Alarms?

catherinewa

Registered User
Mar 7, 2023
49
0
My dad has alzheimers and the medication seems to be helping him finish sentences and fall asleep less often mid sentence.
He has always done everything for my mum and she defers anything she sees as complex to him.
Neither of them have any insight into getting old and preparing for the future and Im beginning to accept that this wont change despite my best efforts and those of my brother.
They have always been stuck in their ways and so now want to continue in the same ways even if not safe now...

My mum has never been good at listening and is highly anxious and demands an instant fix for it, usually from dad who calms her until next panic.

She is now somewhat deaf and wears hearing aids and shuffles to walk after a fall knocked her confidence in covid (though no broken bones) but refuses to use a frame or mobility scooter despite having both (much easier to ask her husband to do things)
She is getting increasingly forgetful and if she cant get hold of dad immediately, she has huge panics. It is possible he is in the bathroom or garden (where he enjoys gardening alot) or she has forgotten what he has told her and she has never been able to distract herself even if slightly anxious. She will keep demanding or panicking until her wish is met however slight and ring up everyone she knows continuously.

I live a long way away and my brother lives in same village
He does not see the big picture like I do and helps out with the panics as best he can whilst running his own business and looking after his young children.

I feel like their lack of insight and adjustments is going to lead to some avoidable accident/crisis and then social services will have to step in and impose what they need to on them. They will not like it one bit. All my practical suggestions have been rejected and they see discussion as interference even though I have made it clear I am simply wanting to put a safety net under their normal daily activities
 

Dovecote

New member
Mar 3, 2019
2
0
Sounds like you are doing a great job of making sensible suggestions, how frustrating it must be for you to have them ignored. Sadly I think this is very common and I think all you can do is to continue to suggest practical things that will help, but don't beat yourself up if they are opposed, you need to look after yourself too. Try to ensure that Lasting Power of Attorney is in place though and if you can persuade them, that they accept some form of help or involvement of a dementia support service, so that all of this worry doesn't fall all on you. Take care
 

catherinewa

Registered User
Mar 7, 2023
49
0
A v strong possibility but it took 3 years and a car accident for dad to have investigations
Mum is even more stubborn
 

catherinewa

Registered User
Mar 7, 2023
49
0
Sounds like you are doing a great job of making sensible suggestions, how frustrating it must be for you to have them ignored. Sadly I think this is very common and I think all you can do is to continue to suggest practical things that will help, but don't beat yourself up if they are opposed, you need to look after yourself too. Try to ensure that Lasting Power of Attorney is in place though and if you can persuade them, that they accept some form of help or involvement of a dementia support service, so that all of this worry doesn't fall all on you. Take care


Almost completed lpas thanks
 

catherinewa

Registered User
Mar 7, 2023
49
0
My mum is showing possible memory issues now. She wears hearing aids and is also not great at listening

It is worrying how mum hears the information and replies but as it is not exactly how she thinks, she forgets it and then blames others for her incompetence eg doctor doesnt know what he is talking about...

My dad has noticed this but reckons she just needs stronger hearing aids... im not convinced because she replies so she must hear and then promptly forgets
 

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