Aggression and medication

[schoskin]

Hi,

Both my mum (mainly my mum) and I care for my dad who is in early-mid stages. At the moment, we are having massive issues with anger, he is so angry all the time ranting and paranoid/delusional. Hev regularly takes it out on my mum to the point where we have now had some violent outbursts. He is always very sorry afterwards/is very confused about the whole thing and he has always refused to take medication apart from his Alzheimer tablets. I have had a very bleak chat with him where I have told him we need to stabilise his mood if we can, we need to try otherwise he cannot continue to live with my mum and he has agreed to try.

I have arranged a GP appointment for us on Monday and I have told him I will come with him so we can discuss a mood stabiliser as its becoming unsafe for him to be with my mum and also his moods are so interchangeable its horrible for him also (I understand this is sadly part and parcel of the disease to a degree).

I am wondering, has anyone had this happen and if so what medication have you tried that worked/didn't work? Obviously I will leave it to the GP also but from what I am reading some of the more obvious drugs and even those mentioned on this website appear to make things worse.

If anyone has any positive (or negative) experiences of the use of mood stabilisers that they could share I would be so grateful. I am very worried about my mum.

Thank you

 

[jay6]

Sorry to hear of your experience. The anger may be because he doesn't understand what is happening to him if this is unusual.
Mine has anger problems but I think its because he doesn't have the control he once had. He been put on tablets for mood but unfortunately they've had no effect but it may be different for your dad if the anger has only started with the dementia.
Good luck with G.P.

 

[Jools1402]

Hi - I'm sorry I don't have any experience with this type of medication - and it is good that Dad has agreed to see the GP. I'm sorry that you are both having to go through this and it may just be a phase that might not last long.
What is vitally important is that your Mum has a mobile phone on her at all times (cardigans with pockets?) and there is a room with a lock she can get away to (or a clear run to the outside). Although your Dad hasn't yet hurt her, and it may never come to that, there is a first time for everything

 

[schoskin]

Sorry to hear of your experience. The anger may be because he doesn't understand what is happening to him if this is unusual.
Mine has anger problems but I think its because he doesn't have the control he once had. He been put on tablets for mood but unfortunately they've had no effect but it may be different for your dad if the anger has only started with the dementia.
Good luck with G.P.

Thanks for your reply, can I ask if you know what he was put on? My dad has definitely had volatile tendencies all his life but that being said my mum never felt unsafe or threatened personally. I think I am probably putting too much in stock for these medications, but I need to have some hope as otherwise the situation is very dark, haha!

 

[schoskin]

Hi - I'm sorry I don't have any experience with this type of medication - and it is good that Dad has agreed to see the GP. I'm sorry that you are both having to go through this and it may just be a phase that might not last long.
What is vitally important is that your Mum has a mobile phone on her at all times (cardigans with pockets?) and there is a room with a lock she can get away to (or a clear run to the outside). Although your Dad hasn't yet hurt her, and it may never come to that, there is a first time for everything

Sadly its been going on for a while maybe two years and been getting worse and worse. He has now hit mum once and she is living on egg shells of upsetting him, I don't know who I feel more sorry for, her or him. A few people have mentioned a locked room and we don't have this currently apart from a bathroom so as sad as it is i think we definitely need to do this and this is something proactive that I can do, so I will.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @schoskin.

As violence has arisen there is a safeguarding issue with this situation so medication may not be enough. Having said that there are medications that can help so the GP is a good first call.

Have you involved Social Services and had needs assessments done for both parents - they are entitled to this.

Sadly a persons basic nature is often amplified by dementia so this situation may get worse and it will be necessary to bring it under control.

 

[phill]

Sadly its been going on for a while maybe two years and been getting worse and worse. He has now hit mum once and she is living on egg shells of upsetting him, I don't know who I feel more sorry for, her or him. A few people have mentioned a locked room and we don't have this currently apart from a bathroom so as sad as it is i think we definitely need to do this and this is something proactive that I can do, so I will.

If she doesn’t yet have a lockable room, maybe your mum could also lodge an overnight bag at the home of one of her neighbours - in case she ever needs to leave the house in a hurry for her own safety.

 

[schoskin]

Hello @schoskin.

As violence has arisen there is a safeguarding issue with this situation so medication may not be enough. Having said that there are medications that can help so the GP is a good first call.

Have you involved Social Services and had needs assessments done for both parents - they are entitled to this.

