Hi everyone,
I've been my Aunt's carer on and off for the past 12 years since her husband passed away. Over the past few years my sister had been caring for her, as she lived closest - but neither go on well and the relationship has soured. I am now her 'carer' although I use that in the loosest sense of the word - I feel quite helpless as I am around a 90 minute drive away.
She is 93, has diabetes and uses a frame to walk. She has had falls in the past but thankfully always been able to return home. She is comfortable financially but has always refused 'outside' help in the past. Over the last year since her most recent fall she has agreed to have Local Authority carers come in once every day to dress her. She is usually dressed before they arrive! Very stubborn, bit like me and I admire the way she has stood her ground and resolutely stayed in her own home, even though it has been difficult for those around her to accept.
Her next of kin is her brother (my dad) he lives in France and visits once a year at Christmas.
I do her shopping online, and visit as much as I can. I work full time.
In recent days she sounds confused on the phone, and has told me she is not eating. She has started throwing food away. She has called four television repair men in the past month to 'fix' her TV - she is using the wrong remote control. I am concerned that she is calling these people up out of the phone book, and though they may be reputable, they now know there is a 93 year old, confused and alone in that flat. Is she putting herself at risk now?
I'm going to see her tomorrow and taking some food to see if I can coax her to eat. I'm taking my little dog who always cheers her up. She goes for days without seeing or speaking to anyone. One of my Cousins does visit occasionally and my Dad rings her once a week.
Today I've telephoned a care line because if I find her in a bad way tomorrow I just don't know what to do. They've advised me to contact Social Services if I think she needs to be reassessed, and I've told my Dad this. But if I do this, my Aunt will likely FLIP! and probably never speak to me again or could refuse my help altogether, send the Social Services team packing and be in a worse state even more alone.
Does anyone have any advice for me speaking from your own experiences? I dearly want her to not be alone in her flat and to be taken care of. I cannot have her at my home as accessibility is the issue - and she wouldn't leave that flat even if I asked her.
Around ten years ago she had a brain scan and the doctors said she was in the early stages of dementia. Thankfully I think progression has been slow, however when I speak to her she seems to be stuck in a 'loop'. And she cannot get figures correct (£18 can be £1800 or £80 in the same sentence) I'm worried she is not taking her medication correctly either.
All advice so gratefully received
I've been my Aunt's carer on and off for the past 12 years since her husband passed away. Over the past few years my sister had been caring for her, as she lived closest - but neither go on well and the relationship has soured. I am now her 'carer' although I use that in the loosest sense of the word - I feel quite helpless as I am around a 90 minute drive away.
She is 93, has diabetes and uses a frame to walk. She has had falls in the past but thankfully always been able to return home. She is comfortable financially but has always refused 'outside' help in the past. Over the last year since her most recent fall she has agreed to have Local Authority carers come in once every day to dress her. She is usually dressed before they arrive! Very stubborn, bit like me and I admire the way she has stood her ground and resolutely stayed in her own home, even though it has been difficult for those around her to accept.
Her next of kin is her brother (my dad) he lives in France and visits once a year at Christmas.
I do her shopping online, and visit as much as I can. I work full time.
In recent days she sounds confused on the phone, and has told me she is not eating. She has started throwing food away. She has called four television repair men in the past month to 'fix' her TV - she is using the wrong remote control. I am concerned that she is calling these people up out of the phone book, and though they may be reputable, they now know there is a 93 year old, confused and alone in that flat. Is she putting herself at risk now?
I'm going to see her tomorrow and taking some food to see if I can coax her to eat. I'm taking my little dog who always cheers her up. She goes for days without seeing or speaking to anyone. One of my Cousins does visit occasionally and my Dad rings her once a week.
Today I've telephoned a care line because if I find her in a bad way tomorrow I just don't know what to do. They've advised me to contact Social Services if I think she needs to be reassessed, and I've told my Dad this. But if I do this, my Aunt will likely FLIP! and probably never speak to me again or could refuse my help altogether, send the Social Services team packing and be in a worse state even more alone.
Does anyone have any advice for me speaking from your own experiences? I dearly want her to not be alone in her flat and to be taken care of. I cannot have her at my home as accessibility is the issue - and she wouldn't leave that flat even if I asked her.
Around ten years ago she had a brain scan and the doctors said she was in the early stages of dementia. Thankfully I think progression has been slow, however when I speak to her she seems to be stuck in a 'loop'. And she cannot get figures correct (£18 can be £1800 or £80 in the same sentence) I'm worried she is not taking her medication correctly either.
All advice so gratefully received
Last edited: