Hi Eve
We have just (yesturday) moved mum into a NH. A very difficult decision to come to, but it was being selfish of us putting it off, I have to say though, it is the MOST difficult thing we have EVER done.
I am sure there are more experienced friends on TP than me, but the only advice I can give you on choosing the right home is: ( and of course things may differ greatly in the US).
We looked for NH's that were Residential / EMI Unit attached. The thought process being that our mum, at present, isn't in need of an EMI, she is, shall we say, not quite there yet. However, what we didn't want was another huge move to a toally different place when the only alternative was EMI, so where she is now, it will simply be a move upstairs to the EMI Unit from the residential part where she is now.
Having got the list of possibles together, I researched on the internet the 'offical' reports following inspections that are required in the UK. This did weed out quite a few (there were a number that needed a lot of work in terms of following the guidelines. So these were crossed off the list.
The next thing we did was visited NH's totally unannounced. A couple were quite 'phased' that we didn't have an appointment, hummm made me a tat suspicious!!
In short we went with the one that was totally relaxed about our unannounced visit (we did make a point of avoiding meal times). They were quite happy for us to talk to residents / visiting family members on our own.
We asked staff members how long they had worked there (again we saw one NH where the staff turnover seemed a tat excessive).
Daily activities are arranged for residents. They actively encouraged us to take all of mums bedroom / any another other furniture we could cram into her bedroom. All rooms are en suite. Excellent bathroom facilites in terms of hoists etc. Get up / go to bed times are toally relaxed. A good system is in place so that laundry doesn't go missing. Staff didn't talk to residents in a patronising way. A good choice of food available for each meal. Tea / coffee freely available throughout the day. Fluid and food intake monitored carefully. Good communication system between residents / family and staff. Medication given and monitored.
Optician and dental care from appropriate professionals arranged. Hair dresser goes in once a week. We noticed that one resident had plonked himself in the nurses office and gone to sleep, nobody seemed phased by this. When we took mum for a visit, she was treated with friendly respect.
Bottom line is, I think a lot is down to your gut instinct on how well your loved one will be cared for, importantly is dignity preserved at all times, is the atmosphere a caring and a happy one.
Good luck, it isnt easy, not just the practical, but the emotional side of things for your loved one, and you too.
Hope this helps in some way.
Cate