I don't know where to turn right now. I hope you don't mind me coming here, though what has just transpired, makes me wonder if I'll get the same response here as I have just now. And that is that it's not about me. It's about Mum.
My Mum is end of life. I finally snapped last night as a result of all communication with the care home going through my sister. They have a policy of only speaking to one relative. My sister then 'keeps me in the loop' and if I have anything to say it has to go through her. As a result of the stress of the lockdown, Mum's deterioration, only being allowed to see her for an hour every second day (if she lasts that long), and the cumulative effect of them bypassing me, I snapped and left a note on the care system (inappropriate and unprofessional I know but I've had no other voice) to express how upset I was and how upset Mum would be if she understood. I feel I have already lost my Mum. I had a brief conversation with a nurse a few days ago and got **** on and this morning I got hauled over the coals by the care home manager for leaving the note. And was left in no doubt that it's not about me.
It's not just the care home. Mum's been hospitalised twice in the last month and the hospital take the same stand. Relatives are surplus to requirements. Just shut up, go away, and we'll decided to change all of Mum's meds, let her get pressure sores, put her on the wrong mattress, decide she doesn't need pain medication, leave her to not eat. But as a relative you just don't count - you're locked out. Hospitals, care homes, etc. are having a field day with relatives out the way.
Three years caring for my Mum. Three years of being told in words and actions that I simply don't count. Now in my Mum's final days I want to be able to ask a nurse how she's doing today but instead being told that they've already updated my sister (So go away. It's not about me but my Mum. That's my point. Me asking about Mum IS about Mum. But not in their eyes).
You might agree but this really, really hurts. And now I have nowhere to turn because I'm now a 'trouble maker'.
Thanks for listening and sorry if it's upsetting for you to read.
My Mum is end of life. I finally snapped last night as a result of all communication with the care home going through my sister. They have a policy of only speaking to one relative. My sister then 'keeps me in the loop' and if I have anything to say it has to go through her. As a result of the stress of the lockdown, Mum's deterioration, only being allowed to see her for an hour every second day (if she lasts that long), and the cumulative effect of them bypassing me, I snapped and left a note on the care system (inappropriate and unprofessional I know but I've had no other voice) to express how upset I was and how upset Mum would be if she understood. I feel I have already lost my Mum. I had a brief conversation with a nurse a few days ago and got **** on and this morning I got hauled over the coals by the care home manager for leaving the note. And was left in no doubt that it's not about me.
It's not just the care home. Mum's been hospitalised twice in the last month and the hospital take the same stand. Relatives are surplus to requirements. Just shut up, go away, and we'll decided to change all of Mum's meds, let her get pressure sores, put her on the wrong mattress, decide she doesn't need pain medication, leave her to not eat. But as a relative you just don't count - you're locked out. Hospitals, care homes, etc. are having a field day with relatives out the way.
Three years caring for my Mum. Three years of being told in words and actions that I simply don't count. Now in my Mum's final days I want to be able to ask a nurse how she's doing today but instead being told that they've already updated my sister (So go away. It's not about me but my Mum. That's my point. Me asking about Mum IS about Mum. But not in their eyes).
You might agree but this really, really hurts. And now I have nowhere to turn because I'm now a 'trouble maker'.
Thanks for listening and sorry if it's upsetting for you to read.