Behaviour in hospital

[DaisyFrench]

Hi, I dip in and out of the forum but I’m finding Mum’s behaviour really difficult to deal with. She was admitted to hospital 10 weeks ago after a fall in her flat. She’s since had various infections including UTI, double pneumonia and Covid. She’s getting to a stage where she would be deemed medically fit but her dementia is so much worse than prior to hospital admission. She is now doubly incontinent, has moisture lesions due to this. She is also immobile and is nowhere near as communicative as she was before.

I realise that she’s presenting as late stage dementia. We’re in hospital every day to help her eat her tea. I’ve come in today and every time she opens her bowels she is putting her hands into her pad and scooping up the excrement and throwing it across the room. This has really shocked me today although I know behaviour can be bizarre with dementia. I just need to vent. I can cope with seeing my once very ‘proper’ Mum being so undignified.

 

[Kevinl]

Thank you for posting, made me cry. Thank you. K

 

[Sarasa]

That sounds so tough @DaisyFrench. Have you had a best interests meeting yet about what happens when your mother is medically fit? It sounds like the time has come for a move into care. Is it worth starting to chase people up such as the hospital social worker?

 

[DaisyFrench]

Thanks Sarasa. Here lies the challenge. My sister and I have POA and believe that, given how she now is, a nursing home would be best for her. My brother however does not agree (he doesn’t have POA) and has asked for her to first go to a community bedded unit for rehabilitation therapies. We don’t believe this will do anything but distress her further. My brother, however, is a very dominant personality with some experience in adult social care management. We don’t want a family rift so we are going along with it but we aren’t happy about it. My only hope is that once in a CBU they’ll assess her to not be responding to rehab and recommend nursing care. I’m currently on antidepressants and having psychotherapy….

 

[Genie4U]

Hi, I dip in and out of the forum but I’m finding Mum’s behaviour really difficult to deal with. She was admitted to hospital 10 weeks ago after a fall in her flat. She’s since had various infections including UTI, double pneumonia and Covid. She’s getting to a stage where she would be deemed medically fit but her dementia is so much worse than prior to hospital admission. She is now doubly incontinent, has moisture lesions due to this. She is also immobile and is nowhere near as communicative as she was before.

I realise that she’s presenting as late stage dementia. We’re in hospital every day to help her eat her tea. I’ve come in today and every time she opens her bowels she is putting her hands into her pad and scooping up the excrement and throwing it across the room. This has really shocked me today although I know behaviour can be bizarre with dementia. I just need to vent. I can cope with seeing my once very ‘proper’ Mum being so undignified.

I’m so very sorry to hear that. You are doing a very important job for your mom.

 

[backin]

I guess if you don't try what your brother recommends then you may constantly have a what-if as her dementia continues to progress.
If it's any consolation, she may not notice the changes too much.

 

[maisiecat]

Hi @DaisyFrench , my husband was in hospital fro 3 months last year. During his time he also did the throwing poo everywhere ,was doubly incontinent ,was extremely aggressive. He fell continually and the staff made their hatred of him obvious.
Fast forward 9 months and he is in a Dementia home. He has managed to regain his continence, he toilets himself appropriately, there are few aggressive outbursts and he participates in activities.
I think hospital is catastrophic for PWD and great improvment can be achieved in a Nursing Home. If you try the rehabilitation unit they will quickly decide whether they can improve her. Probably this will be a no as they follow a medical model of care. Nursing homes aim to replicate a "home" feel which seems much more beneficial.
Good luck

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @DaisyFrench , when we were at a similar stage with my mum my brother thought a move to assisted living was the way to go. I think my brother was in denial that my mum's needs were becoming too great for anything other than a care home. Maybe your brother is the same. I went along with my brother's plans even though I didn't think they'd work as at least it was a step in the right direction. In the end due to various reasons it never happened and I moved mum to a care home near me instead.
I think push for a best interests meeting where you'll all have a chance to have your say and see what happens at that.

