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Arriving too early for appointments and clubs

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stargazer7

Registered User
Feb 28, 2014
8
0
Kettering
I'm new to this forum so Hi to everyone. My Mother-in-law has been to the memory clinic and advised that she has mild Dementia. I took her for her CT scan last Friday so we're waiting for the results of that. There is no doubt in mine or my husband's mind that she has some form of Dementia so the results will not be a shock. I was just wondering if anyone else's relative/friend had gone through this 'arriving too early for appointments or club's? My MIL goes to a number of different clubs each week. She has done this since losing her husband 2 years ago. Her clubs usually start around 2pm however we have learned that she has been arriving at 9/10am and just sitting waiting or waiting out in the car park. We do not live local to her, we are in the process of moving her to a house that is only a few doors down from us. Is this a usual behaviour that a person with dementia goes through and any tips/suggestions for this? Once she is here I will be able to keep a better eye on her but I am sure that she will still want to just go to where she is going once she is ready in the morning rather than waiting to arrive at the right time.
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
14,031
0
England
Hello Stargazer and welcome to TP.

I have no experience as it is my husband who had Alzheimer's so I have always been with him .

I know he has no sense of time and would think that 3am was 3pm and was wanting to go out. And it took a lot of distracting to divert him from going on and on and on.

Hopefully someone will be along soon who may have experienced a relative living on their own going out at the wrong time.

Glad you have joined us, though sorry for the reason why. Hopefully we will see you joining us on one of the threads.

Take care,

Jay
 

Ash148

Registered User
Jan 1, 2014
274
0
Dublin, Ireland
My mum has been doing this for the past year: insisting on going to church a couple of hours before the service is due to start. Also insisting on starting to cook dinner sometimes at three in the afternoon, and impossible on those days to persuade her that it is too early.
 

Anongirl

Registered User
Aug 8, 2012
2,668
0
Hi Stargazer7 and welcome!

Yes I experienced this with my mum in the early stages. I noticed that if we were going somewhere she would ring me hours before I was due to pick her up asking where I was and why I hadn't picked her up. My brother lived with her at the time and said she would get up early, get dressed and sit waiting for me with her coat on. I think this was the start of her losing the ability to know what time it was. At that point she still seemed able to tell the time on the whole but it was as if she just forgot to look at the clock. As if the time was just as she saw it in her mind.

It would be the same if she had appointments at the doctors, she would turn up hours before even if I told her I would ring her at the correct time to leave. She too tried to carry on going to her volunteer job, groups, etc, but she would start waiting outside for the bus to pick her up too early then get upset or even stand outside on the wrong day. It didn't matter if I rang her to tell her what was happening and when every day. Gradually this got worse.

From this forum I have learnt that not everyone has exactly the same symptoms but there are definitely similar patterns.

X
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
4,764
0
Salford
Pretty common thing I think time displacement, one of the earlier signs I just hum "let's do the time zone again" (to the tune of Let's do the time warp again) as I get asked what's for breakfast at 9 o'clock at night or is it time for bed every time it gets a bit cloudy and the room goes slightly darker. It could be a big problem for someone living alone where there's no one there to correct them like my uncle going out for the bus at 3am not 3pm, that is when you need to think about doing something.
K
 

Raffles

Registered User
Nov 8, 2008
97
0
North Wales
I have to be careful not to mention we have a Doctors appointment in the afternoon until about a half hour before or my husband will get ready at 9am and sit with his coat on waiting to go. I tell him it's not until after lunch but it doesn't make any difference. My friends husband with Alzheimer's does the same.
 

stargazer7

Registered User
Feb 28, 2014
8
0
Kettering
Hello Stargazer and welcome to TP.

I have no experience as it is my husband who had Alzheimer's so I have always been with him .

I know he has no sense of time and would think that 3am was 3pm and was wanting to go out. And it took a lot of distracting to divert him from going on and on and on.

Hopefully someone will be along soon who may have experienced a relative living on their own going out at the wrong time.

Glad you have joined us, though sorry for the reason why. Hopefully we will see you joining us on one of the threads.

Take care,

Jay

Thank you Jay. I have found this forum very informative and I feel that it will become indispensable in the future once my MIL has moved closer to us and I will be more responsible for her and her care.
 

stargazer7

Registered User
Feb 28, 2014
8
0
Kettering
I have to be careful not to mention we have a Doctors appointment in the afternoon until about a half hour before or my husband will get ready at 9am and sit with his coat on waiting to go. I tell him it's not until after lunch but it doesn't make any difference. My friends husband with Alzheimer's does the same.

Thanks Raffles, we have learnt not to mention doing or going somewhere until it is virtually time to leave when she is in our company. I am hoping that I can help in some way once she has moved by going with her to some clubs that I can get her involved in, in our local area. My thoughts were that if they were more Dementia lead there would be more understanding and the fact I would say I would be going with her would help her keep to time.
 

stargazer7

Registered User
Feb 28, 2014
8
0
Kettering
My mum has been doing this for the past year: insisting on going to church a couple of hours before the service is due to start. Also insisting on starting to cook dinner sometimes at three in the afternoon, and impossible on those days to persuade her that it is too early.

