• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Back after long absence

Il Gufo

Registered User
Feb 27, 2013
Hello everyone, I'm back. Had long break from this forum, mainly because Mum seemed to settle into a relatively 'normal' phase, with few problems other that memory loss. However in the last week things have taken an alarming turn for the worse. And I'm sorry that I only seem to come on here when I need help - I should also be trying to support others.
Me and OH went for our annual six week break to our place abroad. Mum went to stay with my brother (although it is my SIL who cares for Mum, my brother is absent even when there), and my sister. They live within 15 mins of each other and mum did three weeks at one, and three weeks at the other. She has a few blips of not knowing where she was at my sister's - but according to my SIL mum is always "completely fine" when staying with them.
Anyway, since coming home Mum is totally confused, and the main problem is she has starting leaving her house at night. She lives in a gated cul-de-sac of supported housing, where there is a warden there just in the mornings, each resident has their own front door and flat. She has called each night, most times dreadfully upset, saying that the boys who live with her have gone out, or that there are builders behind her house. She has gone out looking for these boys, so far not going out of the gates, but I think it is only a matter of time. Luckily her friends in the close have called me when they have seen her wandering about. I have bought her back to mine to sleep here two of the nights, on the other nights me and OH have gone down and settled her down to bed. She refuses to believe that this is her home, despite us pointing out all her photos and belongings. She is so agitated and confused, she looks like a poor lost soul. It is as if someone has taken my lovely mum away and left this empty shell. I can't relax for one minute, as am always waiting for a phone call from her or her friends - I am so worried that she will wander of and not be able to find her way home.
My brother and sister are coming up on Wednesday for a meeting to chat about where we go next. My sister has found a lovely care home 10 mins from her house, just over an hour's drive for me, but I am happy with her choice. My brother is adamant that mum is not ready for a care home yet, but of course he sees none of this dreadful confusion and scarey behaviour.
Just wanted to let off steam really, and see if anyone has any advice of the best way to manage mum for the immediate future. She seems to have no joy in anything, can't settle to read or watch tv, can't really follow or join in a conversation very often - she just seems to constantly be 'mithering' as we say in the midlands. Any advice at all would be very welcome, thank you.


Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
As you say your brother isn't the one doing the caring and he's not the one who is scared and confused as your poor mum is.

Your posts to me personally says that for your mum's own safety she needs more support now and that will probably mean live in carers or the support a care home with 24/7 carers can give to her.

I don't think an apology is needed for absence I think a huge proportion of people find this site in a crisis, I know I did but found the advice so invaluable and the support too that I got hooked. :)

Forum statistics

Latest member