Thank you for sending this link to my inbox and reminding me you are out there, and greetings and love to all who post on here and are bracing themselves for whatever they are facing.
I lost my mum last new year’s day - this time last year the sheltered accommodation threw in the towel - I kept asking if they could manage as I didn‘t think they were - Mum became very poorly and after a nightmare week of A and E trips, not handled at all well by any professionals involved, on the Friday evening before Christmas Eve Mum transferred to a nursing home - fast-tracked for end of life care, again with some nightmares including us being put under pressure to move her there in our car. We refused, because she was too poorly, and it took four paramedics/carers to carry her along the corridor and down the stairs because the stretcher wouldn’t fit in the lift. I could go on relating other problems that week, but sadly I am sure everyone reading has stories enough like this to tell.
I went down with a cold on Christmas Eve, after visiting Mum, and couldn’t visit again for several days in case it was covid. The home said she was sitting out on those days, although she couldn’t sit up when I last saw her in her flat, and couldn’t again when I got to the home, although I know people can have a last rally, but knowing that possibility hasn’t helped with the guilt of not seeing her last Christmas Day, especially when I came across the unopened Christmas card I wrote for her and didn‘t give her.
This year my partner’s mother has moved into a care home - last week, initially for respite, but it is clear she will no longer be able to cope more independently. She is very unhappy about it and complaining a lot. My partner is staying in her house to support her and deal with other practicalities. He was due to come home for Christmas but I have covid and with his mother unvaccinated (a long story) we may have to spend Christmas apart as he will need to go back soon after to continue to deal with urgent house repairs and extending the respite care, if his mother will agree - still some uncertainty about her capacity so can’t just override her wishes.
I’m so sorry this sounds like I am feeling very self-pitying and I am tempted to delete this post, but I needed to get it off my chest, and I hope folk will understand - it has been such an unsettling time and we don’t feel like we have come up for air much, what with our own house repair problems as well - I have many things to be thankful for so it’s not all doom and gloom, but as other people have said, grief can come in unexpected waves, when you think you have turned a corner.
Thinking of everyone who is facing an uncertain Christmas and thank you to all who have posted gentle ways in which they have remembered their loved ones on their anniversaries. It helps a lot.
Sending blessings and love to all
I lost my mum last new year’s day - this time last year the sheltered accommodation threw in the towel - I kept asking if they could manage as I didn‘t think they were - Mum became very poorly and after a nightmare week of A and E trips, not handled at all well by any professionals involved, on the Friday evening before Christmas Eve Mum transferred to a nursing home - fast-tracked for end of life care, again with some nightmares including us being put under pressure to move her there in our car. We refused, because she was too poorly, and it took four paramedics/carers to carry her along the corridor and down the stairs because the stretcher wouldn’t fit in the lift. I could go on relating other problems that week, but sadly I am sure everyone reading has stories enough like this to tell.
I went down with a cold on Christmas Eve, after visiting Mum, and couldn’t visit again for several days in case it was covid. The home said she was sitting out on those days, although she couldn’t sit up when I last saw her in her flat, and couldn’t again when I got to the home, although I know people can have a last rally, but knowing that possibility hasn’t helped with the guilt of not seeing her last Christmas Day, especially when I came across the unopened Christmas card I wrote for her and didn‘t give her.
This year my partner’s mother has moved into a care home - last week, initially for respite, but it is clear she will no longer be able to cope more independently. She is very unhappy about it and complaining a lot. My partner is staying in her house to support her and deal with other practicalities. He was due to come home for Christmas but I have covid and with his mother unvaccinated (a long story) we may have to spend Christmas apart as he will need to go back soon after to continue to deal with urgent house repairs and extending the respite care, if his mother will agree - still some uncertainty about her capacity so can’t just override her wishes.
I’m so sorry this sounds like I am feeling very self-pitying and I am tempted to delete this post, but I needed to get it off my chest, and I hope folk will understand - it has been such an unsettling time and we don’t feel like we have come up for air much, what with our own house repair problems as well - I have many things to be thankful for so it’s not all doom and gloom, but as other people have said, grief can come in unexpected waves, when you think you have turned a corner.
Thinking of everyone who is facing an uncertain Christmas and thank you to all who have posted gentle ways in which they have remembered their loved ones on their anniversaries. It helps a lot.
Sending blessings and love to all
