Even if you are there every holiday, that still leaves 36 or so weeks every year when other arrangements have to be made for her day-to-day care. Had you put provisions in place when you were there in October or was she expected to manage on her own until you returned at Christmas? As for the email from the solicitor - well, every mother would want that, wouldn't they? Her three children getting together and agreeing the way forward, when in fact there's been an estrangement for years, which given the diagnosis, she might well have forgotten. As you say yourself a collaborative approach was never going to work and you appear to be outvoted.. Sorry if we seem to be giving you a hard time, but there are always two sides to a story and we're trying to fill in the gaps. The bottom line is "Is your mother being cared for as she should be?" If not, then maybe you have grounds to complain, but otherwise, her best interests will take precedence over your needs/wishes.