Anyone else experienced this feeling

[Alihares]

I have just joined the forum group as I was looking for some help.
My mom was diagnosed with dementia about 4yrs ago. She has been doing well but the past year she has declined. She is still full of joy most days but I have noticed o we recent months her change in behaviour towards me.
I’m one of four daughters, I was always close to my mom and we did lots together I would always be the one to take her shopping, days out etc. however it seems she doesn’t like me anymore. I know it’s not my mom but the disease, but she will be loving towards me three sisters but not me, she hugs them and often tells them she loves them but she does t with me.
I try and push it aside as tell myself it’s not the actions of my mom but can’t help feeling upset that she doesn’t like me much anymore.

Any advice please. I can deal
With the honest truth should it be that

Alison

 

[DeeCee7]

Hello @Alihares . The honest truth is that dementia steals away the person you knew and loved. They change, and nearly always seem to react badly to the one who has shown them the most loving care. It’s as if they cannot compute what is happening, and therefore offload and channel all their negative feelings onto you. Someone has to be blamed, and, in their thinking, it can’t be me as there’s nothing wrong with me!
It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but read through some other posts on the subject and know you are not alone. I am so sorry to hear this, and you are doing the best you can to rationalise it, it’s not your mum and the old mum would have been mortified. But it still hurts, and there’s the rub. I am glad you can still experience the joy in your interactions with her, and there will still be good times. Keep doing what you are doing, recognising and accepting that it’s not your mum behaving like this but Madame De Mentia. Have you thought about contacting Admiral Nurses? Their role is to support the carers, and you might find some good advice and support with them.
Sending you warm hugs.

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @Alihares / Alison.

It won’t make the hurt any less but what you’re experiencing is so common it`s unreal.

The absent or once a week children are golden and the one providing all the care takes all the criticism

It`s cruel and hurtful but all we can do is accept and know we are in good company

 

[Alihares]

Hello @Alihares . The honest truth is that dementia steals away the person you knew and loved. They change, and nearly always seem to react badly to the one who has shown them the most loving care. It’s as if they cannot compute what is happening, and therefore offload and channel all their negative feelings onto you. Someone has to be blamed, and, in their thinking, it can’t be me as there’s nothing wrong with me!
It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but read through some other posts on the subject and know you are not alone. I am so sorry to hear this, and you are doing the best you can to rationalise it, it’s not your mum and the old mum would have been mortified. But it still hurts, and there’s the rub. I am glad you can still experience the joy in your interactions with her, and there will still be good times. Keep doing what you are doing, recognising and accepting that it’s not your mum behaving like this but Madame De Mentia. Have you thought about contacting Admiral Nurses? Their role is to support the carers, and you might find some good advice and support with them.
Sending you warm hugs.

Thank you so much for responding, it really has helped and cemented what I was thinking. It is good to hear from others.

 

[Alihares]

Welcome @Alihares / Alison.

It won’t make the hurt any less but what you’re experiencing is so common it`s unreal.

The absent or once a week children are golden and the one providing all the care takes all the criticism

It`s cruel and hurtful but all we can do is accept and know we are in good company

Thank you for responding, it has helped a lot.

 

[Angel55]

Hello 💗

It is as the other posters have said sadly and yes it does hurt our feelings.

We know deep down it is the illness but my goodness it is hard to bear sometimes,

I hope you will take the comfort of the replies with you into tomorrow. xx

 

[Alihares]

Hi.

Thank you the comments I have received are so helpful. I’m glad I joined xx

 

[Cardinal]

As others have said, your mom knows something is wrong and in her head it’s not her, so it must be someone else. She is going to look at the person she sees the most and who does the most for her as the source of her problems. Also because you need to help her with things, when she sees you, you may be a reminder to her that she can no longer handle everything by herself. When your sisters visit, because they don’t help as much, she views them as someone to have a friendly visit with, without being reminded that she needs help with things.

An odd way of looking at this is, the person she feels angry towards is the person she recognizes as helping her the most.