1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. veronicamary

    veronicamary Registered User

    Aug 21, 2013
    14
    yesterday I was 82 and I have a husband , who is 94 with Alzheimer's. I received twenty five cards from my friends and children, who are all incredibly supportive, but no acknowledgment whatever from my husband. He had been watching all the mail come in, but still didn't catch on. It was so hurtful and had I not been recovering from a stroke myself I would probably not have taken it so hard.

    May I make a plea to all who might be concerned;if the carer has a birthday, please see that there is a card or little gift from the person whom they love. It will make all the difference
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,719
    Female
    London
    Yeah I know the feeling. I can sing happy birthday to myself and he will still not catch on. But I have kept some of his cards from previous years, be it birthday, Valentine's or Christmas and I simply display them each year. Just the other day I rediscovered a beautiful poem he wrote me one Valentines's Day. I will display this on the 14th and know deep down he loves me.

    Try not to take it too much to heart - it's not deliberate thoughtlessness but the dementia that creates havoc in his brain.
     
  3. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    so sad for everyone, but belated happy birthday
     
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,598
    Female
    Dundee
    Just echoing what others have said.

    I always buy a card for Bill to give me. He can barely write his name in it now. I suppose it's a bit pointless but it makes me happy. One time I was trying to get him to write something in a Valentine card while the rugby was on tele. When I looked at the card he had written Scotland 10 England 36 - or some such score. He had copied it off the screen. I was really upset but now I can see the funny side. :D

    I have letters he wrote to me when we first met. I cherish these but can't really read them now. I will some day.
     
  5. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    I am sorry you are upset by this but thankfully your friends and children remembered.

    Like Izzy I used to remind my husband that my birthday was due. Then ask him if he would like me to get a card - answer always yes with a little distress that he was unable to do it himself. BUT it made him happy when I showed him the card he had given me, not that he did.

    I also cherished the earlier letters and cards.
     
  6. peachstone

    peachstone Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    56
    West Oxfordshire
    My first comment here, so hello everyone and thank you for this forum.

    A belated Happy Birthday, veronicamary, I'm sorry it was sad for you. This disease is utterly wretched.

    I'm glad you mentioned about carer's birthdays - my MiL is caring for my FiL who has Alzheimer's and her birthday is coming up, so it's a good motivation to make sure that her husband is given something to give her, even though he isn't able to get it himself.
     
  7. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    Wow 25 cards - that's brilliant, i'm lucky if I get 4. Happy birthday - I think you should buy yourself a little treat from him next year because that is what he would have done if those cells were still working properly....something you would really enjoy or something special to share and cheer you both up xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  8. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,224
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP :)
     
  9. peachstone

    peachstone Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    56
    West Oxfordshire
    Thank you!
     
  10. Hair Twiddler

    Hair Twiddler Registered User

    Aug 14, 2012
    882
    Middle England
    A Very Happy UN-Birthday day !!!!!

    Happy Un-birthday Veronicamary!!!

    Special today - special yesterday.

    x
     
  11. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I've kept all family cards ( from John and I and the children and grandchildren) since we met in 1966. Although a few got lost along the way, I have most of them. After he died, I sorted all those he sent me into separate folders: Birthday (needed 2 folders for those), Wedding Anniversary, Christmas and Miscellaneous, like Valentines Day, Good Luck, Get Well Soon, and I'm so glad I did that.

    I look through them in the appropriate week, and I can laugh at some and cry at others. He wrote me a poem called "Time" for my birthday, when we were engaged, and on the front of this lovely padded card, it said "To My Sweetheart On Her Birthday" - I don't think they had "Fiancee" on cards then. One of the couplets read:

    I will fight and fight, like a man possessed, to keep this maiden with whom I've been blessed. That was the man who adored me. :)

    When my grand-daughters saw this poem (it's about 20 verses long), they said "Grandma, could people only buy padded satin cards in The Olden Days"!!!!!

    Some of the cards from about 30 years ago have verses such as :

    All other women you surpass, and how I love your gorgeous a*** !!

    Another one was:

    Scarlett, my darling, I love you to bits and blimey, you've got a great pair of ****!

    True, not Shakespeare but they mean the world to me. :) It's wonderful to see the people our spouses were, in pre Alzheimer days. How lovely to display your cards now. :) xxx
     
  12. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    An ode for veronica mary

    AN ODE FOR VERONICA MARY

    Veronica Mary, I wanted to say
    That I'm sorry that something was missing that day

    A card from your hubby alas, wasn't sent
    But forgetting his sweetheart, could never be meant

    I know the sad feeling, it's wounding and rotten
    To think that your birthday's been sadly forgotten

    And somebody should have pre-empted this error
    And sent on behalf, a card from your feller

    It's another reminder of this dreadful disease
    When our loved ones forget the one thing that would please

    And for decades I'm sure that your hubby adored you
    And never would want you to think he ignored you

    So please read this through, and perhaps have a laugh
    Cos it's sent for his bride, on your hubby's behalf

    I wish you the best, and it's not just from me
    But from all of your friends who are here on TP! :D

    *************************************************
     
  13. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Veronicamary, I can't compete with Scarlett's ode but belated Happy Birthday from me too. My daughter kindly sorted out a card from my husband for my birthday but I think the idea of putting out one sent pre-D is a lovely idea if you have kept any, and would have much more meaning. xxxxxxx


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  14. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    5,990
    Cotswolds
    Aaaaw! That's lovely!
     
  15. veronicamary

    veronicamary Registered User

    Aug 21, 2013
    14
    Thank you all.

    I had a little weep and felt ashamed of myself when I read all the lovely replies. Thank you all so much. I was just down waiting for results of all the tests I have been having just lately and that was just the straw that broke me..
    I have kept all the cards my dearest sent me and will get them out and look through to remind me of our 56 happy years together. No wretched condition will rob us of those ever.Bless you all and sorry to be such a wimp.
     
  16. peachstone

    peachstone Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    56
    West Oxfordshire
    Not wimpy at all, veronicamary, not one bit. It seems perfectly natural to be upset at your birthday being forgotten by the person you've spent your life with.

    I saw the same unhappy thing happen this Christmas when we visited the in-laws. My MiL had arranged for there to be gifts from him for all his family (they're both on their second marriage) but his family hadn't arranged any gifts for her, not even a card. Unfortunately, we hadn't thought to check and it was awful that she didn't even have a card from him. It's something we won't let happen again.
     
  17. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    520
    Scotland
    Veronicamary - belated birthday wishes from me.

    You have had some some lovely replies and I hope that has helped. It's wonderful that you received so many cards from family and friends.

    I had one birthday card last birthday - our daughter sent it (son didn't bother) but I have had a look and found a lovely birthday card hubby gave me years ago and also a Mother's Day card from hubby - they are in a safe place ready to be brought out at the appropriate time.

    Lilac xx
     
  18. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Emotional? Yes. Human? Yes. A wimp? Never!!!! I'm glad you did the same as me and kept all your cards from your hubby, because this has brought me so much comfort, looking through them, and remembering the good times.

    I hope you liked some of my hubby's poems, when he was fit and well,;) and saucy, and you now have your special Ode from all of us on TP - I'm the "Ode-er" on here. :)
     
  19. peachstone

    peachstone Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    56
    West Oxfordshire
    And a very fine 'Ode-er' you are too, Scarlet123. I really enjoyed reading it and thought it was such a thoughtful thing to do.
     
  20. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Why thank you, she says, modestly lowering her eyes. ;) I know the feelings that VeronicaMary described, only too well, and an Ode is a wee bit more personal than a cyber hug. :) And I enjoy Ode-ing! xxx
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.