Alzheimers aggression in public

[ding2205]

So...today my Mum punched my Sister and my brother in law during a full fledged kick off. No reason, just a sudden switch when they were walking the dog. She started trying to walk off and my Sister tried to get her to come back as she had no idea where she was. She started screaming to leave her alone, swearing and shouting. They tried everything to reason with her and encourage her but she kept walking off. Eventually, they did get her by the arm and put her and the car but she was fighting the whole time. Very embarrassing but they just wanted to try to keep her safe and they were being physically attacked.
Once in the car she was trying to punch the windows, trying to open the door when the car was moving and veering wildly between hysterical sobbing and furios anger. She was taken back to her care home.

This is the second dangerous incident in the last month as she did similar to me but she managed to open the living car door on me and when I pulled the door closed, she smacked me in the face while I'm trying to drive and get the door shut. Couldn't do an emergency stop due to traffic so pulled over as quick as I could and she escaped and started heading towards an extremely busy road. I had to physically restrain her and I was on my own. Punched and abused me more times, I had to get her back though. So upsetting and terrifying.

We don't know what to do. No clear triggers. No UTI present that we know though she's had 3 in 4 months at her so called care home. She makes no sense, can't convey or comprehend anything. Not sure what we should do next - and yes we do have both LPAs. She doesn't take any medication for this condition though it may be necessary I think. She is unhappy and we are moving homes but I just don't know if it is the progression of the disease, undiagnosed pain or some other trigger. She cannot come out of a care home as she was completely unsafe and helpless at home and private carers couldn't give the support we needed. So sorry for the long message but we are at our wits end.

 

[SelahRosario]

I'm deeply sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing with your mother's behavior and the challenges it presents for your family. It sounds like a distressing and concerning situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and unsure of what steps to take next. Depending on the underlying cause of your mother's behavior, medication may be necessary to manage symptoms and improve her quality of life. Consult with her healthcare providers to discuss the potential benefits and risks of medication options, and make an informed decision based on her individual needs and circumstances.

 

[jennifer1967]

thats horrible but maybe taking her out of her care home could be the trigger. maybe hold off the trips out. is she like it with you in the carehome?

 

[Louise7]

Hello @ding2205 sorry to hear about what happened, it must have been frightening for your sister and brother in law. I agree with @jennifer1967 that taking your mum out of the care home could have been the trigger for her change in behaviour, particularly as this has happened on two occasions now when being taken out by family. Trips out during the earlier stages of dementia can be helpful but there does come a time as dementia progresses when leaving the routine and environment of the care home may be upsetting and cause stress, anxiety or fear. Due to the risks to your mum when walking off, and to your family and other road users due to her behaviour when she is in the car, it seems as if it might be time to stop the trips out.

Does the care home have a garden that you could take your mum to when the weather is OK? It won't be the same as a trip out but your mum would be in familiar surroundings and there would be staff on hand to assist if she did become aggressive. Mum is in a care home and we haven't taken her out for trips since she has been there but she does enjoy the garden. Perhaps your mum's home may also allow her to see the dog in the garden too, as quite a few homes are happy to allow visits from dogs, so might be worth asking if seeing the dog is important to your mum. If she is not currently taking any medication for her dementia symptoms it does sound as though she would benefit from a review by the GP, who would also be able to make a referral to the older adults mental health team if necessary. I hope things start to improve for your mum as this must be distressing for everyone.

 

[canary]

I too think that your mum has, unfortunately, got to the stage where she has got beyond going out of the care home. My mum reached that stage too and is sad and upsetting to think that you can no longer do it. I suspect that your mum no longer understands what is happening and thinks she is being abducted

You could certainly try taking her out into the garden, but mum reached the stage where even that was too much for her and she just wanted to stay in the security of the home. You have to go with what causes least distress

 

[ding2205]

I'm deeply sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing with your mother's behavior and the challenges it presents for your family. It sounds like a distressing and concerning situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and unsure of what steps to take next. Depending on the underlying cause of your mother's behavior, medication may be necessary to manage symptoms and improve her quality of life. Consult with her healthcare providers to discuss the potential benefits and risks of medication options, and make an informed decision based on her individual needs and circumstances.

Thanks for your response. It is so difficult to know who should be contacted here. The GP has been reluctant to prescribe any anti psycotics and says they require specialist agreement, also a last resort. As this behaviour has only just become apparent, we are already trying to rule out underlying medical conditions/ pain etc. But all takes too bloody long. Given she is about to move care homes, I don't want her to get kicked out if this unsettles her further. But I'll start with the GP and see how we go.

