So tonight I dreaded the thought of calling dad. I knew he wouldn’t answer the phone but tried anyway. Of course he didn’t answer so I video called him on the digital screen as it answers automatically but the reception is so poor. I tell dad I’ll call him again on his iPhone and ask him to answer this time. He does. But then he spends a lonnnnng time describing what’s on his digital screen then what’s on his iPhone screen then he complains he can’t hear me because Abba is too loud. I tell him to turn it off/down and ask him if it’s his tv or the Alexa. He tells me (in a horrid tone) that he doesn’t know what the tv or the Alexa are so that means nothing to him. I try asking Alexa to stop by shouting it loudly but guess it is his tv that’s on so I describe his tv control so he knows what he is looking for. This by the way is exactly how our last conversation went. Just dad and I trying to work out how to turn off the tv so we can hear each other. Dad tells me I’ll need to find another way to communicate as this isn’t working. 🤦♀️🤷🏻♀️I tell him there is no other way. He just needs to turn tv off or down. Then dad starts reading stuff on his screens again. Last time I called and told dad to press the big red button on tv control he said oh yes I see it. Then described the big red square printed at the top of his newspaper and said there were words on the red button saying Daily Record. So he is bought the newspaper was the tv control. It’s utterly exhausting and by the end we have had no conversation. But to add to all of this, dad speaks to me in a deliberately condescending voice. His tone is deliberate and very irritating. This is part of dads normal character, just worse now. Speaking to me using my name excessively with a tone that makes you want to walk out the room. I’ve often hung up on dad on the phone due to how he speaks to me and tonight i did exactly that. I’ve not hung up on dad since he’s been in the care home as I desperately want him to know I’m here for him but this is just such hard work and all for nothing but to be spoken to like I’m a child. There is nothing to talk about though in any case so I usually just go through the motions of dad trying to find the tv remote etc.
I still keep toying with the idea of moving dad down here so I can just visit him once or twice a week. I worry that all conversation will become impossible soon. Conversation doesn’t matter so much when with someone in person. the homes round here just aren’t great. And of course he’s familiar where he is and set in his routines and has a lovely room etc. I also don’t know if dad will want to move. I also don’t know if it will be a big upheaval and make little benefit to dad because he’ll forget good and bad stuff anyway and has little sense of time wherever he is. What I mean is, I’d be moving dad as much for my own piece of mind as I sense we are close to not being able to communicate at all soon. It’s too much effort for little effect. Do I move dad all the way down south from Scotland where he’s lived his whole life. Put him through all that (doubly incontinent) just to see him once or twice a week? Will dad feel the benefit of that? I truly am rubbish at making decisions. Especially for someone else.
I still keep toying with the idea of moving dad down here so I can just visit him once or twice a week. I worry that all conversation will become impossible soon. Conversation doesn’t matter so much when with someone in person. the homes round here just aren’t great. And of course he’s familiar where he is and set in his routines and has a lovely room etc. I also don’t know if dad will want to move. I also don’t know if it will be a big upheaval and make little benefit to dad because he’ll forget good and bad stuff anyway and has little sense of time wherever he is. What I mean is, I’d be moving dad as much for my own piece of mind as I sense we are close to not being able to communicate at all soon. It’s too much effort for little effect. Do I move dad all the way down south from Scotland where he’s lived his whole life. Put him through all that (doubly incontinent) just to see him once or twice a week? Will dad feel the benefit of that? I truly am rubbish at making decisions. Especially for someone else.
