My mum has been in a care home for 4 months, she now has no control over her bowels. This has led to her becoming anxious and distressed, she is constantly walking the hallways and going to her room to ' check herself'. This is a miserable existence and she is saying that she wants to die. The situation is made worse as she is unable to verbally communicate fully and she is hiding all 'evidence' including underwear. The care home manager says that mum is also uncooperative with the staff and now is time to move her to a nursing home. I wonder if anyone knows that this is normal practice.
bowel incontinency and care homes
- Thread starter Lellyhelly
- Start date
Not all care homes are the same. Some (like the one my mum was in) will accept more challenging behaviour, others only want the easy, early stages of dementia and when it reaches a certain point they will give notice. It certainly sounds like your mums care home cannot cope with her incontinence. I dont know that she actually needs a nursing home - I would try an EMI/dedicated dementia home first. When you go and look at them ask how they would deal with your mums behaviour and be very upfront about what she is like. Woolly answers probably mean that they have no experience (although they really aught to as double incontinence is a almost a given as dementia progresses). Also ask them what sort of behaviour they would not be able to cope with as the answer will tell you whether another move might be needed if she went there
This is both sad, and shocking to me.
I truly assumed that double incontinency was almost a 'given' both in residential homes and CH's accepting those with dementia.
I really feel for you @Lellyhelly as my Mum was also affected hugely by urinary and then bowel incontinence. She hid evidence, blamed all and sundry, and up until fairly recently would remove pads and attempt to 'wash them out' in her bathroom. She was disgusted with herself and said she was dirty and her whole demeanour and behaviour was affected. It made her really upset and despondent.
Her CH (which is mixed residential and dementia) has coped wonderfully with all of this. Their quiet and matter of fact attitude has helped Mum. They have accepted the many, many accidents and are going so far as to replace Mum's carpet with non slip laminate as her incontinence 'accidents' and food calamities are frequent and this will be a better, more pleasant and more hygienic alternative. Wiping her hands on walls, clothes, furnishings etc has just been dealt with. When I have apologised, the answer has always been 'That's our job and what we are here for'.
As @canary states - not all CH's are the same.
It's a sad fact, but as my Mum has deteriorated, so her awareness of her incontinence has decreased significantly. I hope that you can achieve a solution so that your Mum is not so distressed.
I truly assumed that double incontinency was almost a 'given' both in residential homes and CH's accepting those with dementia.
I really feel for you @Lellyhelly as my Mum was also affected hugely by urinary and then bowel incontinence. She hid evidence, blamed all and sundry, and up until fairly recently would remove pads and attempt to 'wash them out' in her bathroom. She was disgusted with herself and said she was dirty and her whole demeanour and behaviour was affected. It made her really upset and despondent.
Her CH (which is mixed residential and dementia) has coped wonderfully with all of this. Their quiet and matter of fact attitude has helped Mum. They have accepted the many, many accidents and are going so far as to replace Mum's carpet with non slip laminate as her incontinence 'accidents' and food calamities are frequent and this will be a better, more pleasant and more hygienic alternative. Wiping her hands on walls, clothes, furnishings etc has just been dealt with. When I have apologised, the answer has always been 'That's our job and what we are here for'.
As @canary states - not all CH's are the same.
It's a sad fact, but as my Mum has deteriorated, so her awareness of her incontinence has decreased significantly. I hope that you can achieve a solution so that your Mum is not so distressed.
As the others have said your mother doesn't need nursing care for this, and a dementia care home should be able to deal with it - it is sad that your mother's CH isn't able/willing to do so. You should be able to find another dementia care home who will see this just as part and parcel of what they do. My mother's dementia care home deals with this and expects their residents to stay with them right to end of life.
