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Aggression, continued. Help!

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
201
@Banjomansmate unfortunately it doesn't seem to matter who it is, or what time of day, dad lashes and kicks out. to the point where they can't really do a proper change and wash. I wouldn't normally try medication (i never take anything myself if i can help it) but it's getting to the point where he's not getting the care he needs.

@silver'lantern yes, that's a big part of it, i agree. but no amount of reassurance on that point seems to help.
 

Roseleigh

Registered User
Dec 26, 2016
323
He's never had a fall or slip or anything when doing personal care type things as far as me (or mum) are aware. Our best guess is he doesn't like water, as he struggles with washing basically. If it's just changing a top he's fine.
Water which was uncomfortably hot or cold? My OH is a little bit hydrophobic too. Last week he had just got shaved with my help then after I emptied the bowl, turned tap on for him to rinse with clean water he flipped into psycho mode and said he wasnt 'going anywhere near that'! I think its based on an irrational fear of tthe temperature having had one or two unpleasant experiences. If its slightly uncomfortably hot he insists its 'burning'.

Would he let your mum wash him?
 

Avis

Registered User
Nov 2, 2019
106
I'm sat here with Dad, he's in respite care at the moment. He's perfectly happy 95% of the time but as soon as anyone comes in to help with his personal care he's wild and violent. Punching, kicking etc. He's comparatively strong too, as he's only 70. We hoped he'd settle down but if anything it's getting worse.

The carers were saying today that they were nearly beyond being able to help him and I just don't know what to do. They said he's the worst they've seen, which I found really upsetting. They said that normally once they explain to people what they're doing they calm down, but even when we explain to Dad he writhes and kicks off. One agency carer here walked out during personal care because she didn't want anything to do with him.

What on earth happens when aggression can't be managed?
Speak to your doctor about this and he/she may be able to provide a solution. Perhaps some sedation just before his shower or change might be in order. He should be able to have his personal care needs met without hurting himself or others.
 

Avis

Registered User
Nov 2, 2019
106
Water which was uncomfortably hot or cold? My OH is a little bit hydrophobic too. Last week he had just got shaved with my help then after I emptied the bowl, turned tap on for him to rinse with clean water he flipped into psycho mode and said he wasnt 'going anywhere near that'! I think its based on an irrational fear of tthe temperature having had one or two unpleasant experiences. If its slightly uncomfortably hot he insists its 'burning'.

Would he let your mum wash him?
Perhaps he can use a face flannel to wash his face with. Get him to feel the temperature and ask if it is alright. That way he may feel he has a little more control.
 

Kay111

Registered User
Sep 19, 2019
201
@Roseleigh - yes, he does say if the water is too hot or cold, so maybe it's all linked with a past experience. He was difficult with mum washing him too, but not quite as difficult.

@Avis - if I can ever get round to seeing a doctor! I'd requested one yesterday and still none came. Livid.