1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. LynnB

    LynnB Registered User

    Feb 23, 2006
    8
    Billingham
    Hi everybody

    Don't know if anyone else has come across this, but mum has been re-assessed and is classed as high dependancy, she has just moved to a new home and has settled brilliantly, (we were really worried she would find is very strange and stressfull) however we have noticed over the last few weeks that she has started to use really bad language ... not something she did previously unless she stubbed or toe or something similar.... not sure what to make of it, is this part of the process or something else? Anyone else noticed this happening and if so what can I do about it?

    Many thanks all
    LynnB :confused:
     
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    LynnB

    Yes, this does happen.

    In 40 years of being with Jan [she is a classy lady], there was just one time I ever heard her swear using really bad language, and that was towards the end of the time she lived with me at home. She knew she had done it and looked at me and said "There! that stopped you!" But that was just once.

    But in Jan's home, there was an old lady called Alice [she died a couple of years ago], and her language was really continually foul, and she was also extremely verbally abusive to the Filipino and African care assistants.

    Her daughters were distraught - apparently she had never been known to say such words or act in such a way at home.

    The staff all took it in good part, as did the other residents, and the visitors too.

    Alice was a lovely lady, and we all look back on her with great affection.

    It was the dementia talking, not Alice.

    Nowadays we have another old lady who reminds us very much of Alice, and she certainly gives everyone a mouthful, but not with really bad language.
    Most likely, nothing. But you never know, it may simply be part of her settling in and being mad about that, with swearing being her safety valve.
     
  3. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    836
    Australia
    A possibility...

    It could also be related to what part of her brain is being affected at the moment, apparently damage to the fronto-temporal area of the brain can cause a person to lose their inhibitions, start doing things that they never would have before because they were socially unacceptable, etc.

    Just a thought and quite likely wrong because its seems rather coincidental that it happened at the same time she changed environments, though you also said she had a new assessment, so perhaps something has changed mentally?

    Dad who would swear before the disease (although mild swear words compared to modern day swearing you see on tv), lost most of his mild profanities with the disease except for a long time, he held onto the word 'bloody'. But instead of just saying it, he used to say, 'bloody, bloody, bloody' all of the time. And basically as Brucie suggests it could be, he used it to express his frustration. These days he can no longer say it, but in my house, my husband and I use it now if we are talking about anything frustrating! :p
     
  4. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Yes, does seem to happen a lot. Same as the inappropriate clothing stuff and things in strange places. All part of the illness I'm afraid. It may settle down, but rest assured the staff will be used to dealing with it so dont worry. Love She. XX
     
  5. LynnB

    LynnB Registered User

    Feb 23, 2006
    8
    Billingham
    Mums swearing

    Thanks one and all, reasurring to know she is not the only one, the mention of it being a front lobal thing sounds about right, she has vascular dementia and the 3 strokes she has had have all affected the front of her brain, she did have another bigger stroke 3 months ago so perhaps this is the result.

    The staff really are brilliant about it and tell me not to worry, and I suppose I shouldn't be shocked (but I am) as my mum was very much a lady in all respects.

    Well will just have to look on the funny side of it, if you can't beat it laugh about it!
     
  6. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,983
    Toronto, Canada
    It is all part of the disease. My mother also uses a fair bit more swearing than ever she used to. At least in the past, it would have been at home or something like that.

    She has no qualms about saying in a loud voice about someone "Look at the fat ass on that girl". This coming from a woman 5'3" & now weighing nearly 200 lbs (14 stone in English terms). That I find embarrassing - when she starts going on about how a person looks. Oh well, such are the highlights.
     
  7. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    I can sympathise with that. One of my mum's favourites is 'you're a big girl, aren't you?', said to the CPN!
     
