am I evil to think like this?

[garnuft]

No, Miss Merlot, I have thought the same myself, sometimes the links to being a 'carer' are so tenuous I wonder why they have posted.
What they mean by care is 'it interrupts the smooth running of my life'.

Perhaps we should have a new folder on the Forum for 'couldn't give a **** but it keeps taking the spotlight off me?'.

 

[Pheath]

Miss Merlot, while I do understand how resentful you feel at having the care role thrust on you especially as you’re still so young and even more for someone you have no loving feelings towards, I feel it’s slightly unfair to say that few of us have the same degree of honesty on this site. Many have railed against this dreadful illness and have been brought to the edge of insanity through the stress and distress of caring for a suffering relative and wishing for some end to it all. There’s not at a day that goes by when I wish things could have been different for my dad but can still make a distinction between the person and his behaviour. While the behaviour can often be dreadful or even sometimes hateful I’ve always been able to separate this from the person I still love and would do anything for. I realise if the love isn’t there this distinction is probably impossible and only hope you’re eventually able to find a way to withdraw from your MIL’s care and reclaim your life again.

 

[Hair Twiddler]

No, Miss Merlot, I have thought the same myself, sometimes the links to being a 'carer' are so tenuous I wonder why they have posted.
What they mean by care is 'it interrupts the smooth running of my life'.

Perhaps we should have a new folder on the Forum for 'couldn't give a **** but it keeps taking the spotlight off me?'.

okay...............define carer. IMO it's as long as it's short.

 

[garnuft]

It's a bit more than just interrupting the flow. Short enough?

 

[tarababe]

How about the Wicked Worts!)
Whatever it's called - count me in. I love my father to pieces and I know that when he dies I shall be devastated and miss him dreadfully but I can't count the number of times I have watched him sleeping and wished that he wouldn't wake up. Mainly for his sake - at 91 with painful inoperable carcinomas and advanced vascular dementia he can no longer walk and is dependent on others for everything - but also, if I am honest, for mine.
The trouble is that medical care is able to keep people living longer but not necessarily with a satisfactory quality of life. This is awful of me I know - but when I heard of a friend whose father was sent home from hospital with an inoperable tumour and died after 10 days, four of which in a coma - I envied her. To see someone you love dying by inches, losing a tiny bit of independence and dignity every day, week by week, year after year, is soul-destroying.

Britlec I do sometimes wish the same. Mostly for my mum to rid her of this existence, which I feel it is, but also for me and my husband so I at least I can stop worrying and being stressed constantly, which I know will have implications at some point...

No just a normal human being.

I am on the other side of it all now and don't get me wrong I miss my Mum like mad. Of course when I say my Mum I mean the woman she was before the dementia started taking her away bit by bit and left a shell that looked like Mum,had Mums voice and Mums smoking habit, but was not my Mum.

And every day I used to hope that this would be the day I would find her right up until the day I had a breakdown and she had to go into a care home and even then I would hope for that call.

The day when she died I was actually happy because it meant that My Mum was free and the woman with dementia , well I'm glad shes gone. She was angry, frightened,confused and all the other stuff that goes hand in hand with dementia and had nothing but loss of facilities to look forwards to.

I am sorry if I offend anyone with this, but it is truly how I felt and still feel.

I can't say I will be happy when she dies, but I will feel, hopefully, relieved, mainly for her, that she will be with her mum and dad and at peace from this awful illness. I hope (and I am not religious at all, so not meant to offend those who are) that if there is an after life or if loved ones who have passed can see us, that my gran (her mum) is looking down on me and saying, "You are doing all you can for her and I know how much you love your mum, don't be sad." Oh, that had made me cry again!!!!!