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babysitter leaves my daughter with grandma who has alzheimers HELP

mommabearmik

Registered User
Jan 10, 2015
9
Hello, my grandpa baby sits my daughter while I work. I came home to my grandpa out in the garage and my daughter with my grandma who had alzheimers. I'm scared, now I feel like I can't go to work. Her alzheimers is pretty severe. My baby can be in all pink and she still thinks she is a boy and doesn't know her name.

What should I do?
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
12,995
England
If your Grandma's condition is severe then looking after her will be a very demanding job for your Grandpa and not wise to be giving him a child to care for. Caring for someone with dementia can be like looking after 10 children all at once.

It would be very wise to find another person to look after your daughter right now. You would never forgive yourself if something happened to your daughter.

When my husband had progressed I found it difficult to look after myself and him, I could never have coped with someone else to look after.

Grandpa needs to keep Grandma safe and you need to keep your daughter safe. Please take care,

Jay
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
3,693
Hello, my grandpa baby sits my daughter while I work. I came home to my grandpa out in the garage and my daughter with my grandma who had alzheimers. I'm scared, now I feel like I can't go to work. Her alzheimers is pretty severe. My baby can be in all pink and she still thinks she is a boy and doesn't know her name.

What should I do?
Unless you can be sure that Grandpa won't do this again, then you will have to find an alternative arrangement for a baby sitter, hun - it just is not worth the risk :( Can you talk to Grandpa, and will he understand? Can you be sure it won't happen again? Unless you can answer 100% YES to those questions, then I don't see how you have any choice but to stop Grandpa babysitting - your baby's saftey is paramount.

And I too would be worried about Grandpa coping with caring for Grandma as well as a baby :(

I understand that this makes life difficult for you, but its one of those situations when you really have no choice - I do hope you are able to sort it out xxx
 

Lisa74

Registered User
May 27, 2011
276
I'm really sorry to hear that that happened.

I think it's best to look for someone else to look after your baby because it's too great a risk for her to be at your grandparent's house (although I can understand that it didn't seem that way to begin with, when you thought that only your grandpa would look after your daughter).

I hope there's someone else who can look after your daughter.
 

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,591
Yorkshire
Looking after a grandchild is hard work, let alone a GREAT grandchild AND a wife with Alzheimer's.

I'm with the others on this. That is not a suitable childcare scenario for a young baby and will be impossible when she's a toddler.
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,825
UK
Your Grandfather probably knows that its getting tough for him, but doesn't want to let you down. Think it is time to talk to him and then look for alternative care. Its a shame and I really feel for you because I am from a generation where grandparents filled in the gap between school finishing and mum or dad coming home, evening baby sitting, etc. You have to do what's best for your child. Its a terrible illness with an awful ripple affect on all the family.
 

mommabearmik

Registered User
Jan 10, 2015
9
I just feel bad. He begs me to watch her. If she isn't here she just leaves my grandma here by herself. I won't leave her anymore. I'm at a loss.
 

susy

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
801
North East
Make sure you still take her to see them though. Maybe that is what he is frightened of, not seeing her often. Xx
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
This sounds a difficult situation especially for you and your great grandfather.
I see in an earlier post that you lived with a lady with severe dementia and her husband was away a lot. Does this mean that you leave your daughter with grandparents whilst you go off to work with a seriously affected dementia sufferer? Or are the person/s you live with your grandparents?

I cannot help but ask where are your parents – are they available to help?
I realise you would not be here on Talking Point unless you needed more support. From your username I suspect that you may be in the US and I am unsure what support you can get there.

My thoughts are your daughter should be your priority and somehow you need to seek help for your great grandparents – its seems your grandmother as a sufferer and her husband as a carer need far more help.

I am sorry you have all these worries and hope somehow you find a solution.
Best wishes
 
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mommabearmik

Registered User
Jan 10, 2015
9
Yes I live in the US. And I live with them both. My dad has never been in my life and my mother lives six hours away. The only people I have in my life is my grandfather and we are not even blood related. It's just hard to support a baby without a job. I will have to look into child care for her.
 

mommabearmik

Registered User
Jan 10, 2015
9
I need to do something I'm just not sure how to tell him. He doesn't ttake very good care of her. He is rarely home and she is left alone. She is on no meds. I don't even know if that would help. But he weight is dropping fast and I'm worried. She's probably about 80 pounds now.
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
Have your talked to your grandfather about how very difficult it is to care for your grandmother - try to emphasise how sick she is and caring needs more than one person. If he would agree to get someone else to assist thus allowing more freedom for you especially if you can find child care too.

You certainly cannot continue as now and its important you give yourself some priority too.

Keep in touch.