Sadly a persons basic nature is often amplified by dementia so this situation may get worse and it will be necessary to bring it under control.

Thank you, I hadn't thought about social services. I will definitely reach out to them and get the process started I will take all the support I can get for them!

 

[schoskin]

If she doesn’t yet have a lockable room, maybe your mum could also lodge an overnight bag at the home of one of her neighbours - in case she ever needs to leave the house in a hurry for her own safety.

Neighbours are tricky as they sort of live a bit out and don't have them in the same way most do, but I have told her to keep an overnight bag in the bongo which is like a campervan. She can stay in that overnight if she needs to at a pinch and she has before, we definitely need to get our ducks in a row as it were with this type of backup plan. I really appreciate any suggestions.

 

[Jools1402]

Would Mum be able to have a mobile phone on her at all times as well?

 

[Jools1402]

Would Mum be able to have a mobile phone on her at all times as well?

 

[schoskin]

Would Mum be able to have a mobile phone on her at all times as well?

Yes, she does have a mobile phone and she is very good with it generally

 

[Gerona]

So sad to hear this.
My husband who is 91 has memory problems, and was diagnosed 5 years ago, but as he has always had a placid nature our life fortunately remains much the same. He needs extra care and reminding about things and loves his t.v but otherwise lucky as life is mostly tranquil.
I hope you get help, especially for your poor mum 🙏.

 

[jay6]

Thanks for your reply, can I ask if you know what he was put on? My dad has definitely had volatile tendencies all his life but that being said my mum never felt unsafe or threatened personally. I think I am probably putting too much in stock for these medications, but I need to have some hope as otherwise the situation is very dark, haha!

I was told that parts of the personality can be very emphasized with dementia when I told the consultant of his behaviour. Although not always.
Mine has always had control issues if not got his own way which often caused arguments.
I didn't actually realise his behaviour was control, I thought he was just very selfish until I got referred to a councillor, a couple of years ago. Since then I won't back down which has unfortunately made matters worse. The nastier he gets the less I do. So he loses in the long run, although I must admit I really do struggle.
He never apologises because as far as he is concerned, it's never his fault. I'm lucky in a way that he had a stroke which left him partly paralyzed, so on the odd occasion when he has hit out, he has lost his balance and ended up in hospital.
I make sure my bedroom door is locked and I have my mobile when I'm at home and anything kicks off, so I no longer feel unsafe. I also go out as much as I can. Social aren't interested because he gives a pack of lies, saying he can manage on his own and they believe him.
I can't remember the first medication he was put on but was changed to Risperidone last year. Neither made the slightest bit of difference. I just wait for the day it all ends!

 

[Greenway]

Hi,

Both my mum (mainly my mum) and I care for my dad who is in early-mid stages. At the moment, we are having massive issues with anger, he is so angry all the time ranting and paranoid/delusional. Hev regularly takes it out on my mum to the point where we have now had some violent outbursts. He is always very sorry afterwards/is very confused about the whole thing and he has always refused to take medication apart from his Alzheimer tablets. I have had a very bleak chat with him where I have told him we need to stabilise his mood if we can, we need to try otherwise he cannot continue to live with my mum and he has agreed to try.

I have arranged a GP appointment for us on Monday and I have told him I will come with him so we can discuss a mood stabiliser as its becoming unsafe for him to be with my mum and also his moods are so interchangeable its horrible for him also (I understand this is sadly part and parcel of the disease to a degree).

I am wondering, has anyone had this happen and if so what medication have you tried that worked/didn't work? Obviously I will leave it to the GP also but from what I am reading some of the more obvious drugs and even those mentioned on this website appear to make things worse.

If anyone has any positive (or negative) experiences of the use of mood stabilisers that they could share I would be so grateful. I am very worried about my mum.

Thank you

My husband was started on risperidone for his aggression along with donepezil and memantine. It worked for him. Some GPs are reluctant to use it and will need a psychiatrist to approve it.

 

[jay6]

My husband was started on risperidone for his aggression along with donepezil and memantine. It worked for him. Some GPs are reluctant to use it and will need a psychiatrist to approve it.

I think it depends on if the cause its dementia. The dementia consultant did say if its part of the personality it is harder to treat and medications may not have the same effect. Even though doesn't seem to have much effect, he has been kept on them to help try and slow the anger down. Might be worse without them I suppose. I think the more the dementia takes him, the more he will just sit in chair and sleep.