2017
    454
    Female
    So sorry @unknown. I also lost my mum in Nov but chose to only mention it in comments like you. I have to say I completely missed your sad news & would have picked up on it had I read it. I hope you are ok. However strong you are it is still comforting to have your loss acknowledged. Please accept my condolences.
     
  8. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    6,246
    Male
    Bristol
    Please accept my condolences @theunknown. Sorry I never saw your announcement either.
     
  9. Hair Twiddler

    Hair Twiddler Registered User

    Aug 14, 2012
    892
    Middle England
    Sorry to read your mum has passed away @theunknown.
    Coincidentally, my mum also passed away in late November 2 years ago and we held her funeral just a few days before Christmas too.
    I agree with your observation that there are a lot of brilliant people out there on TP who give good, carefully considered advice and do understand many of those complex feelings and emotions we are going through.
    Take care - Twiddler
     
  10. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    581
    Female
    South East
    Sorry to hear about your mum too @Moggymad .
     
  11. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    663
    Bedford
    Condolences on the loss of your mother and I hope the funeral goes as well as these events can do. I am glad you have had some support from your husband. Take care
     
  12. Moggymad

    Moggymad Registered User

    May 12, 2017
    454
    Female
  13. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,711
    south-east London
    I am sorry that I also missed when you announced your sad news @unknown. Please accept my sincere condolences.

    I am glad that you have found the forum a great source of information and support down the years - that was my own experience too. I learnt so much more here than I did through contact with the professionals, though I am sure they did their best too.

    Wishing you and your loved ones strength at this difficult time.
     
  14. Cazzita

    Cazzita Registered User

    May 12, 2018
    533
    Sincere condolences, I didn't see it either. Wishing you well in the next steps, big hugs xxx
     
  15. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,169
    Kent
    Hello @theunknown

    Please accept my condolences on the loss of your mother.

    I hope the replies you have had on what is now your own Thread have in some way compensated for the lack of responses to your previous posts.

    It is always better to start own Threads. In this way posts don't get lost in the middle of other Threads.
     
  16. millalm

    millalm Registered User

    Oct 9, 2019
    53
    @theunknown I often sit and cry for the souls who post here as we are all on the same hellish train. I don't often post back, particularly when their loved one passes because I am fairly new to the forum and it feels strange to post condolences to people I've just 'met'. Just reading other's stories somehow makes me feel that I am not alone on this journey. I'm sorry there were no online acknowledgements of your Mum's passing but please don't think it means there was no sympathy for your loss. If I had seen your posts I would have cried for you and your Mum too.
     
  17. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    134
    I’m so sorry you’ve lost your Mum,
    Please don’t stop posting, your advice is so valuable to all of us on here. Sending condolences and ((((((((((hugs))))))))))xxx
     
  18. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,515
    Yorkshire
    I am sorry that I overlooked your announcement, @theunknown.

    May your mother rest in peace. Very best wishes for the funeral going as well as possible,and I hope you find peace and solace in the journey ahead.

    My mother died of pneumonia two years ago yesterday, and I still find the sudden memories so sharp. I have found this forum a very helpful and friendly place both before and afterwards.

    Wishing you health and the regaining of happiness, even though it may take time.
     
  19. Andrew_McP

    Andrew_McP Registered User

    Mar 2, 2016
    240
    Male
    South Northwest
    I generally don't comment on messages relating to the deaths of pwd because I'm fairly hardcore in my belief that it's a day to be celebrated as a blessed release. But obviously it's an important final milestone after years of struggle for all involved, and it can throw an emotional hand grenade into the heart of even those who think they've already done all their mourning.

    I'm sure, despite my pragmatism, I will crack into a million pieces when my mother's journey's over. Once our loved ones are gone, there will definitely be no more shafts of sunlight piercing through the dementia gloom, reminding us that there's still someone we used to know in there somewhere. That final farewell might be even harder than I can ever guess.

    So I'm sorry you felt ignored, and I'm sorry to you and anyone else with a recent, or imminent or even powerfully remembered, bereavement. Part of me still thinks that such triteness is of little value, but another part of me knows that sometimes we all need a little human contact and acknowledgement, especially from folk who understand. I said myself in a recent post that perhaps society is what happens when we reach out to random stranger.

    So here I am. Sorry for your loss; happy for your relative's release; reaching out in our quiet little corner of virtual society and trying to make a dent in the wall of isolation we can all face at dark times.

    [Maybe we should have a 'Final Farewell' thread? Or maybe that's trying to lump everyone's sorrow together when we're all different. Dunno... I'm out of my depth now and starting to feel awkward. Time to shut up.]
     
  20. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    260
    So sorry that your mum's death was missed, there is so much to read on TP that it's impossible to keep up with it all, the TP family is generally very kind. I hope you have help and support at this sad time and that you can share happy memories of your mum xx
     

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