any experience of this please

barbara h

Registered User
Feb 15, 2008
96
county durham
My mam's deteriation has continued since her fall two weeks ago. On tuesday she wasn't very responsive and didn't open her eyes and still not eating or drinking. The care home called the doctor and he visited her yesterday by which time she was even worse. He said she was in the end stages and there was nothing he could do but let her go peacefully but he couldn't tell us how long it would be (we had decided in her end of life plan that we didn't want her fed intraveniously). My sister rang me at work to tell me and obviously i was very upset and cried a lot.

Today when my sister rang the care home they said she has opened her eyes she has talked a little bit although utter nonsense and drank and eaten a little. We just can't imagine that she can bounce back from this and are still fearing the worst. Is this what usually happens near the end an emotional roller coaster.

Can anyone help who has had similar experience.

Love
barbara h
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
Barbara
I don't think anyone can answer that one,every case is different.
Ican only tell you thathe time between my wife becoming very much worse and the time that we lost her was only 2 weeks.
Hope this helps
Norman
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya Barbara,
As Norman says...everyone is different. My mum suffered a chest infection and she stopped eating and drinking. She rallied from it and ate very little....The manageress from the NH said that she wasnt eating sufficient to sustain her for long....in fact she soon lost her appetite again. The body cannot last long without fluids.....days rather than weeks. The Nurses tried to give mum fluids using a syringe, but it made her gag...we asked them to stop, and just keep her lips moist and her mouth clean with swabs. She died less than three weeks after the first infection.

It is such a difficult time....not knowing what is going to happen...how quickly it will happen.
Thinking of you and your mum Barbara.
Love Helen
 

rhallacroz

Registered User
Sep 24, 2007
106
merseyside
HI Barbara
Who can say how long a piece of string is. My dad has been in your mums state twice in the last 12 months and is still here today. He is much better gone back to the day centre and back to his old self. Who knows what the body has in store for us. We must take each day one at a time. My dad recently went for a week hardly drinking for 3 or 4 days lost 2 stone in 5 weeks. I really thought this was it . Yet here we are 4 months down the line he is eating and drinking etc etc.
We do not know what is in store for us we just have to take each day as it comes.
Try to be strong i know others have said it is a roller coaster but hwo knows.
|Take care of yourself and protect yourself.
If you know what I mean unless you look after yourself you can;t care for anyone else.
Angela x
 

citybythesea

Registered User
Mar 23, 2008
632
53
coast of texas
Barbara,

I agree with everyone and you. This will be an emotional rollercoaster. Mom has been up and down several times. We have had weeks where I could barely get her to eat enough to feed a fly. Days when she barely drank. But she rallies. We are at the point where hospice has taken over and they have given me a list of things that a dying person goes thru before they die. Some things mom has done others her body has yet to do. Time will only tell, my suggestion to you is for you to do what it takes for you to be calm and understanding...for you to stay emotionally attached. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.


HUGS

Nancy
 

andrear

Registered User
Feb 13, 2008
402
Yorkshire
HI Barbara

Just over 12 months ago we thought it was the end for my mum, she couldn't eat, drink etc. all she did was sleep, but not in a deep sleep. We were told then to expect the worst, but we are still here with her now, and when the consultants told us she had about 12 months I have constantly been on edge ever since. She hardly eats and there are days when I can't get a piece of food into her, but she does respond well to fluids.

Today I take her for another xray to see where the tumours are now coming from. She just seems to have find that inner strength and I really don't know where it comes from.

You need that strength now to look after yourself in all of this and my thoughts are with you. You must be in a total turmoil.
Love Andrea
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya Nancy,
I wonder if it might be a good idea to share some of the contents of that list.....I know that when mum was dying i felt lost because i didnt know what changes to look for...maybe you could start a new thread in the 'Dealing with Loss' section....just an idea.
Love Helen
 

Mameeskye

Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
1,669
56
NZ
Hi Barbara

It is a really tough time isn't it.

I have had a number of occasions over Mum's last years when I have been told that this is it.

The truth is that no one knows. My Mum rallied more than once, but from last October, because of the noticeable increase in number nad severity of the TIA we were living on a knife edge.

Mum was a good eater. But in the last three weeks of her life this slowly stopped. She would try but was just excessively tired and could fall asleep while eating or forget what to do with the food in her mouth. You could count how many mouthfuls she ate on one hand. Cups of tea which she had loved all her life became problematical and her interest in these wained. I don't think that she drank more than a couple of sips from each cup in the last fortnight. Four days before she died I managed to get her to drink a full ensure after she roused from yet another TIA. That was her last drink. The next two days she slept, on the third she was awake but unseeing and on the fourth she slipped peacefully away. This was how it happened for me.

It may be that the fall has "rattled" your Mum slightly and that she will come back for a while, it may be the start of the downhill slope, she suddenly may cease to eat and drink.

No one knows the length of that string but to all of you still living through that tortuous time my heart goes out to you. It is too long a string and too short a string at the same time.

Love and (((((hugs)))))

Mameeskye
 

barbara h

Registered User
Feb 15, 2008
96
county durham
Thanks for all your replies it's good to hear from people who are going or have been through this turmoil. I have visited mam tonight and they have managed to get her to eat a little she keeps fighting the carers off when they are trying to feed her. My sister and i tried tonight but she did the same to us although we did manage to get some orange juice into her. Her eyes are still shut most of the time and we cannot understand a word she is saying as she just mumbles in her own way.

How do i get the link to the website you mentioned nancy?

love
barbara h
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya Barbara,
Sent you pm with same info....then thought I should have posted it on thread. Nancy has started a thread 'When Death is Near' that has a link to the website.
Love Helen
 

citybythesea

Registered User
Mar 23, 2008
632
53
coast of texas
..the link

Barbara I hope you were able to find the website. Hospice has helped my family before and as I realize that you are in the UK maybe some american help can come of it. The link is specific as to what may happen before death....I hate to say that. We really don't know how long a person can go on. Anyways if you follow the link back home it has some very wonderful reading on caregiving and if you drop to the bottom of the page it has some links that are very useful to help with coming to terms with our ultimate journey for our loved one. Your in my thoughts.


HUGS

Nancy