My Mum cannot remember anything me or my brother tell her, I'm desperate to get her to the doctors but she said we'll have to drag her. she wont go for a check up because "there is nothing wrong". Me and my brother went to see her last night to try and persuade her to visit her GP and after going round in circles so many times I began to get dizzy. my mum is accusing me of letting myself in to her house and going through her things, bank statements and personal papers and things like that. The first time she said it I was stuck at home after major surgery on my wrist after a bad fall so I couldn't possibly have been in. we asked her last night why and when she thought I was going in and she just kept saying that I knew things that I couldn't know. Such as her sending a large amount of money to a younger man she met a couple of years ago. They stayed in touch via the phone and he has since disappeared after having the money. She doesn't remember telling me or my brother about this so she just thinks I've been snooping. Last night we went through that scenario 7 times in 2 hours starting with the same questions and answers every time and each time its like the first time its been mentioned. I now have to make an appointment because she is telling anyone who will listen about me letting myself in to her house. I have no experience in this and have no idea how to proceed. I want to support her but I'm being pushed away every time I see her or speak to her.
Banging my head against a brick wall!!!
- Thread starter mimbot76
- Start date
Hello mimbot76 and welcome to Talking Point (TP),
this is all so difficult, but I'm afraid quite normal...
Firstly I'd recommend reading the post at the link below (I read this frequently just to keep reminding myself
)
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
Next, I'd make an appointment with her GP and tell him/her your concerns...
Keep posting...
Elizabeth.
this is all so difficult, but I'm afraid quite normal...
Firstly I'd recommend reading the post at the link below (I read this frequently just to keep reminding myself
)http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
Next, I'd make an appointment with her GP and tell him/her your concerns...
Keep posting...
Elizabeth.
Thanks Elizabeth,
that made me cry. we have tried so many times to instigate an appointment with her GP but she told me if I speak to the doctor on her behalf she never speak to me again. My step-dad left my mum 3 and a half years ago and things have gradually got worse from there. we don't laugh anymore, to be brutally honest I dread the phone ringing sometimes because I never know which version of my mum i'll get. My husband isn't being supportive and after everything she's said about me he doesn't want her in the house.
I have never had any dealings with dementia of any kind, we have had no diagnosis so I don't know what we're up against. I worry about her constantly but find it difficult to talk to her. Her personality has changed so much in the past couple of years I feel like I don't know her any more. All she talks about is how tired she is because of everything she has to do in her house. she has a ridiculous amount of animals which to be fair are all well looked after but she has no time for herself to wind down. she thinks that because her house runs like clockwork there's nothing wrong, but I'm assuming that because this is a routine she has done for so many years she goes on to auto pilot when she gets up.
I am speaking to the GP on Monday if I can get through to them and will see where we go from there,
thank you again, I would appreciate any advice anyone can give thanks
that made me cry. we have tried so many times to instigate an appointment with her GP but she told me if I speak to the doctor on her behalf she never speak to me again. My step-dad left my mum 3 and a half years ago and things have gradually got worse from there. we don't laugh anymore, to be brutally honest I dread the phone ringing sometimes because I never know which version of my mum i'll get. My husband isn't being supportive and after everything she's said about me he doesn't want her in the house.
I have never had any dealings with dementia of any kind, we have had no diagnosis so I don't know what we're up against. I worry about her constantly but find it difficult to talk to her. Her personality has changed so much in the past couple of years I feel like I don't know her any more. All she talks about is how tired she is because of everything she has to do in her house. she has a ridiculous amount of animals which to be fair are all well looked after but she has no time for herself to wind down. she thinks that because her house runs like clockwork there's nothing wrong, but I'm assuming that because this is a routine she has done for so many years she goes on to auto pilot when she gets up.
I am speaking to the GP on Monday if I can get through to them and will see where we go from there,
thank you again, I would appreciate any advice anyone can give thanks
I have written to GP about a friend of mine that way it got scanned onto his notes and I hadn't spoken to the GP
I also emailed the letter but the receptionist told me letters are betterHi Mimbot76,
Just thought I'd say that I've always thought the benefits of "early diagnosis" which so many people bang on about are much exaggerated. There is no cure for AD, so getting an early diagnosis can be a mixed blessing. If the person has insight into what the diagnosis means it's quite a blow psychologically. The benefits of medication are at best variable. It may help you to see the GP in order to help you to access other relevant services and contacts locally. But I don't think you should beat yourself up about not being able to get her to the GP, and you need to be realistic about your expectations of how it will help once you do - the GP won't be able to do a lot about her issues. Local support groups will probably be more helpful in providing advice on dealing with the day to day problems.
