Attitude from care service manager

[Rachael81]

Frustrated at poor attitude of the manager of the care provider in understanding what dementia is and how Mum can be up and down in impairment but needs to be checked to be clean, fed and fully dressed. Apparently they can't force her to do things if she says "no thanks" they have to respect that... it's a frustrating disease as I can see both sides, but what can we do?

Can't believe she talked over me and at points didn't let me get a word in edgeways though, now that's just poor people skills. I treat people at work complaining about furniture and deliveries with more time and compassion than she did to me in discussing mum's long term care!

AAAARGH!

 

[Philbo]

I had something similar when we finally managed to get the district nurse team to visit regarding my wife, regarding the early signs that she was becoming incontinent.

The lady was a bit officious, spending most of the time explaining what they couldn't do and how we had to wait until my wife was fully incontinent before anything could be done!

A couple of months later, I managed to get to see a different nurse at the clinic and she was brilliant. Showed a lot of empathy, made such a fuss of my wife and said she'd submit a case for the provision of pull-up pants (which we got a month later). The previous nurse had said that these were not available!

The staff in our local Tescos have got more idea than a lot of the health service folk, who are supposed to be trained in dealing with dementia patients and their carers.

 

[DMac]

Frustrated at poor attitude of the manager of the care provider in understanding what dementia is and how Mum can be up and down in impairment but needs to be checked to be clean, fed and fully dressed. Apparently they can't force her to do things if she says "no thanks" they have to respect that... it's a frustrating disease as I can see both sides, but what can we do?

Can't believe she talked over me and at points didn't let me get a word in edgeways though, now that's just poor people skills. I treat people at work complaining about furniture and deliveries with more time and compassion than she did to me in discussing mum's long term care!

AAAARGH!

This is what I experienced, too. The care provider was most likely in defensive mode so she talked over you to prevent you having your say, effectively. It's also common to hide behind the idea that as carers, they cannot override the person's wishes.

All you can do is follow up your phone call in writing. Re-iterate your complaints and what you heard her say she was going to do, or not do (if she feels unable). Make it clear what YOU expect to happen in future. Copy your SW.

Having said that, it is very common for the PWD to refuse care, and sometimes it isn't possible to override their wishes, however much we'd like to. Have a chat with the SW as well and see what she or he advises. Best of luck.