 

[SherwoodSue]

It seems that all power seems to be assumed by your brother and those around him, but do also consider this. Rehab beds are in short supply and they are allocated to those patients most likely to benefit from such a bed and be able to make progress. For both of our elderly parents at various times we have enquired and been told no.

 

[DaisyFrench]

Hi @DaisyFrench , my husband was in hospital fro 3 months last year. During his time he also did the throwing poo everywhere ,was doubly incontinent ,was extremely aggressive. He fell continually and the staff made their hatred of him obvious.
Fast forward 9 months and he is in a Dementia home. He has managed to regain his continence, he toilets himself appropriately, there are few aggressive outbursts and he participates in activities.
I think hospital is catastrophic for PWD and great improvment can be achieved in a Nursing Home. If you try the rehabilitation unit they will quickly decide whether they can improve her. Probably this will be a no as they follow a medical model of care. Nursing homes aim to replicate a "home" feel which seems much more beneficial.
Good luck

Hi @DaisyFrench , when we were at a similar stage with my mum my brother thought a move to assisted living was the way to go. I think my brother was in denial that my mum's needs were becoming too great for anything other than a care home. Maybe your brother is the same. I went along with my brother's plans even though I didn't think they'd work as at least it was a step in the right direction. In the end due to various reasons it never happened and I moved mum to a care home near me instead.
I think push for a best interests meeting where you'll all have a chance to have your say and see what happens at that.

Thank you. It’s good to know that we’re not the only family disagreeing on what’s best interests. That’s reassuring.

 

[DaisyFrench]

It seems that all power seems to be assumed by your brother and those around him, but do also consider this. Rehab beds are in short supply and they are allocated to those patients most likely to benefit from such a bed and be able to make progress. For both of our elderly parents at various times we have enquired and been told no.

I completely agree and I think he also realises that they will prioritise those with the potential for rehab.

 

[DaisyFrench]

Hi @DaisyFrench , my husband was in hospital fro 3 months last year. During his time he also did the throwing poo everywhere ,was doubly incontinent ,was extremely aggressive. He fell continually and the staff made their hatred of him obvious.
Fast forward 9 months and he is in a Dementia home. He has managed to regain his continence, he toilets himself appropriately, there are few aggressive outbursts and he participates in activities.
I think hospital is catastrophic for PWD and great improvment can be achieved in a Nursing Home. If you try the rehabilitation unit they will quickly decide whether they can improve her. Probably this will be a no as they follow a medical model of care. Nursing homes aim to replicate a "home" feel which seems much more beneficial.
Good luck

Thank you so much. Your response is really helpful. I agree that the rehab unit will make a decision quickly about her rehab potential. Hopefully it won’t be too distressing or disruptive for her. I agree that these long hospital stays really have a negative impact on dementia patients

 

[Jakesterblack]

Hi, I dip in and out of the forum but I’m finding Mum’s behaviour really difficult to deal with. She was admitted to hospital 10 weeks ago after a fall in her flat. She’s since had various infections including UTI, double pneumonia and Covid. She’s getting to a stage where she would be deemed medically fit but her dementia is so much worse than prior to hospital admission. She is now doubly incontinent, has moisture lesions due to this. She is also immobile and is nowhere near as communicative as she was before.

I realise that she’s presenting as late stage dementia. We’re in hospital every day to help her eat her tea. I’ve come in today and every time she opens her bowels she is putting her hands into her pad and scooping up the excrement and throwing it across the room. This has really shocked me today although I know behaviour can be bizarre with dementia. I just need to vent. I can cope with seeing my once very ‘proper’ Mum being so undignified.

Hi, It must be so distressing for you. My mum has also changed drastically. Once the woman who wouldn't go over the door without her hair done, smartly dressed and make up on and her house like a show home to a few months ago living in filth with mice and refusing to shower... it is awful and they change into a completely different person. Mum been in hospital now for 6 weeks and looks so much better, cleaner and eating well and we have now finally accepted that we can no longer give her the care she needs and she will be moving any time now to a care home. Please get help from SW. Sending you massive hugs and please know you are not alone, this forum has been invaluable to me and the support is much appreciated.