This is just my view based on my mum's experience - some other people on TP seem to think more highly of their GPs
Just thought I'd say that I've always thought the benefits of "early diagnosis" which so many people bang on about are much exaggerated. There is no cure for AD, so getting an early diagnosis can be a mixed blessing. If the person has insight into what the diagnosis means it's quite a blow psychologically. The benefits of medication are at best variable. It may help you to see the GP in order to help you to access other relevant services and contacts locally. But I don't think you should beat yourself up about not being able to get her to the GP, and you need to be realistic about your expectations of how it will help once you do - the GP won't be able to do a lot about her issues. Local support groups will probably be more helpful in providing advice on dealing with the day to day problems.
This is just my view based on my mum's experience - some other people on TP seem to think more highly of their GPs
In some ways I agree with Annie, that an early diagnosis can cause more distress than not knowing, but forewarned is forearmed and you can learn a lot in the meanwhile before you need to put your knowledge into practical use.
If you have a spare bit of time today, put all your thoughts down on paper, with examples if you can, then when you see her GP you can hand this over. Even if the GP won't talk to you about Mum, they cannot ignore the written word. Suggest that they could invite Mum for her " annual well woman check" so they can have an assess of the situation.
I am lucky that Mum's GP was used to seeing me with Mum. I had to take her after her eyesight failed and she couldn't drive.
If you have a spare bit of time today, put all your thoughts down on paper, with examples if you can, then when you see her GP you can hand this over. Even if the GP won't talk to you about Mum, they cannot ignore the written word. Suggest that they could invite Mum for her " annual well woman check" so they can have an assess of the situation.
I am lucky that Mum's GP was used to seeing me with Mum. I had to take her after her eyesight failed and she couldn't drive.
I would make a list of bullet points and send it the GP marked In Strictest Confidence.
Eg
Mum rang 12 times in an hour with the same question
Thinks someone is entering her house.
Paranoid over forgotten phone conversations
List all the strange things clearly and then send them off. Ask that the GP invite her for an over (however old she is) health check and accompany her - tell her it's quicker than on the bus/in the wet etc. If you are in the room it's harder for her to say she doesn't want you told what is going on. The Dr will can then include you in information sharing.
Eg
Mum rang 12 times in an hour with the same question
Thinks someone is entering her house.
Paranoid over forgotten phone conversations
List all the strange things clearly and then send them off. Ask that the GP invite her for an over (however old she is) health check and accompany her - tell her it's quicker than on the bus/in the wet etc. If you are in the room it's harder for her to say she doesn't want you told what is going on. The Dr will can then include you in information sharing.
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I agree with the others about letting the GP know your concerns. Getting her into the surgery won't be easy of course but a sympathetic doctor might fabricate an excuse to get her seen, or you might have to be a bit sneaky. I told my mum there was a nasty strain of flu on its way so we'd better make sure we got our jabs. I got lucky, she didn't question it, and once we were there the GP took over and did some memory tests on her quite conversationally. A blood test followed (more flu jab lies from me) and then a referral to see a consultant at a 'memory clinic'. I got her there on some pretext too but that's where my lucky streak came to a full stop. She never accepted that there was something wrong, she wouldn't take medication and she wouldn't let carers into the house. Eventually, she was going to be sectioned but I was given a chance to get her into a care home so I fibbed to her again and did just that.
As far as the bizarre accusations, you'll never win those arguments or logic her into changing her mind. My mum accused me and my sons of doing all kinds if things we couldn't have done (and would've done) but no amount of reasoning helped. I simply stopped engaging with those conversations, even though it sometimes meant leaving as soon as I arrived.
As far as the bizarre accusations, you'll never win those arguments or logic her into changing her mind. My mum accused me and my sons of doing all kinds if things we couldn't have done (and would've done) but no amount of reasoning helped. I simply stopped engaging with those conversations, even though it sometimes meant leaving as soon as I arrived.
Thanks for all of the suggestions, I am going to ring the surgery tomorrow to get the ball rolling and see where we go from there. I'm so worried as she has so many animals if she had to go in to a home eventually it would break her heart to not be with them and I have no idea what would happen to them either as I couldn't possibly take any more in as I have a few myself.
Some days we just talk and she almost seems herself but other days like the other night it's like talking to a stranger. My grandma and her mum before her had strokes which eventually killed them so I don't even know if that's what has happened but until she see's someone we wont know. she mentioned a couple of years ago about having a "funny" turn at bedtime. She said that her head felt strange so she laid down on the bed and then woke up in the morning. Whether this was some kind of mini stroke I'm not sure. She didn't think it was anything to worry about but from that point her sense of reason has disappeared.
I will do everything I can for her but she just does nothing but push me away so I'm finding it very difficult.
Some days we just talk and she almost seems herself but other days like the other night it's like talking to a stranger. My grandma and her mum before her had strokes which eventually killed them so I don't even know if that's what has happened but until she see's someone we wont know. she mentioned a couple of years ago about having a "funny" turn at bedtime. She said that her head felt strange so she laid down on the bed and then woke up in the morning. Whether this was some kind of mini stroke I'm not sure. She didn't think it was anything to worry about but from that point her sense of reason has disappeared.
I will do everything I can for her but she just does nothing but push me away so I'm finding it very difficult.
