Any advice welcome

[Gayle175]

Hi,
I am new to this page and hoping for any advice.
My dad has been diagnosed with dementia and Alzheimers.
Recently he has started hiding things in very random places. This is normally keys, phones, remote controls. He has also started ripping pages from books or cutting them with scissors.
Does anyone have any ideas how to manage this? The nurse said to confront him, but this made things worse as then got worried people were coming into the house and stealing things. He also got very cross and upset when we gently suggested it might have been him that misplaced them.
Thank you

 

[Kevinl]

Hello and welcome
As a former nurse myself (many years ago) wife a nurse and mum too, I think the so called nurse is talking out of her rectum, sorry just my opinion.
Just for reference I've been a member of the site for years, wife and mum had dementia of varying kinds.
K

 

[canary]

Hi @Gayle175

Im afraid that what you are seeing is absolutely classic dementia.
Your dad is in a loop -

He gets confused and puts things in an unusual place. He then forgets and cannot find them. He is totally unaware that it is he himself that has done this - it is a symptom of dementia that they lose insight and do not believe that they have changed at all. So he is certain that isnt him and someone else has done it. As he cant find the objects he concludes that someone must have come in and stolen them. So he "puts things away safely" in places that the thief wont find. He then forgets and thinks they have been stolen.....

It is almost impossible to get them out of this loop. It took me a while to work out what was happening with mum - I even changed all the locks so that the "thief" couldnt get in, but mum then thought they were getting in through the letter box!!!

I wouldnt draw attention to this. He wont believe that it is himself that is doing it, agreeing with him that someone is coming in and stealing will make him more anxious and doing things like changing the locks may well reenforce the delusion.

I found the best thing was to make neutral noises along the "oh dear" line and just say "I expect it will turn up". Then distract her. After a while I learned some of her hiding places, but it was only when I cleared her bungalow that I discovered the full extent of the bizarre places that she had hidden things.

BTW, mum didnt cut pages out of books, but she did cut up her bedding. I have no idea why

 

[Kevinl]

Confrontation doesn't work in my view, fight all the battles you want but you loose the war.
Confrontation can lead to alienation, no win scenario, canary has given you better advise that I ever could.
Thank you. K

 

[Collywobbles]

Very much agree with previous posters. You could be describing my Mum with the losing/stealing/hiding scenario. We still don’t know where on earth she was hiding things. So much has gone missing without a trace, that we have a horrible suspicion her “safe place” was the dustbin! She doesn’t have a thing for cutting paper with scissors, but if you give her something made from paper to put in the recycling, she’ll spend ages meticulously tearing it into tiny pieces.

With the paper, we’ve found it best to leave her to do it. Attempts to make her stop (because the bits end up going everywhere like confetti) make her angry and she just carries on anyway. In your Dad’s case, could you get a good supply of ‘sacrificial’ books from charity shops for a few pence? The he can cut them up to his heart’s content.

My Mum’s worry about stealing was more difficult and we just had to wait for it to pass. It did after a couple of years, but that followed a formal diagnosis when she was prescribed some medication. Could you mention it to your Dad’s GP? It might be a signpost that more needs to be done. My Mum’s is open to communication by email - you telling them information, isn’t a breach of confidentiality for them.

But please do ignore the nurse. There’s absolutely no point confronting or contradicting a person with dementia. Their brain is convinced that the world is the way they perceive it. Tackling it head-on will just cause upset and mistrust. Deflect, distract and be sympathetic but neutral. Try to keep copies of keys, chequebooks, bank cards etc., well out of sight and if possible, in a place where your Dad can’t find them.

 

[Chizz]

I've been told @Gayle175 that there is such a "thing" as a PWD tearing up tissues or magazines in some form of anger or frustration. My OH had a spell where she'd sit and shred tissues. Thinking back, I don't think the phase lasted too long.
Maybe cutting up things (clothes, bed covers, etc) is just a n extreme extension of tearing things up. It will pass, hopefully without any self injury.
Best wishes