At what point is a person no longer able to live by themselves? SS wont answer

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by NobodyListens, Feb 6, 2015.

  1. NobodyListens

    NobodyListens Registered User

    Feb 6, 2015
    Hello everyone,

    I've just registered here today... Hello! I've come looking for some information or advice.......

    My mum's brother was diagnosed with advanced Alz in Dec 2013 and is in a very bad way. He lives alone, nowhere close to family so we're completely in the hands of Social Services. We have recently agreed Agency Care following a trial period and my Uncle should be getting 1 meal cooked a day (breakfast). We're not sure that this is happening, and I've asked SS for an Activity Log as we have had a lot of issues with them being unable to use the keys provided. Seriously.

    Mum said when she went to visit on Monday, there was a raw sausage on the couch, the breakfast stuff in the fridge was untouched and the bread was mouldy. Mum said she cooked him a breakfast and he scoffed it. Then they went out shopping and when they returned he only had his coat on, on top. No vest or shirt or jumper and was freezing. He has lost most of his speech and is very confused.

    He is no longer able to switch the telly on. So sits alone in his flat all day long. Not even the telly on to provide a bit of background noise.

    He has no money to self fund living in a care home and SS say he is okay to live by himself with the care in place. We've had issues with him locking himself out, no replies from SS visits, so we've installed a key safe. We've also installed a telephone line for the emergency services alarm things.

    SS won't answer the question about what flags or behaviours need to be demonstrated before they consider moving him in to residential care. My mum is distraught to think that he may be so hungry he's eating raw food out of the fridge.

    SS won't listen and keep fobbing us off. Yet ring us at all hours when the carers cant get in the flat. So you put in a written complaint. With no apology they just say so do you want to be taken off the contact list? Not really the point, and I feel terrible saying yes, because what if there was a real emergency.

    Anyway does anyone have anything similar to compare?

    Sorry for whinging........!!

    Thank you
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    This is negligence on the part of SS. I think you need bigger guns. Contact your MP - there is an election coming up. Outline all of these issues and stress it is a matter of urgency and you may need to go to the press to protect him.
  3. Oxy

    Oxy Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    Clearly his safety is at massive risk. You need to contact SS each day if necessary and remind them they have a duty of care. As Marion said it is abject negligence. His life is in danger from many angles. Security, cold , eating possibly raw food that needs to be cooked. Also is he not a fire risk too? I really feel for you. Push for a care home for his safety-only place that guarantees his safety and social, emotional needs are met. Anything is better than alone at home all day with such insecurity. Good luck and yes contact MP and councillor. Time between visits is just too long !
  4. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    Get help!

    Contact both your, and his local Alzheimer's group, for information, as to what help is available to him, beyond the Social Services.
    If he wanders, or is a danger to himself or others, involve the Police, they are able to get attention!

    Good luck, now is the time to be thumping tables for attention! If necessary complain to the Chief Executive of Social services, coping in the local MP. Hold the Social Services responsible for the state of your Uncle. Find out which agency has the contract to visit him, find out what they should be doing, they may know a way forward, but just need prodding!

  5. Pottingshed50

    Pottingshed50 Registered User

    Apr 8, 2012
    I could not believe what I was reading. As has been said this is down right neglect, the SW should be sacked. The words Social and Worker are supposed to mean a caring person. Would he or she leave their elderly parent or sibling like this, of course not. And dont go down the road of money. This Governement whatever department has always got money for things that are head line news. I am suprised he hasnt frozen to death or starved to death by now.

    You must immediately report this. Poor old chap I could weep for him.

    Good luck.
  6. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    I would advise that your Mum also keeps a diary of the hunger/raw food/mouldy bread etc.That way she has her own evidence.You need to have proof so a few photos wouldn't go amiss either. Write a very strong worded letter to SS's and your MP.(and let SS's know that you have involved your MP)

    I'm so sorry that your poor Uncle is going through this-and you and your Mum.

    Take care

    Lyn T XX
  7. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    You need to go higher and push hard. Get in touch with Alzeimers society, write to your MP, go above their heads at Social Services. do not wait for your your uncle to become a newspaper headline. Sorry to say from what you have written here. I think your uncle has already crossed the line to be able to live alone.
  8. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    Echo what's been said here. Take notes, take photos - decent quality ones with time and date on the camera. You are building evidence so it needs to be meticulous.
  9. henfenywfach

    henfenywfach Registered User

    May 23, 2013
    Hi!..its appauling that this is happening all too often..if in wales i would contact the older persons commissioner she on the ball..if in england ..try norman lamb mp..who responsible for supporting dementia..according ro his description...ireland have an older persons commissioner..see the web...

