My mother - aged 87, has lived a fulfilling and independent life until this year when her "forgetfulness" developed into a severe short term memory loss / early Alzheimer's onset as diagnosed by the Memory Clinic. She has been prescribed Aricept. Additionally, she has been living with breast cancer for 5 years, the disease's progress being kept in check with medication. However, a severe infection and 2-week hospital stay made her dementia worse. She returned home and was provided with carer visits 3 times/day to supervise eating and taking medication. She increasingly became more confused and depressed, feeling socially isolated. The carers were not there to provide social contact. She was anxious about being on her own at night and frequently telephoned me or my sister in a state of confusion / distress. We tried to see her daily, and always at weekends.
A second bout of infection and another hospital stay has set her back further. On recovery, discussions with social workers indicated her need for full time care, and we decided to place her into residential care.
The home is very nice and close to where I and my sister live. Her dementia is characterised by short term memory loss only, and she is fully aware of her situation. However she resents being in care, and is very depressed and angry with my sister and I, and she refuses to acknowledge her care needs. As a family we've discussed all options with her many times (she can not recall these discussions), yet she refuses to settle into her new surroundings. Things are made worse by some of the other residents needing much more care than my mother, and her seeing this adds to her anxiety. The Doctor has put her on Valium to calm her down.
My sister and I feel very guilty about the course of action we've taken. She won't live with me (my wife and I work full time travelling abroad frequently, and my daughters are in full-time education), and my sister is reluctant to quit her career to look after our mother full-time.
Our original first choice of care home won't take her because they don't have facilities for caring for residents showing early onset of Alzheimer's, and where she is now is the best option we've found.
How can we be sure we're doing the right thing? We both feel very saddened and guilty at putting my mother into a care home. Is there an alternative? What should be asking from the home? How can we deal with her depression?
A second bout of infection and another hospital stay has set her back further. On recovery, discussions with social workers indicated her need for full time care, and we decided to place her into residential care.
The home is very nice and close to where I and my sister live. Her dementia is characterised by short term memory loss only, and she is fully aware of her situation. However she resents being in care, and is very depressed and angry with my sister and I, and she refuses to acknowledge her care needs. As a family we've discussed all options with her many times (she can not recall these discussions), yet she refuses to settle into her new surroundings. Things are made worse by some of the other residents needing much more care than my mother, and her seeing this adds to her anxiety. The Doctor has put her on Valium to calm her down.
My sister and I feel very guilty about the course of action we've taken. She won't live with me (my wife and I work full time travelling abroad frequently, and my daughters are in full-time education), and my sister is reluctant to quit her career to look after our mother full-time.
Our original first choice of care home won't take her because they don't have facilities for caring for residents showing early onset of Alzheimer's, and where she is now is the best option we've found.
How can we be sure we're doing the right thing? We both feel very saddened and guilty at putting my mother into a care home. Is there an alternative? What should be asking from the home? How can we deal with her depression?