 

[ding2205]

I too think that your mum has, unfortunately, got to the stage where she has got beyond going out of the care home. My mum reached that stage too and is sad and upsetting to think that you can no longer do it. I suspect that your mum no longer understands what is happening and thinks she is being abducted

You could certainly try taking her out into the garden, but mum reached the stage where even that was too much for her and she just wanted to stay in the security of the home. You have to go with what causes least distress

Sadly she can be distressed and upset inside too. She seems so sad, we like to take her out as she's bored and upset so we take her and shes having a nice time and happy then with no warning, she's going nuts and we are in public where she can come to harm. I just want it to be okay for her, wherever she is but sadly she is so unpredictable we may not have a choice. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

 

[ding2205]

Hello @ding2205 sorry to hear about what happened, it must have been frightening for your sister and brother in law. I agree with @jennifer1967 that taking your mum out of the care home could have been the trigger for her change in behaviour, particularly as this has happened on two occasions now when being taken out by family. Trips out during the earlier stages of dementia can be helpful but there does come a time as dementia progresses when leaving the routine and environment of the care home may be upsetting and cause stress, anxiety or fear. Due to the risks to your mum when walking off, and to your family and other road users due to her behaviour when she is in the car, it seems as if it might be time to stop the trips out.

Does the care home have a garden that you could take your mum to when the weather is OK? It won't be the same as a trip out but your mum would be in familiar surroundings and there would be staff on hand to assist if she did become aggressive. Mum is in a care home and we haven't taken her out for trips since she has been there but she does enjoy the garden. Perhaps your mum's home may also allow her to see the dog in the garden too, as quite a few homes are happy to allow visits from dogs, so might be worth asking if seeing the dog is important to your mum. If she is not currently taking any medication for her dementia symptoms it does sound as though she would benefit from a review by the GP, who would also be able to make a referral to the older adults mental health team if necessary. I hope things start to improve for your mum as this must be distressing for everyone.

Thanks for responding. She goes out with us all the time. She lives to go out and is unhappy and bored in the home. They don't do enough with them. My Mum is only 69 and very able physically. She is climbing the walls but cannot engage in anything unsupported...can't read, follow a TV programme. I feel we don't have a choice though unless we limit visits to teams and sadly on weekdays this isn't possible. Just feel so bad, I don't know how to make her happy. We just feel guilty all the time.

 

[ding2205]

thats horrible but maybe taking her out of her care home could be the trigger. maybe hold off the trips out. is she like it with you in the carehome?

I don't think it is, its partly aligned with her sundowning but getting earlier and earlier. She goes out all the time with us. She can be like it in the home and has been rude and aggressive in the home. Not punched anyone yet outside of the family but pushed another elderly resident. Mum is 69, physically still strong and very mobile.

 

[leny connery]

I don't think it is, its partly aligned with her sundowning but getting earlier and earlier. She goes out all the time with us. She can be like it in the home and has been rude and aggressive in the home. Not punched anyone yet outside of the family but pushed another elderly resident. Mum is 69, physically still strong and very mobile.

 

[leny connery]

my MIL in the end years sadly was sectioned because of her aggressive behaviour and unpredictable lashing out which could potentially harm other residents and carers. It is so very sad as we do not know what to do anymore. you just want to give her the best, don't you, and make her happy by taking her out. But not if she started behaving dangerously . a conference with her carers in the home and the doctor is imperative now, don't you think? hugs and sending you love and wish you the strength to deal with this vey hard situation

 

[yoy]

Has the home not contacted the GP/others over this? What have they got to say about it?
My mum had a period of aggression a while ago and the home referred her to the mental health team. They prescribed an anti-psychotic and she has been more settled since then.

 

[Angel55]

💗 This sounds such a stressful situation for all of you. I describe my PWD as being able to turn on a sixpence, if you have heard that phrase and I have thought that there is a real possibility of someone just lashing out with no warning even in someone who seems okay and has previously been a mellow sort of person personality wise.

Your Mum is quite young still. I would imagine that some of the activities in the home might not be to her interests if the other residents are a lot older? Is there any 'job' they could let your mum do if she was able too? What did she do as a younger person , what things did she enjoy ? My loved one loved singing and that is about the only thing that 'calms' so they do encourage that where they are and it also gives a focus. Concentration is not great but the songs come from long term memory. Anything else is a big fat no lol..

I read that you are moving homes soon so perhaps this will be a positive move.

