Am I going mad or is mum sick?

[Saskiawarrilow]

I have been concerned about mum for a number of years. Family members and friends of hers have voiced concerns. Mum is dutch and it is becoming more noticeable that she struggles to find the right words. But she has lived in the uk far longer than the netherlands and her english is perfect.

In summary

- she forgot my wedding day. Where we were, who went, how many guests. It was a covid wedding so very different and stand out. My parents have since said well they didnt have much input to the wedding and mum was focused on talking so wasnt taking in details…. I think this is a rubbish excuse.

- couldnt remember whether she had been to my cousins wedding two weeks after it had happened.

- laughs off a lot of things she forgets, cant follow in conversation. She also needs a hearing test.

- repeats stories the same day or a few days later.

- finds cooking and making drinks hard to stick with. Actually doesnt really cook.

- cries a lot more than usual and is quicker to anger.

She has had two memory tests with her doctor and both times she has scored 27/30 so the doctor has said she’s fine.

I cant shake my gut and what others are saying to me. But dad says shes fine and makes excuses and so does the doctor.

I dont know what to do. I feel like im going mad and I dont was to upset her.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @Saskiawarrilow and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I can see from your post why you might be worried about your mum. Many people with dementia can and do pass memory tests, the trouble is that people can have a form of dementia but at the beginning their memory will be relatively OK. The other issue is that the doctor only sees the patient for a few minutes.

I would suggest that you make a bullet list of all of the issues that are concerning you, as detailed above, and email it to your mum's doctor stating why you are concerned and asking for your mum to be referred to the local memory clinic.

Just another thought, did the doctor check you mum's blood etc, because there are other issues that can mimic the issues that you have outlined, for example someone going through the menopause.

It might also be an idea to ensure that all of the legal issues are up to date, for example wills and POA

 

[Saskiawarrilow]

Hello @Saskiawarrilow and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I can see from your post why you might be worried about your mum. Many people with dementia can and do pass memory tests, the trouble is that people can have a form of dementia but at the beginning their memory will be relatively OK. The other issue is that the doctor only sees the patient for a few minutes.

I would suggest that you make a bullet list of all of the issues that are concerning you, as detailed above, and email it to your mum's doctor stating why you are concerned and asking for your mum to be referred to the local memory clinic.

Just another thought, did the doctor check you mum's blood etc, because there are other issues that can mimic the issues that you have outlined, for example someone going through the menopause.

It might also be an idea to ensure that all of the legal issues are up to date, for example wills and POA

Thank you so much for your reply.

I have been speaking regularly with the doctor and emailed on a number of occasions prior to her most recent test listing everything and requesting a referral. But seemingly that isn’t being granted and no follow up appointment has been made.

Has not had a blood test but I can request that next. She is 76 so well into the menopause.

Yes I’m trying to get my dad to finish mums POA but she won’t address it.

Sorry lots of negative. I’m in such a mess over it

 

[SeaSwallow]

Thank you so much for your reply.

I have been speaking regularly with the doctor and emailed on a number of occasions prior to her most recent test listing everything and requesting a referral. But seemingly that isn’t being granted and no follow up appointment has been made.

Has not had a blood test but I can request that next. She is 76 so well into the menopause.

Yes I’m trying to get my dad to finish mums POA but she won’t address it.

Sorry lots of negative. I’m in such a mess over it

No wonder you are stressed but sometimes nothing can be done until there is a crisis. In the meantime all you can do is keep an eye on the situation.

 

[canary]

No, you are not going mad - there is something happening with your mum, but I cannot say whether or not it is dementia.

Unfortunately, if it is dementia, your mum would probably be completely unaware of her own symptoms and many spouses simply stick their heads in the sand and pretend that nothing is wrong - sometimes this is because they dont want to upset them, or because telling someone what is really happening feels like betrayal. I think it likely that there is a lot more going on that you dont know about.

The doctor cannot just refer to the memory clinic, it needs your parents consent, so it doesnt necessarily mean that the doctor is not concerned. Also, Im guessing its your dad who is reporting what the doctor said.

Eventually, if it is dementia, it will not be able to be hidden. As Sea Swallow said, it may take a crisis.