Yes we think sometimes she is possibly eating her lunch around 10am or possibly not eating at all as she is arriving so early and just sitting waiting.
 

Barlemo

Registered User
Apr 23, 2012
80
0
I have to be careful not to mention we have a Doctors appointment in the afternoon until about a half hour before or my husband will get ready at 9am and sit with his coat on waiting to go. I tell him it's not until after lunch but it doesn't make any difference. My friends husband with Alzheimer's does the same.

Yes this is common I think. Last week my MIL sat with her coat on for 24 hours waiting for her lift to pick her up and take her to the Day Centre. I got calls all through the night to tell me "he hasn't turned up yet". Definitely best not to say anything about appointments or outings until just before the time. My husband is getting that way too. Gets very anxious when he knows we have to go somewhere.
 

menik

New member
Apr 18, 2021
1
0
My husband who was diagnosed 6 months ago seems to have lost his concept of time. He also goes to appointments, etc, sometimes two hours early and then gets upset because the other person has not turned up when in fact they were not due.

I haven't tried not telling him just beforehand but will give it a go. However he spends a lot of time just looking at his diary!
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,681
0
Kent
It`s an anxiety behaviour, not having the concept of time and not wanting to have a last minute rush or be late.

Many of us have this without dementia as a cause. We are an early family. Not 5 hours too early I know but most of us are often the first to arrive.

Perhaps people with dementia with these anxieties are best told on the day and perhaps an hour before.
 

jzw01

Registered User
Jun 12, 2021
19
0
This losing touch with time comes as no surprise to me. My wife will try and start preparing meals far too soon and get ready to go out very early. I have to be quite firm about mealtimes or we would be eating too early and getting hungry again at a later time in the day.

This can cause some distress but I think that I must accept this and come up with ways of delaying activities without being obvious. When going somewhere I can drive slowly and get into traffic jams but cannot do this with mealtimes

Just a small problem but it can be irritating.
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
10
0
I'm new to this forum so Hi to everyone. My Mother-in-law has been to the memory clinic and advised that she has mild Dementia. I took her for her CT scan last Friday so we're waiting for the results of that. There is no doubt in mine or my husband's mind that she has some form of Dementia so the results will not be a shock. I was just wondering if anyone else's relative/friend had gone through this 'arriving too early for appointments or club's? My MIL goes to a number of different clubs each week. She has done this since losing her husband 2 years ago. Her clubs usually start around 2pm however we have learned that she has been arriving at 9/10am and just sitting waiting or waiting out in the car park. We do not live local to her, we are in the process of moving her to a house that is only a few doors down from us. Is this a usual behaviour that a person with dementia goes through and any tips/suggestions for this? Once she is here I will be able to keep a better eye on her but I am sure that she will still want to just go to where she is going once she is ready in the morning rather than waiting to arrive at the right time.
I'm new to this forum so Hi to everyone. My Mother-in-law has been to the memory clinic and advised that she has mild Dementia. I took her for her CT scan last Friday so we're waiting for the results of that. There is no doubt in mine or my husband's mind that she has some form of Dementia so the results will not be a shock. I was just wondering if anyone else's relative/friend had gone through this 'arriving too early for appointments or club's? My MIL goes to a number of different clubs each week. She has done this since losing her husband 2 years ago. Her clubs usually start around 2pm however we have learned that she has been arriving at 9/10am and just sitting waiting or waiting out in the car park. We do not live local to her, we are in the process of moving her to a house that is only a few doors down from us. Is this a usual behaviour that a person with dementia goes through and any tips/suggestions for this? Once she is here I will be able to keep a better eye on her but I am sure that she will still want to just go to where she is going once she is ready in the morning rather than waiting to arrive at the right time.
Hello, my dad was diagnosed with vascular dementia recently. Before his diagnosis he told me that the bus driver wouldn’t let him on the bus using his bus pass. Apparently it was 8 o’clock in the morning and he can’t use his bus pass before 9.30am. Instead of going back home he waited in the cold for an hour and a half. I asked him why he had gone out so early he told me that he didn’t bother looking at the clock because it felt like the right time. I suspected that he can not always tell the time depending on how well his vascular system is working. His neighbours later told me that they had brought him home a few times as he had gone out too early and they had seen him at the bus stop. Also, if I am taking him to any appointments, he is often sat waiting with his coat, cap and mask on when I arrive, even when it is an afternoon appointment. I often get there early because I want to spend time with him before taking him to wherever we need to go. He is very proud and would never admit that he can no longer tell the time. He failed this during his assessment at the memory clinic 😢
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,477
0
Yorkshire
hello @menik
just to offer a warm welcome to DTP

do have a mooch around the threads and start one of your own when you're ready .... post whatever is on your mind and members will offer support and suggestions
 
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