Well, my life has been a whirlwind since 21st March when Mum went into hospital for assessment, after wandering overnight.
She is now entering her 5th week of being in a residential home. I go away for a week tomorrow which has been booked since before Christmas, and over the last 3 months I have seriously worried that I would ever make the holiday (and boy am I ready for it!!). But today I went to see her (I go 5 times a week and miss her like crazy when I don't see her)......she had seen me through the window parking up and had dragged somebody to open the door for me, I took her a card in which I had written to remind her I was going away, that if ever she thought of me I'd be thinking of her, and so on and so forth.
After a lovely visit, she waved me off until I couldn't see her any more, and as I drove away, it hit me, she has settled, she still packs all her stuff up to go home, but is becoming quite territorial about her room, we don't tantrums or tears, rants or raves, and that for every time I hear her tell me how unhappy she is "they are all mad in here......"
I catch sight of her being happy and contented (if not a little bored).
And I began to breathe out and I continued to breathe out for what seemed like ages.......for the first time in 3 months!! So my message is, there is light at the end of the tunnel, we can only do what we believe to be the very best for our loved one, and when we waiver, we have to focus on what we are doing and why......I have wrestled with my guilt and "what ifs........" but I see now how absolutely necessary it was to continue for the right reasons and not give in due to heartache.
My Mum won't miss me as half as much as I will miss her, and I know she will pick her card up and read it from time to time, and know then why I aren't there. And that makes me know that I can walk away for a week, keeping her in my heart every second, and have some me time, without guilt.
xx
She is now entering her 5th week of being in a residential home. I go away for a week tomorrow which has been booked since before Christmas, and over the last 3 months I have seriously worried that I would ever make the holiday (and boy am I ready for it!!). But today I went to see her (I go 5 times a week and miss her like crazy when I don't see her)......she had seen me through the window parking up and had dragged somebody to open the door for me, I took her a card in which I had written to remind her I was going away, that if ever she thought of me I'd be thinking of her, and so on and so forth.
After a lovely visit, she waved me off until I couldn't see her any more, and as I drove away, it hit me, she has settled, she still packs all her stuff up to go home, but is becoming quite territorial about her room, we don't tantrums or tears, rants or raves, and that for every time I hear her tell me how unhappy she is "they are all mad in here......"
I catch sight of her being happy and contented (if not a little bored).And I began to breathe out and I continued to breathe out for what seemed like ages.......for the first time in 3 months!! So my message is, there is light at the end of the tunnel, we can only do what we believe to be the very best for our loved one, and when we waiver, we have to focus on what we are doing and why......I have wrestled with my guilt and "what ifs........" but I see now how absolutely necessary it was to continue for the right reasons and not give in due to heartache.
My Mum won't miss me as half as much as I will miss her, and I know she will pick her card up and read it from time to time, and know then why I aren't there. And that makes me know that I can walk away for a week, keeping her in my heart every second, and have some me time, without guilt.
xx
