BIL gone into nursing home now!

[juniepoonie]

just needed to get some of your opinions on our situation really. pete went into NH on Monday after being in assessment unit for 3months. after a search we finally settled on NH and pete seems to have settled quite well were expecting some ups an down but ater not sleeping in his bed for the last 3months since being in NH has sleeped on or in bed so alls good so far. what I need help with is how can I help an support my sister. she has lung an bone cancer so as you can imagine pete isn't her only problem. she is doubting herself that she has picked the wrong home for pete she is finding everything very upsetting. she has just said its final but not final because petes still living with this bloody awfull desease. I just would like to know how you have dealt with youyr feelings or how you would have liked others to help you when your partners went into home. pete talks what I call gobbledygook but I can talk that to so we can talk for ages its all about work an what hes going to do or how he is gonna re do the garden in the home. he asks me if my sister has another man but im sure that's all normal . I would say he is very advanced and consultant said a well person couldn't cope never mind someone in my sisters condition so its out of the question to imagine he could live at home . so there it is. any help appreciated juniepoonie

 

[TinaT]

I know when my husband first went onto an assessment ward and then into a care home, I could not have managed without the support of my sister in law at the other end of the phone. She listened and reassured me that it was the best place for my husband and I would suggest that you listen and reassure as much as you can that she had no other options and that the right thing has been done for her husbands benefit.

I'm so sorry that you as a dear, kind sister can do no more than support her through this horrific time. How she is coping with her own very serious health problems is a miracle on top of having her poor husband in a care home. The fact that you are there through thick and thin will be the most important thing you can do.

xxTinaT

 

[juniepoonie]

tina thank you so much for your response im always there for my sister an have supported her all the way as your SIL did for you, its such a lonely place that you all find yourselfs in as partners of dementia sufferers. I just wish there was more I could do for my sister that's why peoples comments if you have been in that lonely place are so valuable. I hope yoy find yourself in a better place now tina an pray that my sisters torture will get easier soon. thanks tina, juniepoonie

 

[Mamsgirl]

Heavens! What a lot to bear.

I don't know if this translates well to your circumstances, but when my Mum wasn't up to visiting my stepfather in the nursing home it was a great comfort to know I'd be there doing the caring she couldn't.

If you're in a position to follow through, do you think your sister would feel supported knowing the ball isn't going to be dropped in terms of BIL's care while she concentrates all her energies on her own health battles?

I can't imagine a crueler burden than your poor sister carries, and you're a wonderful, wonderful sister to care as you do.

Take care,
Toni x

 

[juniepoonie]

thanks toni your reply is really appreciated. at the moment my sisters health is on the back burner. shes still well enough to visit each day for about 2hours. infact pete is all she cares about. I suppose petes future without her does lay heavy on her mind but my husband has POA over his health an welfare so she knows we will have his best interests at heart. she just cant deal with him being in NH when he was in assessment unit it was open ended this is final. hope your situation is ok at this moment. an what a great forum this is that you half way round the world can give me a bit of advice. im forever grateful Toni thankyou. juniepoonie x