    I would tell ss that hes vunerable and mention care of duty and the care act...and then slip in..if things dont change were going to the bbc as theyre covering dementia and care issues..

    As a family get power of a matter of urgency ..he only has to have capacity whilst signing they can dont need a dr ro say that..

    I would ring the alz society and get advice ..dont allow ss to say were short staffed in cuts..bla bla ..not your problem...!!!!.
    Im am so sorry that you are being faced with this horrendous situation...and the loudest voice gets heard first!!!
    Good luck..and failing all else david cameron..if in england..or twitter him ..then watch them jump!
    Good luck!

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app
  10. opaline

    opaline Registered User

    Nov 13, 2014
    I would phone his GP for a home visit so he/she can see the conditions he is living in for himself and hopefully be more support for you. I know it's not the answer but could one of you stay with him even temporarily? x

    WILLIAMR Account Closed

    Apr 12, 2014
    #11 WILLIAMR, Feb 6, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2015
    A man came up to me in a local park once and said he had lost his wife.
    I asked some questions including his address and phone number and my initial thoughts were she had probably gone home so I rang the number and got no reply.
    I asked him a few more questions and got reasonable answers and after about 5 minutes all went pear shaped because he said they had just driven off a ferry from Ireland.
    At that point I called 999. I expected an ambulance but a police car came as they were short of ambulances at that point.
    I spoke to the police officer for a few minutes and it came over the radio there was no resident missing from any local home.
    I said I thought it could be dementia but the officer said I could be correct but there are other things it could be. The police took him to the hospital.
    I later went to the address and found that his wife had died about 15 years before.
    In a way I think it was lucky he got to the park so I was able to see something was wrong.
    What is frightening is it was only an hour to closing time so he could have been in the park all night or alternatively he could have been in his house and nobody would have known something was wrong.
    Oddly the neighbour had seen him sweeping his path that morning and did not think there was anything wrong.
    Another ironic thing. He had only sold his car a few months before. The optician said he only just met the law sight wise and he said his sight was gradually getting worse.
    As far as the neighbour was aware he was not in contact with social services. He was a member of a couple of clubs.

  12. Adcat

    Adcat Registered User

    Jun 15, 2014
    I am so sorry to read this about your uncle, the anxiety of this situation must just be awful for your family.
    Along with all the advice already given, please email LBC radio. Sheila Fogerty has
    a weekly talk show and is championing the issue of how we treat our elderly in the UK. She has access to the likes of political head honchos and a UK audience.
    Just a thought perhaps all the political parties should join TP and maybe we could have a chat room session with them re the state of affairs given the up - coming election.
  13. NobodyListens

    NobodyListens Registered User

    Feb 6, 2015
    Thank you

    Hi Everyone,

    Wow, overwhelmed and surprised with all your fantastic feedback and comments. Mum and I were amazed that so many people took the time to reply back and point us in the right direction.

    We will certainly feel that it's okay to be more foreful in our ongoing discussions and I will certainly be keeping a diary of the incidents and interactions with all parties.

    Thanks all, you've been really helpful
  14. suzc5hg90

    suzc5hg90 Registered User

    Nov 28, 2014
    Sorry to hear about your Uncle.
    My Aunt's Alzheimer's was exposed recently when my Uncle passed away. She lived for 3 weeks on her own. We live 20 miles away with 2 young kids. I phoned the social worker because I was concerned about her and they said the impression they had was she was fine and it was too soon to really think about having an assessment. By this point it was clear she was struggling to cope. She seemed to have lost interest in food and would just sit in the flat with no tv on all day. Home help were popping in three times a day but it wasn't enough.
    She phoned the police saying that she was trapped in her office so she was taken to the hospital and now she is in a short term care home. We are trying to find her a permanent home where she will be safe and happy.
    It is a very difficult time but go with your instincts. I hope your Uncle will soon receive the care he deserves. suzx
  15. lulubel

    lulubel Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Co Durham
    I'm with marionq, contact your MP. We had to, about n issue not related to elderly, but child benefit (we were in the right, which you are too). It was sorted in no time. That's what they're there for ......
    Hoping this sorts out very quickly for you .....

    Lulu xx
  16. Anongirl

    Anongirl Registered User

    Aug 8, 2012
    Hi Nobodylistens, I just wanted to say welcome! x

    I'm sorry you are in this position, I went through this with my mum. Luckily SS did eventually listen when I said she wasn't safe anymore. I think this was helped by the fact that one of mum's carers (she had four a day!) complained that mum clearly wasn't safe living at home alone. I had made this point previously to them but they have to try everything first. There was a catalogue of issues but luckily my fears were listened to eventually. In the nick of time if I'm honest.

    I truly hope you can get the help and support that you all need xxx

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