1. alamo

    alamo Registered User

    Jan 2, 2015
    16
    How do you deal with oh who is bowel incontinent and wont be cleaned or have a clean pad put on place. He argues, swears, gets aggressive, just will not cooperate. I cant let him leave the bathroom for hygiene sake and he is so sore. Please help me I am at the end of my tether it is constant complaining and threatening,
     
  2. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,654
    North West
    This must be so difficult for you alamo. You need help. You cannot be expected to deal with this alone. Do you have any help at all?
     
  3. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,160
    Ask GP for sedation, at least until the aggression is under control.

    Bod
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #4 Margarita, Aug 21, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2015
    Do you not have an incontinence nurse professional where you can talk about your husband issues with his incontinence?

    Or ring the Dementia Admiral Nurses support line
    http://www.dementiauk.org/information-support/admiral-nursing-direct/

    My mother went through a stage like your husband .
    My mother was even squatting anywhere to do a number 2.
    Mum was not taking her medication correctly for the dementia, diabetic medication.
    the side effect of not taking the medication was making mum very confused argumentative very challenging with her incontinence issue, behaviour.

    When was your husband last check up with doctor for his dementia.
    Check up at doctors could tell if he has a urine infection which could course more confusion with his dementia .
     
  5. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Alamo, I don't have the experience to advise you but you must get help for both your sakes. If you are really desperate, and it sounds as though you are, call social services and tell them you can't cope and you need emergency help they should operate a 24 hour help line. Not knowing where you are I can't look up the number you need. If your husband is really aggressive you may have to resort to calling the police.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  6. alamo

    alamo Registered User

    Jan 2, 2015
    16
    What does sedation entail, would he become a zombie
    I do not want that at this stage, he is still my husband and there is still some signs of the man I married. OK it does get very stressful but I just need a magic pill to transform back to what we had. I know it is going to get worse but I want to hang on as long as poss. Many thanks for your advice.
     
  7. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    806
    North East
    Are you getting any outside help?
    My mum was very reluctant to get carers in. She felt like she was giving up and not coping if she did. The truth was however that carers came in to wash him a few times a week at first. She was really glad of the help. My dad is not aggressive or difficult with the carers but very difficult with my mum.
    I would advise you to give outside carers a go.
    If your husband is aggressive to you general ensure you have an exit plan and get the GP to review him.
     
  8. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,160
    He just needs a little something to calm him down, whilst any soreness is healing, and he gets use to being cared for.
    This would only be a temporary situation. The GP would only prescribe the lowest dose, for the shortest time needed.

    Bod
     
  9. alamo

    alamo Registered User

    Jan 2, 2015
    16
    thankyou much appreciated.
     
  10. alamo

    alamo Registered User

    Jan 2, 2015
    16
    No I have not got outside help yet. The aggression is not all the time but obviously it will get worse I am not under any illusions, but I am loathe to begin. When I am low I am able to go to any depths and I quite hate him I am ashamed to say then he says something loving and I am back on line. Ups and downs, th emotions are numerous. I know it is not unusual but at the time you think you are the only one experiencing this. Many thanks for your advice, much appreciated.
     
  11. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,654
    North West
    The aggression may well get worse. But bear in mind there are often cases discussed on TP where people who are aggressive calm down and cause far fewer problems. So it's good to prepare for the worst but you may be pleasantly surprised before too long. Here's hoping.
     

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