Awkward visit

father ted

Registered User
Aug 16, 2010
694
London
Mum has been in care home for 2 years- she settled in very well and in all honesty I have had a very easy time of it since. The carers are kind, home keep me informed of everything etc.

Today I visited Mum, I had not been up for 4 days as I have had a cold and my daughter had hospital appt one of the days which turned out to be an all day affair. My visit started off well but then Mum asked if I could put her to bed when it was bedtime. I said no as I had got there at 1.30pm and was planning to leave around 4pm. I would have had to hang around at least another 2 hours and my daughter was with me.
From then her mood changed. She then said take me home with you I said no Mum you are well cared for here and I can’t do it. ( I have not posted for some time but for those who may not know I care for my daughter and it was caring for 2 people I could not manage). She then told me that no one wants her, she feels lost, she’d be better off not being here etc. She is so unhappy. She made a big mistake moving in with me and agreeing to go there etc etc.
All this is made harder because in many ways Mum is still the same. In fact she amazed me today when I was just speaking out loud to myself trying to work out what half of 368 was and she said after several seconds ‘184’! She has not been able to do this for sometime. She remembers people that I chat about and yet can/will not recognise that her immobility and anxiety would prevent her from living on her own now even with support, her refusal to have Carers or cooperate with assessments etc - all of which she now says are lies dreamed up by me.

I know that I have found the best solution for both her and me but today I just felt guilt tripped because she inferred that she was there because I put my needs above hers. It’s just made me feel so upset.