am i doing the right thing ?

[Nanny1086]

Hi everyone, I’m feeling rather guilty in keeping things from my husband ,,,even though i think it’s for the best best ,,,well for me it is ,,, My husband js still a very stubborn Geordie & ex miner , and doesn’t lose his temper very often ,,,BUT over the years of being married to him 46 years ,,, he has been know to get quite aggressive ,,,verbally ,,if hes not been happy with something , Some years ago my sister was diagnosed with Alzimers and her husband had got Cancer ,During a conversation we were having about them ,,,,my husband said I certainly want you to have to do all that for me ,,,, if that was me with either illness i’d take a load of pills or throw myself under a train ,,( we do live close to the railway) and i believe he could quite possibly do such a thing ,, He’s the sort of person who burys his head in the sand when faced with a problem,,,he just doesn’t want to know , Hence the fact that we havent told him he’s got alzimers ,, He’s also got prostate cancer and the consultant made it quite clear to him saying Mr Johnson LISTEN TO WHAT IM TELLING YOU ,YOU HAVE GOT PROSTRATE CANCER ,,, no reply, when we got home i said to him about what he’d been told and he just said “Nothing wrong with me I’m fit as a fiddle “ and when we told him the scan showed it up ,,, he still says they’re wrong ,,,, Now ofcourse he’s probably forgotten all about that conversation,,, and since then he’s also been told he’s got Gallstones, HE HAS REFUSED ALL TREATMENT FOR THESE ILLNESSES , He’s due for another scan in April but he says there’s nothing wrong with him ,,, what on earth can i do ,,,Sometimes i feel like screaming at him ,,,,just face the facts you’ve got CANCER & ALZIMERS ,,, but i’m not that cruel , ,But am i doing the right thing by Not making sure he understands what’s wrong with him ,,,,He is still capable of understanding everything ,,, he just won’t accept it ,,, is anyone else caring for a loved one who is in complete denial ,any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[T1000]

Sorry to hear you are going through this, very lonely for you esp if your husband is unwilling to face things like the cancer when a doctor has directly told him. How did you get the alzheimers official diagnosis without him knowing or is this a suspicion you have that he suffers with it?
All you can do I think is seek advice from doctor or local social care, alzheimers charity also offer a lot of support even on the phone for you.

 

[Nanny1086]

Sorry to hear you are going through this, very lonely for you esp if your husband is unwilling to face things like the cancer when a doctor has directly told him. How did you get the alzheimers official diagnosis without him knowing or is this a suspicion you have that he suffers with it?
All you can do I think is seek advice from doctor or local social care, alzheimers charity also offer a lot of support even on the phone for you.

Hi , Thankyou for your response , daughter and myself and son-in-law and grandaughter had our suspicions for aft years ,,, and when. covid came due to my poor heath ( i have got COPD) we had to remain home ,,,and we did so for about 18months apart from walks , So we managed to talk him into selling the car as we weren’t using it much at all ,,, and i was afraid of getting in it with him , as his driving deteriorated,,,, my daughter spoke to our GP , AND she agreed to see him without letting on why , and so i told him The Drs had rung and he had to go for an 80 year old checkup, very disgruntled he said ok , and the 3 of us went , she did a rough assessment and asked if he would have his medical now rather than making a return ,,,, he said yes , she also did a prostrate examination, and we left ,,,daughter went back in for her keys 🤨 and tge Dr said his prostrate was very large and would send him in the 2 weeks referral , and that she agreed he was definitely showing signs , and would arrange a brain scan and memory clinic , so in less than 4 weeks he had a diagnosis of prostrate cancer and Alzimers, some of the conversation must have stuck in his mind because he reluctantly agreed to 3 month blood tests for the cancer ,,,, ( to prove them wrong he says ) , but refused all treatment , and still he says there’s nothing wrong with him , as for the alzimers i remembered the conversation we had about my sister ,,,, and my daughter agreed with me at the time he couldn’t take it / accept it,,, one day when i was trying to talk about illness in general he said “well i’m pleased to say There’s nothing wrong with me ” even though he’s clearly in pain and discomfort with the prostrate cancer ,,,, i don’t think he could accept Alzimers diagnosis. i’m really in a quandre ,,, maybe as you say i should have a word with my daughter again and possibly the GP . Thankyou once again ,apologies for the long reply ,