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babysitter leaves my daughter with grandma who has alzheimers HELP

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by mommabearmik, Jan 20, 2015.

  1. mommabearmik

    mommabearmik Registered User

    Jan 10, 2015
    Hello, my grandpa baby sits my daughter while I work. I came home to my grandpa out in the garage and my daughter with my grandma who had alzheimers. I'm scared, now I feel like I can't go to work. Her alzheimers is pretty severe. My baby can be in all pink and she still thinks she is a boy and doesn't know her name.

    What should I do?
  2. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    If your Grandma's condition is severe then looking after her will be a very demanding job for your Grandpa and not wise to be giving him a child to care for. Caring for someone with dementia can be like looking after 10 children all at once.

    It would be very wise to find another person to look after your daughter right now. You would never forgive yourself if something happened to your daughter.

    When my husband had progressed I found it difficult to look after myself and him, I could never have coped with someone else to look after.

    Grandpa needs to keep Grandma safe and you need to keep your daughter safe. Please take care,

  3. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Unless you can be sure that Grandpa won't do this again, then you will have to find an alternative arrangement for a baby sitter, hun - it just is not worth the risk :( Can you talk to Grandpa, and will he understand? Can you be sure it won't happen again? Unless you can answer 100% YES to those questions, then I don't see how you have any choice but to stop Grandpa babysitting - your baby's saftey is paramount.

    And I too would be worried about Grandpa coping with caring for Grandma as well as a baby :(

    I understand that this makes life difficult for you, but its one of those situations when you really have no choice - I do hope you are able to sort it out xxx
  4. Lisa74

    Lisa74 Registered User

    May 27, 2011
    I'm really sorry to hear that that happened.

    I think it's best to look for someone else to look after your baby because it's too great a risk for her to be at your grandparent's house (although I can understand that it didn't seem that way to begin with, when you thought that only your grandpa would look after your daughter).

    I hope there's someone else who can look after your daughter.
  5. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    Looking after a grandchild is hard work, let alone a GREAT grandchild AND a wife with Alzheimer's.

    I'm with the others on this. That is not a suitable childcare scenario for a young baby and will be impossible when she's a toddler.
  6. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    Your Grandfather probably knows that its getting tough for him, but doesn't want to let you down. Think it is time to talk to him and then look for alternative care. Its a shame and I really feel for you because I am from a generation where grandparents filled in the gap between school finishing and mum or dad coming home, evening baby sitting, etc. You have to do what's best for your child. Its a terrible illness with an awful ripple affect on all the family.
  7. mommabearmik

    mommabearmik Registered User

    Jan 10, 2015
    I just feel bad. He begs me to watch her. If she isn't here she just leaves my grandma here by herself. I won't leave her anymore. I'm at a loss.
  8. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    North East
    Make sure you still take her to see them though. Maybe that is what he is frightened of, not seeing her often. Xx
  9. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    #9 BeckyJan, Jan 21, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2015
    This sounds a difficult situation especially for you and your great grandfather.
    I see in an earlier post that you lived with a lady with severe dementia and her husband was away a lot. Does this mean that you leave your daughter with grandparents whilst you go off to work with a seriously affected dementia sufferer? Or are the person/s you live with your grandparents?

    I cannot help but ask where are your parents – are they available to help?
    I realise you would not be here on Talking Point unless you needed more support. From your username I suspect that you may be in the US and I am unsure what support you can get there.

    My thoughts are your daughter should be your priority and somehow you need to seek help for your great grandparents – its seems your grandmother as a sufferer and her husband as a carer need far more help.

    I am sorry you have all these worries and hope somehow you find a solution.
    Best wishes
  10. mommabearmik

    mommabearmik Registered User

    Jan 10, 2015
    Yes I live in the US. And I live with them both. My dad has never been in my life and my mother lives six hours away. The only people I have in my life is my grandfather and we are not even blood related. It's just hard to support a baby without a job. I will have to look into child care for her.
  11. mommabearmik

    mommabearmik Registered User

    Jan 10, 2015
    I need to do something I'm just not sure how to tell him. He doesn't ttake very good care of her. He is rarely home and she is left alone. She is on no meds. I don't even know if that would help. But he weight is dropping fast and I'm worried. She's probably about 80 pounds now.
  12. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Have your talked to your grandfather about how very difficult it is to care for your grandmother - try to emphasise how sick she is and caring needs more than one person. If he would agree to get someone else to assist thus allowing more freedom for you especially if you can find child care too.

    You certainly cannot continue as now and its important you give yourself some priority too.

    Keep in touch.

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