1. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    115
    I came home yesterday to a letter from 3 school boys (aged about 7). It read Dear e's mummy we are so sorry for shouting cruel and nasty names at you at the school gates.

    I marched to school to find out what this was about. Apparently my mil went to school to say hello to my little girl at break time and was talking and saying hi through the school railings.

    3 boys shouted fat cow and nutter to her and said you are a crazy woman. My little girl was there and heard everything and was so devastated.
    She now doesn't want to go out at playtime (she's 5). She did tell the boys that her nanny was ill.

    I am so angry firstly at the boys but more at the parents. We live in a village and my mil is known. She loves kids and spent her entire life looking after them and she would have been a little upset (if momentarily) The language they used was very adult and I now think it's their parents they've heard this from.
    My poor daughter is so upset it's making my blood boil.

    The school is the route between her house and the shops and I'm not going to ask her to change the walking route.
    Not looking for any advice just need to rant.

    This came after having some good news they are going to try medication with her and the dementia whilst has got worse is not declining too quickly. They now think she has Alzheimer's rather than ftd. I know it's not fantastic news but its something.
     
  2. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    1,955
    At least the lads were encouraged to see the error of their ways and to write a proper apology for it. The parents of those boys have obviously given them a talking to and hopefully they'll be much kinder and more polite in the future. They're probably too young to understand fully how unkind their behaviour actually was.

    I'm sorry about your distress and your daughter's distress. I think you have more allies amongst the parents than you might realise - hope so anyway.
     
  3. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    I totally agree with Also Confused response. The children at 6 or 7 have no understanding of dementia, and sadly they say what they think.

    Maybe the school could use dementia as part of their PHSE teaching of understanding others.

    Sending a hug J x
     
  4. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,781
    Salford
    As a very young child if I ever laughed or commented on any of the strange thing my granny did or said I got a big smack round the head, I'm not saying this was right (it wasn't then and it isn't now),however, it is in the nature of children to behave this way, we have as parents to educate them out of their bad ways.
    I wouldn't want a child's record which will stay with them possibly for life to be stigmatised by having a "hate crime" held against them for the immature actions they did as a 5 year old. It's very regrettable but until someone can make children straight from the womb take an adult attitude to things (and this will never happen) I think it will always happen.
    Likewise people with AZ behave inappropriately sometimes and we expect society to understand their limited capacity and let social conventions go and accept their behaviour, it's a quid pro quo thing if you can't accept children behaving in an immature way then why should society accept someone with AZ doing the same?
    My wife met our son's partner for the first time and greeted her with comments about her weight and ethnic origin that I won't repeat on here, fortunately she understood my wife has the mind of a child and let it go, if anyone has the right to have the mind of a child surely it will be a child.
    I understand what you're saying but does anyone have a solution, if you expect children to behave as adults they why not expect someone with AZ to behave as an adult.
    K
     
  5. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    115
    I agree the boys possibly didn't know what they were doing. One little boy apparently said that his mummy said she was a nutter and he shouldn't go near her.

    I can on,y trust my little girl on this and whilst she very sensible and reasonably reliable she's only 5 and half.

    I know people talk about us at school because the first thing most of the mums ask is how's your mum in law. Thankfully most people are kind but some really are ignorant.
     
  6. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,178
    Female
    Chester
    I really don't think you can take a 7 year old saying ' my mummy said' as gospel. My daughter was incessantly bullied by a 'best' friend who from year 2 to year 5 said to her mum that N said that her mum said that I'm not nice because. I'd get a phone call from the mum and deny saying it, then my daughter would be called a liar etc. when the child had made it up to support herself.

    Young children are desperate to fit in, and be the same and anything is odd is viewed with apprehension. This is less obvious in reception but by year 1 or 2 it is and this boy may well be reflecting this in his behaviour.

    Just talking to a relative at the fence when other children don't have family there can cause upset as other children may get jealous and so the school may well object to your mum talking to your daughter through the fence in anycase. This is not dementia related but for your daughter's benefit. If she is by the fence she is not part of the playground and interacting with the other children, and part of the aim of reception and KS1 curriculum is to help children interact with their peers.
     
  7. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    115
    But the word 'nutter' is not a child's vocabulary. I used to teach kids this age and never once have I heard fat cow and nutter being spoken.

    My mil looks very young and not like an old lady until she opens her mouth. People who don't know think she is bit odd. They don't understand that she has dementia as she looks like she's a few yrs older than me (I'm 38).
    I really think there is a parent behind this behaviour
     
  8. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    As this incident happened in school, why not talk to the headteacher. I agree this behaviour is totally out of order and very upsetting for all concerned. When I was teaching, I would have been happy to talk to the little boys about appropriate behaviour and language, and frequently did!

    They may have heard the language at home from parents or older siblings, not necessarily in relation to your mil. Hopefully, mil is none the wiser.

    As far as your daughter is concerned I think a chat about their ignorance and lack of understanding, because she knows her gran and how lovely she is, but they aren't as aware as she is and she understands.

    Just my thoughts. X
     
  9. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,586
    Female
    Dundee
    As a retired primary headteacher I totally echo Jan's thoughts. I think an appointment with the head would be a very good way to go. Teachers have lots of strategies for dealing with inappropriate or unkind behaviour in class or in the playground and I'm sure the head and class teacher could come up with a strategy.
     
  10. Oxy

    Oxy Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    957
    I fully empathise with your anger especially as you are upset at the comments made by these kids about her granny.
    Clearly these boys have been reprimanded by someone as otherwise you would never have received the letter of apology. I am sure writing this was no enjoyment for them.
    Unfortunately this language is used by children of this age these days and in fact far worse can be heard. They are apes and utilise the lingo of their environment which is sad and does not say much for their upbringing.
    I would let it rest and only act if there is a repeat. I would however mention the effect it has had on your little girl to the teacher and add that you assume they have learnt that this is wrong. As someone else said, the dementia issue needs to be included in curriculum. Maybe someone who is trained from Alzheimer's Soc could give a talk in assembly as a starter for lessons.
    Hope that all will be laid to rest.
    As far as parents go- some are just big kids themselves of poor intellect from not the best homes and let's face it-there is no vetting as to who should be a parent! Please try to ignore these ignoramuses. Easier said than done. Best wishes to all in your family.
     
  11. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,586
    Female
    Dundee
  12. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    Totally agree that a word with the Head is a good idea and getting someone in to talk to the children would be very beneficial. After all, how many more of your daughter's classmates are going to have a grandparent develop this evil condition?

    Thank goodness your daughter feels close enough to you to talk about this. It's a great testimony to your parenting, Kingy. I was bullied horribly at primary school from the age of 6 to 11 when I left to go to grammar school. Although my parents were always very loving I found it hard to articulate what was going on because it wasn't as specific as what your daughter has suffered. I can honestly say that the bullying has blighted my life to the point where I struggle to trust in relationships. I also think it contributed to my not wanting to have children, because I suffered so much at the hands of children myself.

    Keep talking to her and encourage her to rise above it. At least you've been made aware right at the start and can do damage limitation.
     
  13. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    115
    Thank you everybody. I will make my daughters teacher aware but I'm not going to mention it to her again.
    As for my mil she's got no recollection of the event anyway.
     
  14. Tara62

    Tara62 Registered User

    I realise that it's off the point of this thread, but this strikes such a chord with me, Suzanna. I also believe that this is one of the reasons why I never wanted children. I've never heard anyone else say this, before you!
     
  15. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    115
    Not all kids are bad I've taught so many great ones over the years. I'm proud to say my 5 yr old is a sensible girl who lots of people like.

    It's adults who make kids bad, no one is born bad
     

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