Am i wrong wanting it to be over

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by DIANE69, Dec 29, 2014.

  1. DIANE69

    DIANE69 Registered User

    Jan 7, 2014
    45
    wirral
    Husband Tony not been well for a two weeks but really deteriorated since last night.Not been awake at all and not taken any fluids. DN came this am and Oxygen sats at 80%.They contacted DR who finally came 20 mins ago.Temp of 38.1 thinks a chest infection so lets try more AB shall we. When I asked if they would do any good he said probably not but we have to try.As he got to the door said you realize hes only got days.Well at least a bit of honesty at last.According to the Dr on Christmas Eve no sign of infection no cause for concern.He has a hospital bed in the front room with the Christmas tree in the corner.I sit and watch his breathing expecting every one to be the last.Is it so wrong to wish it would end.Tomorrow I am told we shall have a driver to ensure he gets all that he needs.Why can they not understand that what we need is peace.
     
  2. rajahh

    rajahh Registered User

    Aug 29, 2008
    2,794
    Hertfordshire
    I used to pray for my husband to die, so No I believe it is not wrong for you to wish it was over.

    I am so sorry you are living with this nightmare.

    Love Jeannette
     
  3. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    No you are not wrong. You are being honest. My Husband had back to back infections and so I know how terrible that is to watch. The sleepiness, and in the case of chest infections, the shallow, quick breathing. The GP's have a code of conduct so I don't think they can't prescribe AB's. (I may be wrong).

    Yes you need peace and |I hope it comes to you and your Husband

    Love

    Lyn T XX
     
  4. angelface

    angelface Registered User

    Oct 8, 2011
    1,086
    london
    It can't be wrong to wish the agony over. The part where you are watching each breath is dreadful.
    Wishing you strength and peace.
     
  5. starryuk

    starryuk Registered User

    Nov 8, 2012
    1,300
    No it is not wrong. It must be unbearable. I remember sitting with my mum for days and days and how horrendous it was. Much worse for me than for her I believe/hope.

    How lovely that you are both together, though, at home, with the Christmas tree. You are giving your OH a good and comfortable passing. Try and take some comfort from that and knowing that it will end.

    I am so sorry.
     
  6. minxie

    minxie Registered User

    Dec 29, 2014
    10
    Hi Diane,
    how awful for you both I do hope you get peace very soon, god bless you both xx
     
  7. mabbs

    mabbs Registered User

    Dec 1, 2014
    238
    Lancashire
    Hi Diane
    My heart goes out to you, I sat with my Dad, nearly 20 years ago, and I know what you are feeling, its not wrong to wish it would end, because you know his suffering will be over. He will be at peace.

    Mabbs
     
  8. katehh16

    katehh16 Registered User

    Feb 21, 2014
    33
    derbyshire
    Diane, I had not realised when you so kindly offered me your kind words yesterday that you were so close to your own loss.
    I don't know if it helps but earlier this week I was sitting with Mum as you are doing with your husband......Smooth radio was playing, Christmas tree up and sunshine streaming through the window. I have laughed with her, cried with her, and talked absolute rubbish to her about total trivia. I have held her hand, climbed on the bed and hugged her ......and told her I didn't want her to leave me, but accepted that she must, and 'given her permission' to let go and stop struggling.
    As you say, intervention at this stage appears not to be prolonging life, but actually prolonging death, which I'm sure none of us would choose. I hope that your husbands journey is short, peaceful and dignified, and I wish you courage and strength over this terrible time.
     
  9. sunray

    sunray Registered User

    Sep 21, 2008
    1,429
    Female
    East Coast of Australia
    Those last days are so hard. I was with Ray up to 15 hours a day in the nursing home for the last three days of his journey and still missed the end as I had gone home for some fresh clothes. I am glad in a way as I am sure I could not have watched him taking that last breath.

    Your thoughts are your thoughts, we all think that even if we do not say it out loud. With Mum and Ray I prayed for the end to be peaceful, for them to lose the battle between one breath and the next and according to the attending nurses that was how it was.

    (((hugs))) from Sue.
     
  10. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,945
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm sorry I missed your thread yesterday.

    No it can't be wrong to wish for peace for your husband.

    It must be so hard for you. Wishing you strength. x
     
  11. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    Still thinking of you Dianne

    Love,

    Lyn T XX
     
  12. keywest67

    keywest67 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2012
    169
    Coventry
    Hi, I am so sorry to hear of your situation, I was in this position with Dad around 5weeks ago, he was put on end of life care after having another stroke and he had aspiration pneumonia and dementia, he was 76.
    Like you I just wanted it to be over and it took 9 days without food or fluids for him to go.....he was not really conscious although there were little spells where he opened his eyes........I just talked to him, told him everything was ok and he could go and I loved him, it was the worst thing possible to see him like this but I think (hope) it was worst for us than him, when he died it was a relief but of course I am missing him so much, thinking of you and wishing your husband a peaceful passing x
     
  13. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,475
    Radcliffe on Trent
    Thinking of you woth love and sympathy xxx
     
  14. DIANE69

    DIANE69 Registered User

    Jan 7, 2014
    45
    wirral
    Thank you all for your support.I sat up till 4.00 then fell asleep on the settee which I had pulled up along side of Tonys bed.I have just washed his face and hands and was rewarded with a muttered " bloody hell" his first words for 2 days.Even as a child -oldest of 5 I was always the sensible one who just coped with everything,the one who you came to to sort things out but at the moment all I want to do is sit and cry.I will give myself 5 minutes before putting my coping face back on.District nurses due to come soon and I can not remember where I have put the notes.I don't know how I am going to get through this.Tony was born with a paralysed arm and bad leg had multiple operations as a child and was given the last rights more than once but he always pulled through somehow.He deserves all my support now and I just hope I can hold things together he hated seeing me cry and I don't want to upset him.
     
  15. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    Dianne-I'm so sorry that you had such little sleep. No wonder you are tearful. No need for a happy face in front of the DN-she's probably seen all kinds of sad faces.

    Keep posting if you want to/can. We are all here for you.

    Love

    Lyn T XX
     
  16. bluejag69

    bluejag69 Registered User

    Oct 3, 2014
    67
    Diane. , you are an amazing lady and he will be proud of you. I am so sorry you are goin through this and I hope you have good friends and family around you.

    There's nothing wrong with wanting your loved 1 to not be suffering. My dad has just moved into a home and seeing some of the poor souls in there, I don't want to see my dad like that and am weirdly hoping something else takes him before he suffers much longer.

    I wish you lots of love and peace xxx
     
  17. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,108
    hertfordshire
    I am sorry to hear you are going through this terrible time with your husband, thoughts are with you both xx

    Ange
     
  18. katehh16

    katehh16 Registered User

    Feb 21, 2014
    33
    derbyshire
    Sending hugs and thinking of you both
     
  19. blandford516

    blandford516 Registered User

    May 16, 2012
    262
    Hi Dianne,

    Please do not feel guilty because you want the suffering to be over . Be strong and we are all thinking of you at this time . x
     
  20. angelicatoo

    angelicatoo Registered User

    May 17, 2014
    15
    Plymouth
    No Guilt

    You only want what they would want for themselves, peace, there is no fault in that, no guilt necessary. Duration of life over quality is not a goal to aim for in my book. Take care x
     

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