  8. Bets

    Bets Registered User

    Aug 11, 2005
    100
    South-East London, UK
    My husband doesn't have much in the way of spontaneous conversation nowadays but, when we are out, most of his output consists of comments like "Look at the size of her bum!", "Isn't she fat!", "What an ugly woman", etc. It is certainly exceptional if he makes a positive comment about something.His comments are usually directed at women, but not always. And this from a man who weighs over 15 stone and has lost two to three inches in height in recent years! Until fairly recently, the slightest upset or accident (eg.spilling or dropping something) would produce a loud outburst of strong language. As he is becoming more passive and lethargic these happen less often. Not sure if that's good or not.

    Bets
     
  9. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    I was horrified when my mother referred to the patient in the next bed as "that fat woman", within the hearing of the patient concerned, she would never have said that before. What a relief when she was moved to another ward.
     
  10. Countryboy

    Countryboy Registered User

    Mar 17, 2005
    1,399
    Male
    Cornwall
    #10 Countryboy, Mar 7, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 14, 2010
    Reply to Bad Language

    Yes I have Frontal Lobe Damage & Mild Alzheimer's
    I also have a Problem myself with swearing work colleagues are very understanding and make allowances but unfortunately not all members of the public are so forgiving for instance
    it’s a ****** loosing your friends when they don’t want to understand your problems if I had a heart attack, stroke or a lost a limb removed they would make allowances because any thing in the brain they cant see the disibility
     
  11. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    #11 connie, Mar 7, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 14, 2010
    Hello Tony, warm welcome to TP.

    People can be so unforgiving sometimes, and choose not to understand.

    Maybe the other members just need the situation clarifying.

    I am not making light of your situation, I think it is appalling. Just hope something works for you. Take care now, Connie
     
  12. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Tony

    Hi Tony, and thanks for posting on TP.

    First question is - does your freemason lodge [is that the correct word?] know your situation? Do they know your medical condition?

    If they don't, then I'd recommend that you speak to them and explain.

    If they do know the medical condition, but won't make allowances then I don't rate them very much. It is awful to lose friends, but there may not be anything you can do about it.

    Best wishes
     
  13. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Tony
    after 36 years as a Mason you must be at least a Provincial Officer?
    Who wants to expel you ?
    Quote
    not all members of the public are so forgiving
    These are not members of the public,they are your brothers.
    I would think you need to enlist the support of the other senior brethren in the lodge and make certain that your situation is known.
    None of it sounds very brotherly tp me.
    Please let us know how you get on
    Norman
     
  14. LynnB

    LynnB Registered User

    Feb 23, 2006
    8
    Billingham
    Swearing

    Yes ..... my mum also makes very inappropriate comments about other people when we are out ( have had to apologise on several occasions and try to quickly explain about her condition without her hearing what I am saying, as she feels no apology is needed ) and it has put me in some very awkward situations. Oh Well! such is life! She also stops strangers with babies and small children and wants to pick them up and cuddle them much to the horror of their mothers and the children themselves.

    In reply to Tony you really have my heartfelt sorrow, that people can be so thoughtless and lacking in compassion is unforgivable. I hope that they, or a member of their family, are never in your situation, I am quite sure if that was the case they would be a lot more understanding and hurt about other peoples reactions.

    Lots of Love to all
     
  15. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    Lynne
    That really struck a cord with me. My Mum also has this babies and children thing, although she's never been particularly fond of young children. She also makes REALLY inappropriate comments :eek: about people in a very loud voice, she never used to before this so I guess it's the disease.
     
  16. Countryboy

    Countryboy Registered User

    Mar 17, 2005
    1,399
    Male
    Cornwall
    #16 Countryboy, Mar 9, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2010
    sorry it took so long

    Hi Norman
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  17. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Hello Tony:

    I have just caught up with your thread.

    Today we had communion in the NH where David is! During the short 'service' David had difficulty reading the sheet!! He said this bl...y print; this bl...y this and that!!! Thankfully I now just laugh at these incidents.

    I am sorry about the Masons reaction to you although it does not surprise me. David was just a country member in recent years. At Christmas I enclosed a note with our cards outlining his situation in a NH. Low and behold the Almoner sent him flowers :eek::eek: No letter, no visit - they are off my card list for next year.

    Tony none of us need friends like this.

    Take care Jan
     

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