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Argumentative and swearing

chakras

Registered User
Jan 24, 2012
16
Mum has vascular dementia and we notice each week brings a deterioration. We have been told that it may plateou out and it may not. I was hoping for some advice about a few issues that are becoming more and more of an issue, especially this last week.

(1) Is there cases of dementia where there is constant detrioraition, and there is no plateou out at all. Mum has had the dementia for over a year now and everyone does say there is a difference every week or couple of weeks.

(2) We are going through an argumentative phase. She wants the carers stopped. She says she does everything in the house and does not need help. She says she will not let the carers in etc. The truth is that she is unable to do much in the house (albeit basic tasks ) and the carers etc are a godsend. I keep[ trying to explain that they are there to help because she cannot do the things she used to, but I am then accused of lying. I have even gone down the line of saying the topic is non negotiable, but that does not work either.

(3) In the last few weeks, she will try to do a basic task, but will get into difficulty and then start swearing to herself and getting in a state. She will then just repeat the same words time and time again for anything up to 15 / 20 mins. And then, it all seems to get forgotton about. Not sure how to deal with thsi one at all.
 

Sharon Waugh

Registered User
May 7, 2012
45
Surrey
Hi. I am new to this site. My mum has just been diagnosed with dementia but seems to have really deteriorated since she was taken into hospital just over a week ago. Up to then and over the last couple of months, she was saying some ridiculous things but we thought it was just because she is blind and wasn't really waking from a dream properly. Now we wonder if that was just our wishful thinking! Over the last few days mum has become really nasty and refuses to believe anything we say. She thinks the doctors are poisoning her food and drink and therefore she won't eat or drink or take her usual meds. She appears to really hate me. It's very hurtful. I haven't got the answers for you but wanted to say hello and also say that I really do appreciate how hard this is for you.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,248
66
Toronto, Canada
Since your mother has been diagnosed with vascular dementia, she may be suffering from mini-strokes which can cause the sort of decline she is experiencing. Here's more information: http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=161

If I were you, I would not try to explain that she needs help. This only infuriates her. I would go with something along the lines of "a free service for retired persons" with heavy emphasis on free. This can be very appealing.

I recommend trying to distract her with a cup of tea or something like that or ignoring her if distraction doesn't work. It's a phase and will pass eventually.
 

Tooshie

Registered User
Apr 28, 2012
183
Newcastle upon Tyne
Changes in behaviour

Hi Chakras,

Sorry to hear about your experience. Sounds like you are very distressed. It reads to me that you are witnessing changes in your Mother's behaviour which are not her usual traits. This is indicative of the advancement of her condition and maybe she needs a reassessment now?

Patients with Alz do have an awareness of their problems, and it must be very frightening for them because they are powerless to reverse/halt/control their predicament. Your Mother is in denial, and the argumentativeness is a coping mechanism which is manifesting as hostile and defensive - remember - fear is a mightily powerful emotion. She seems aware that she can no longer do her household tasks, recognises that her capacity is diminishing and therefore tries to conceal the truth and gets defensive and frustrated if challenged. We all adopt this stances at times.

Keep in mind that the swearing and arguments are not her usual demeanor - they are presenting because of her illness. Ignore them and pacify her, rather than pointing them out to her and trying to correct her. If she has a normally placid/rational disposition, she will soon come around.

The carers do attend with the agreement/consent of the patient unless mental incapacity is confirmed. I recommend a reassessment as soon as possible.

I wish my Mother had been a reasonable woman in younger days, but unfortunately she never was. Consequently I have always known a verbally and physically aggressive and irrational person who swears like a docker (but cleverly only when in my company). Imagine her now, with even less logic and more fear as she is also terminal? I'm exhausted - never know which woman I am going to have to deal with at the blink of an eye.

Good luck.

Ellie x
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,248
66
Toronto, Canada
My mum has just been diagnosed with dementia but seems to have really deteriorated since she was taken into hospital just over a week ago.
This is very common. It is not actually caused by the hospital (or care home or wherever a person is moved to a new place) but rather what happens is that the inability of the person to absorb new facts (that they're in the hospital and why) and learn new things is made glaringly obvious.
 

Tooshie

Registered User
Apr 28, 2012
183
Newcastle upon Tyne
Hi. I am new to this site. My mum has just been diagnosed with dementia but seems to have really deteriorated since she was taken into hospital just over a week ago. Up to then and over the last couple of months, she was saying some ridiculous things but we thought it was just because she is blind and wasn't really waking from a dream properly. Now we wonder if that was just our wishful thinking! Over the last few days mum has become really nasty and refuses to believe anything we say. She thinks the doctors are poisoning her food and drink and therefore she won't eat or drink or take her usual meds. She appears to really hate me. It's very hurtful. I haven't got the answers for you but wanted to say hello and also say that I really do appreciate how hard this is for you.
Hi Sharon,

That sounds very upsetting. You also seem to be describing my life :( I hope things improve for you all very soon.

Ellie x