Hi, my mum has dementia and for about a year is convinced that two family members she hasn't seen for years, are breaking in and wandering around the house all night. She has a new front porch door, a new lock on the inside door and two new bolts. However she still believes they are getting in. I suggested a security stick that you prop against the door although I know when that is in place she will still hear them. Can anyone offer any advice on what I can say to her? She is very agitated and I'm just not sure what to say anymore to make it better for her. Thank you
Any advice on how to reassure
- Thread starter 390anna
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Hi @390anna and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. I am sorry to hear about your mum and the stress that this is causing. This sort of thing seems very common but also very hard to deal with. When my wife had similar, unfounded fears all I could do was hear her out then try to get away with not addressing them directly. A grunt was sometimes enough to acknowledge what she said but at other times I was accused (fairly) of not taking her seriously...
My mum thought that her ex-cleaner had stolen her keys and was coming in and stealing things. In reality mum was moving things around and hiding them herself, but she didnt remember doing it, so blamed her cleaner that she had fired. I did the same as you - changed all the locks etc, but mum was still convinced that she was coming in. One day I asked her how the cleaner could possibly be getting in asher locks were changed and the cleaner didnt have keys and mum told me that the cleaner must be coming in through the letter box!! If I had put cameras up Im sure that she still wouldnt believe it and come up with some "reason" why the cameras didnt show her.
Unfortunately, trying to convince someone with dementia that their delusions are untrue is doomed to failure, because they are utterly sure that they are right and logic/reasoning no longer works. "Love lies" like the sort offered by granny g and jessbow usually work better. Eventually the delusion will pass, but be warned that it is usually followed by something else......
Unfortunately, trying to convince someone with dementia that their delusions are untrue is doomed to failure, because they are utterly sure that they are right and logic/reasoning no longer works. "Love lies" like the sort offered by granny g and jessbow usually work better. Eventually the delusion will pass, but be warned that it is usually followed by something else......
Dear canary, thank you for telling me your story. You are right, I made the mistake about a year ago. I was adamant no one was getting in and my mum wouldn't speak to me for three weeks which was very stressful as I was so worried. I now agree with her and don't doubt a word she says. The voices started over 3 years ago when she was hearing my nan who had died 10 years before. She then ended up in hospital for 2 weeks with pneumonia and seemed ok for a little while afterwards. The delusions are getting much worse now.
I have 2 small children as well to look after and feel like my head is going to explode sometimes! I then feel guilty that I'm not able to be there for my mum all the time, even though I know it's impossible for anyone to do that!
I'd like to thank everyone for their time to offer advice, it's good to know that there are people who can help.
I have 2 small children as well to look after and feel like my head is going to explode sometimes! I then feel guilty that I'm not able to be there for my mum all the time, even though I know it's impossible for anyone to do that!
I'd like to thank everyone for their time to offer advice, it's good to know that there are people who can help.