For the time being I would hold off of going out unless it is really really carefully thought out. Some medications can be really helpful there would be no harm in asking about those 💗

 

[ding2205]

my MIL in the end years sadly was sectioned because of her aggressive behaviour and unpredictable lashing out which could potentially harm other residents and carers. It is so very sad as we do not know what to do anymore. you just want to give her the best, don't you, and make her happy by taking her out. But not if she started behaving dangerously . a conference with her carers in the home and the doctor is imperative now, don't you think? hugs and sending you love and wish you the strength to deal with this vey hard situation

Thanks for your kind words. Yes we just want the best for her. The home she is in isn't really interested in supporting her properly though they claim to be a dementia facility, with well trained staff, they are not. We are moving her but I am going to reach out to the GP. We are reviewing all other possible options for why this change has occurred but we have to consider a worst case. We will refrain from taking her out for the time being until she stabilises as far as possible or if not we will lean on the professionals. It's difficult when you can't see what's going on all the time. The current carers just say, she's fine when we see her and we can clearly see she absolutely isn't.

 

[ding2205]

💗 This sounds such a stressful situation for all of you. I describe my PWD as being able to turn on a sixpence, if you have heard that phrase and I have thought that there is a real possibility of someone just lashing out with no warning even in someone who seems okay and has previously been a mellow sort of person personality wise.

Your Mum is quite young still. I would imagine that some of the activities in the home might not be to her interests if the other residents are a lot older? Is there any 'job' they could let your mum do if she was able too? What did she do as a younger person , what things did she enjoy ? My loved one loved singing and that is about the only thing that 'calms' so they do encourage that where they are and it also gives a focus. Concentration is not great but the songs come from long term memory. Anything else is a big fat no lol..

I read that you are moving homes soon so perhaps this will be a positive move.

For the time being I would hold off of going out unless it is really really carefully thought out. Some medications can be really helpful there would be no harm in asking about those 💗

Thank you for taking time to respond. Turning on a sixpence is exactly it... You are quite correct that the so called activities mostly don't suit her, I don't think they suit any of the dementia residents really. They are geared to a level of concentration most don't have and sitting in the same room they are in most of the day. The one thing they do which is good is regular parties with singing and dancing, she loves it. They don't seem to permit them to help out, they have an army of cleaners that Sadly the current home is not up to par and at 1700 per week I won't tolerate the fact they refuse to be person led. At the new home we have high hopes but we will see. Will definitely consider medications.

 

[ding2205]

Has the home not contacted the GP/others over this? What have they got to say about it?
My mum had a period of aggression a while ago and the home referred her to the mental health team. They prescribed an anti-psychotic and she has been more settled since then.

They aren't seeing the worst of it. What they have seen was linked to her having multiple UTIs. They are not that on it to be fair. This newest behaviour is very different, much more violent so we need the professionals to intervene. Personally I'd rather it didn't escalate but I know they will want to rule out underlying medical issues. She has regular complaints of pain but we cannot find the source though investigation is ongoing. I suspect this is multi faceted in its cause. Just don't want her to hurt herself or anyone else.

 

[leny connery]

Thank you for taking time to respond. Turning on a sixpence is exactly it... You are quite correct that the so called activities mostly don't suit her, I don't think they suit any of the dementia residents really. They are geared to a level of concentration most don't have and sitting in the same room they are in most of the day. The one thing they do which is good is regular parties with singing and dancing, she loves it. They don't seem to permit them to help out, they have an army of cleaners that Sadly the current home is not up to par and at 1700 per week I won't tolerate the fact they refuse to be person led. At the new home we have high hopes but we will see. Will definitely consider medications.

1700 per week..wow. It is not tolerable at any price though. They are in the business of care giving, and they must provide the appropriate care.

 

[Angel55]

Thank you for taking time to respond. Turning on a sixpence is exactly it... You are quite correct that the so called activities mostly don't suit her, I don't think they suit any of the dementia residents really. They are geared to a level of concentration most don't have and sitting in the same room they are in most of the day. The one thing they do which is good is regular parties with singing and dancing, she loves it. They don't seem to permit them to help out, they have an army of cleaners that Sadly the current home is not up to par and at 1700 per week I won't tolerate the fact they refuse to be person led. At the new home we have high hopes but we will see. Will definitely consider medications.

💗 I personally see no harm in anyone who is able to and wants to helping out with the appropriate support and thought. Person centred care is so important and at an eye watering £1700 I would be asking myself the same questions. Music is something nearly all of us have enjoyed over our whole lives and should be something that is definitely part of every day. You don't need a lot of concentration for that either. I hope the new home gives a more positive experience xx take care

 

[Canada Goose]

@ding2205 Hello - I just came across this thread. I am seeing exactly the same behaviour in my partner and was wondering if you have been able to make any progress in determining the cause for your mum's aggression? I care for my partner at home and have been out for walks on my own with her when the incidents occur (three times so far). I have been so fortunate with the kindness of strangers helping me out. As someone on this thread said, her mood turns on a sixpence and I haven't been able to identify any triggers. As far as I can tell she is not in any pain or suffering from a UTI or other issue. Like your mum, she is young - just 57 - strong and active. We have an appointment with a specialist to review her meds, but not until May 1.